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To feel miffed that DP won't support me at the doctors or am I overreacting?

(40 Posts)
BraveLilBear Tue 01-Oct-13 14:26:06

I gave birth to our DS 10 weeks ago. Was a bit traumatic - drip, theatre, spinal, forceps, episiotomy - and things don't seem quite right yet.

Doctor suggested that we wait til 12 weeks to have a look at the internal scarring, combining it with smear, coil fitting (not overly keen but ruling out hormones and needing a few years gap til dc2 there aren't many options) and baby's next round of immunisations.

When DS was 5 weeks, we got a kitten. She needs the second round of her jabs in the next couple of weeks. DP has the car for work and, as kitten-toting and baby-wrangling are impossible to do without a car, he's taking the day off to enable kitten appt.

With this in mind I thought it would be a good idea to do everything on the same day so cat gets jabs and I get support too. Due to trauma of the birth and significant previous anxiety re intimate examinations, the thought of 2 and a half procedures at once is terrifying enough, let alone having to contend with post-vaccine upset baby and mile and a half walk home.

However, there is an event happening the week before that we'd talked about taking DS to with friends. This would require DP to be home due to afternoon start. He wants me to arrange cat jabs for that day. He can't/won't take both days off.

I feel pretty let down. AIBU or just selfish to want things arranging around me for once?

Sorry for essay- it's complicated!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 01-Oct-13 17:54:57

Ps. the coil settled really quickly the second time which led me to conclude it was the fact I'd not long given birth, the first time that was the problem.

Re coping with internals. GP prescribed mt Co-codamol and Mefenamic acid

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 01-Oct-13 18:02:04

Re: the cat. Could you throw money at the problem - are there vets that do home visits? Don't know but it might be worth finding out

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 01-Oct-13 18:03:23

A quick google suggests home-visiting vets exist ...

DontPanicMrMannering Tue 01-Oct-13 18:05:39

Right if you want his support spell it out:

"imagine DP if 2 months ago some bugger came along with a large pair of tongs and shoved them up your bum then waggled them around a lot, until a bit of your colon collapsed, then stitched you up and gave you a kick in the balls as a parting gift."

Now imagine I told you tomorrow you were going to go in and have a different bloke shove his hand up your bum while holding a motor spring and a spatula. During this you had to hold DS while he screams in your ear".

You have no choice about doing this.

Would you want me to come hold DS and treat you to an icepack and a cold beer after?

Yes???

Well go away, have a little think and tell me if you would still like to go to the fair.

<<sweet slightly dangerous smile>>

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 01-Oct-13 18:07:38

Yes

Tell him. Tell hims that if he asked for your help you would give it to him, and that is what you expect him to do as well

pantsonbackwards Tue 01-Oct-13 18:08:33

Instead of getting him to offer to help you'll have to tell him that you need him to help. Make it clear.

I remember having to get the bus to the hospital with my first baby when they were only 3 weeks old. Was worried about the bus, was worried about baby vomiting everywhere and screaming (both things they did A LOT) on the bus, was worried about the tests, was ill with depression, anxiety and was grieving for my dad who had died the week before.

Could so have done with my dh coming to but he had only gone back to work a couple of days before. I waited for someone to offer to help but no one did.

Inlaws said i had to just get on with it but years later were horrified at the idea of their other gcs getting a bus and they were about 8 years old not 3 weeks. (a bit off topic there but still pisses me off)

But anyway what Im saying is that it might be a good idea to be more assertive.

pantsonbackwards Tue 01-Oct-13 18:09:51

Or . . . Don't get the coil fitted and so no sex. Wait for dh to complain.

Tabby1963 Tue 01-Oct-13 18:09:55

Getting a smear and a coil fitted (at the same time) is a pretty big deal.

You will feel sore afterwards. Explain to your husband that you would appreciate his support because you may feel pain and discomfort. It would be good if you could go for a lie down too, once you get home. You are not be unreasonable at all about this.

The kitten's jags can wait, you are the priority.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 01-Oct-13 18:12:44

Start off being assertive too. I don't know what happened to me after the birth of my first baby. I felt really guilty about needing help and not coping, and there were times I wished I asserted myself more with DH.

MistressIggi Tue 01-Oct-13 18:19:23

If I hated internals and was sore post-birth I wouldn't have a coil fitted. I would use condoms, and avoid most fertile time of month. Or abstain from sex, which wouldn't be a bother so soon after a baby at all, for me.
If I decided to go ahead with coil anyway, I'd want some support. I might suggest Dh had a coil fitted himself before judging whether or not I needed support.

landrover Tue 01-Oct-13 18:31:45

why dont you wait a while longer? theres no rush at all. Dp can use condoms, the smear can wait a few more weeks surely? Your baby can have the jabs with you there relaxed and waiting for a cuddle, your dp can take kitten to vets on a saturday ( again it can wait a week if needed) or you can walk kitten to vets in a box under the pram, I think that you are stressing when in reality its fine for the gp to say lets do it all together, but in reality you are not ready yet xxxx

BraveLilBear Mon 07-Oct-13 08:13:03

Hello just thought I'd update... so... by a series of events, the universe has conspired to help me out.

I'm walking the cat to the vets today, box on top of pram.

Our friends have decided completely out of the blue not to take their DS to the fair after all - was so out of the blue that I wondered if she'd read this!

So we will take ours on a Saturday afternoon.

And... DP has agreed to take off the appt day. I still don't think he realises the scale of it, but will make sure he's briefed beforehand so he says the right things (it's unreasonable to expect him to know how to react if he doesn't know what I'd expect/hope for).

Many thanks for all your comments. Fingers crossed both dates work out okay!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 07-Oct-13 08:15:28

Thanks for getting back to us. Hopefully this will be the start of you being able to ask and him being able to listen

NotYoMomma Mon 07-Oct-13 08:18:39

even if he has an afternoon can you not just do both appointments anyway? vets and drs? vets wont take long tbh.

and then go to the fair at the weekend

just tell him what has to happen as its best for you!

do you drive? can he not get alternative transport for theday so you can have car?

NotYoMomma Mon 07-Oct-13 08:21:17

woooooo I am well shit at reading threads wink

glad it worked out!

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