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AIBU?

I know IABU and i really don't care

13 replies

dementedmumof6 · 22/08/2013 23:00

I know not only am I being unreasonable but am also causing problems for myself but can't bring myself to care.

I had started a topic in relationships but don't know how to link so a brief summary is, My stbxh and I split up almost 4 years ago while I was pregnant with our much planned for 6th child, we stupidly got back together 2 years ago although the trust was gone on my part then separated again in February of this year.
And me being even more stupid i started sleeping with him again a few months ago although knew we couldn't live together but thought we were dating again only to be told last week that he has met someone else and wants to make a go of it with her, he swears that he didn't sleep with her while with me but needs to give it a try.

It shouldn't matter to me we were not properly together but it does really bother me , I had met him when I was 16 and he was the only person I have ever slept with.

sorry that wasn't brief.
The part that I am unreasonable about is he normally has the kids while I work but is unavailable tomorrow due to a meeting he can't get out of and he wants the gf to watch my youngest 2 children and I told him no ,which he can't understand as she watched them 2 weeks ago, and the kids love and adore her. but I can't bring myself to let her as I thought she was someone I was becoming friends with.

If you've managed to get thru all that well done.

I suppose i'm asking am I being unreasonable to say no I would rather take them to work with me (which isn't a problem) or should I bite the bullet and say ok she can have them.

sorry for the essay

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lagertops · 22/08/2013 23:57

You found out he was seeing her last week but she watched them two weeks ago? So she was looking after them behind your back?

I want to help but I am so confused...

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lagertops · 23/08/2013 00:00

If you have only known of her existence for a week then no, don't trust a stranger to watch your children.

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jacks365 · 23/08/2013 00:05

This is far too early for him to be introducing a partner to them nevermind letting her look after them. Yanbu at all.

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Isabeller · 23/08/2013 00:06

If I understand two weeks ago you thought she was becoming a friend, a week ago you discovered she is your ex's new someone else.

Not surprised you don't feel comfortable but maybe for the sake of not burning bridges you could say "not this time, they'll be fine at work with me for a change" or something that sounds casual not like starting an argument.

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dementedmumof6 · 23/08/2013 00:08

I've known her for a Cpl of months she was a friend of a friend that I thought was becoming a friend of mine

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CookieLady · 23/08/2013 00:09

When she watched them the last time, were you aware she was his gf?

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dementedmumof6 · 23/08/2013 00:14

He says she wasn't that they only got together last week, I think what hurts more is had to listen him today say how he has never felt this way about anyone before.

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Finola1step · 23/08/2013 00:21

I don't think YABU. The previous occasion when she babysat was under different circumstances (what you thought was the beginning of a friendship not the beginning of their relationship!).

It's far too early for her to be involved with your dc in any way. Take them with you if it's ok. And give them both a wide berth for a while until you feel more comfortable with the situation.

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Isabeller · 23/08/2013 00:24

pretty much everyone gets that pink glow at the start of a new romance, very difficult not to take it to heart but it's probably not literally true that he's 'never felt this way'

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Finola1step · 23/08/2013 00:27

Sorry x post. Good grief! Has the man no sense? I strongly advise minimal contact for a while and stick to only communicating about the dc.

On what planet does he live if he thinks its ok to talk about his new gf in such a way to the mother of his children (when the relationship between you both wasn't really done and dusted). What a prick.

Steer clear OP unless you want to listen to his loved up drivel.

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dementedmumof6 · 23/08/2013 00:35

I am trying Fin the only problem being I am now pretty much isolated as I live in a small place (think entire population of less than 6000 people) where everyone knows everyone else and the people I am friends with are also her friends and if push came to shove would put her first as they all grew up together and i'm the incomer who only moved here 3 years ago and don't have the option to move .

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Finola1step · 23/08/2013 00:48

It does sound really tricky. But... You do not have to have any form of conversation with him unless its about the dc. He's not your friend. Why should you have to listen to details about their budding "romance". What's in it for you?

Put yourself first. Treat yourself a bit and look after yourself. Let him do what he needs to do as long as he does the right thing by the children.

Oh and if he starts talking about relationship stuff, cut him dead, change the subject to mundane stuff (new school uniforms, shoes etc) and don't entertain his nonsense.

You may not be able to steer clear physically but some emotional detachment will save you a lot in the l