to decline baby shower invitation?

(33 Posts)
picniclady Fri 20-Sep-13 13:55:51

A long-term friend of mine has decided to have a baby shower, actually two baby showers, one for friends and one for family. I'm invited to the 'friends' one. It is being organised by her best friend and involves an expensi. As afternoon tea a trendy part of London (£25 per head basic price, excluding service and extras, price includes some cake, a pot of tea and some mini sandwiches) in a cafe. Champagne is optional but knowing some of her friends they will indulge.

I''ve been friends with her a long time, but don't live locally, see her about quarterly for a catch up lunch etc.we don't usually speak between visits. My reason for declining is partly the expense (I imagine her friends will want to split the bill and I can't pay just the (expensive) basic £25 cost. Add in train fare and gift and it's very costly, I don't really have spare cash for all this. It is also due to my dislike of baby showers, I find it all pretty ott and never had one myself.

I've arranged to see her on a different weekend, am buying her a nice baby gift from John Lewis etc, but feel bad for declining the baby shower invitation due to 'husband working away that weekend so I have to look after dc'.

I've never been invited to a baby shower and I'm quite pleased about that.

You have a perfect true and valid excuse and have no need to feel guilty.

sameoldIggi Fri 20-Sep-13 17:37:13

I would have thought a baby shower should be a catered event, like going to a birthday party, you pay for a present but the host pays for the refreshments.

Tommy Fri 20-Sep-13 17:42:20

surely a baby shower is something that someone else organises for you? hmm
I had one - a complete surprise - that a friend hosted at her house on a Sunday afternoon with tea and cake. It was just lovely smile No expectations or assumptions - just a group of women having a cuppa and a chat

SconeRhymesWithGone Fri 20-Sep-13 17:43:40

What sameoldIggi said. I am American so have been to many baby showers in my lifetime. I have never been invited to one where the guests were expected to pay for the food. The hosts should be doing that (and so having it on whatever scale they can afford).

AmandaPandtheNightmareMonsters Fri 20-Sep-13 17:48:49

Nope. You are being totally reasonable.

I think big 'events' for life events are getting a bit out of hand. If you have a baby shower in my town, I will come round, eat cake and bring a little pressie (just won't buy another when the baby is born as I would have done otherwise). Faffing with hotels and trains and masses of expense - no.

Same rule goes for hen nights, unless I am incredibly close to the hen I'm not trekking across the country and spending a fortune on it.

There seem to be multiplying opportunities to expect friends and family to spend loads of money to 'celebrate with you' when most of those people would far rather save the money for a visit when the baby is born, or spend that hen weekend money on a holiday that they themselves have chosen (or the gas bill...).

SconeRhymesWithGone Fri 20-Sep-13 18:06:21

I think big 'events' for life events are getting a bit out of hand.

This is true in the US as well. I have a friend whose daughter wanted a baby shower on the scale of a wedding reception: at night, couples invited, swanky venue, 60-plus people. Needless to say no one jumped at the chance to host it for her.

Luckily the norm where I live is still an afternoon gathering in someone's home with finger sandwiches and cake.

raisah Fri 20-Sep-13 18:29:04

If she wants to have the baby shower, then she should foot the bill. Another way to get the guest into paying for the celebration & getting a gift out of it with minimal outlay for the host. Very greedy & bad mannered.

picniclady Fri 20-Sep-13 21:45:50

Thanks for all the responses. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks expensive and elaborate venues for baby showers etc are over the top. II'd love to go if it was a cup of tea and cakes at her house, but the current plan is way ott.

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