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AIBU or is DH?

(35 Posts)
littlecrick Sat 03-Aug-13 13:54:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BrainSurgeon Sat 03-Aug-13 13:57:55

I reckon YABU, but then that's just me.

Sirzy Sat 03-Aug-13 13:59:27

Sounds like crossed wires. He didnt say what time he would be home, you assumed what time he would be home.

It does appear you have slightly over reacted though. I could understand being slightly miffed but not really worth getting upset about.

YANBU to be irritated, but YWBU to have a huge argument, or to let it happen again. Me and DH have had this before but I have learnt to be very clear on what options I have, and the timings and ask about his timings too. Doing something in the afternoon could mean 1, 3 or 5! If you had told your DH about coffee he could either tell you to go, or have been aware you were missing it for him and made an effort to be back early, you cant blame him for sonething he didnt know about....

HollyBerryBush Sat 03-Aug-13 14:02:43

When he left last night, he said he was that he was glad he was playing so early because then he'd be finished by 10.00, and we could do something together this afternoon. He didn't specify what time he'd be home, but I took it to mean that he'd finish golf then come straight back, so home by midday, at the very latest?

You assumed he'd be home by Midday? did you at any point in the above conversation say "I'm meeting Friend for coffee at midday" ? and offer to cancel/change those plans?

I never try and place constraints on his time, but I just like to know what he's doing, so I can plan my time.

This is revolutionary - how about you make your plans regardless of what he is doing?

musicposy Sat 03-Aug-13 14:03:04

I would take afternoon to mean around 2 or 3 given that he was busy in the morning.
Word of wisdom, don't create trouble because he's been chatting to his mum. There are much worse sins and it's not like it's 6pm.
Chalk it up to experience. Next time, go out with your friend and leave a note saying you'll be back by 2.30pm.

Yanbu

If I were you I'd go out. Properly out. Tea/cake, cinema, bit of light shopping.

And I'd leave a note detailing what you said - that you don't give a flying fuck when he comes back but that you don't expect to cancel plans with friends because he said he was going to be back.

SevenReasonsToSmile Sat 03-Aug-13 14:03:21

YABU you should have asked if it was worth meeting your friend of if he expected to be home by then.

Emilythornesbff Sat 03-Aug-13 14:04:23

I think you were possibly a bit U. But I can see why you are annoyed with him.
He didn't say he would be home at midday, just that you both could do something that afternoon, which I am guessing you could have. (and still could?)
In your position I would be annoyed because I 'd assumed (never a good idea) that he would be back at a certain time, and therefore, missed out on doing something. Really, you shouldn't have I'd no to your friend without being clearer with him about the timings.
I'd enjoy the time alone (omg the pure luxury) so you don't feel you've wasted time waiting around for him and kiss and make up when he gets back.

Seenenoughtoknow Sat 03-Aug-13 14:05:39

I think lessons should be learnt from the experience. Better communication, telling him you've turned down coffee and cake so expect him home, or asking specifically what time he is to be home by so you can arrange your own thing.
When this kind of thing happens to me I'm usually annoyed with myself for not originally asking the questions I wanted the answers to, because all of this could have been avoided.
I think it is the fault of both of you, him for being too relaxed about the time, and you for not vocalising that you'd turned down an offer to be with him.
My DH and I have had lots of these moments and have both learned to be more considerate (and set plans in stone) over time.

littlecrick Sat 03-Aug-13 14:06:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hadababygirl Sat 03-Aug-13 14:08:13

It's off topic a bit but it does go to show how when you're single you get chucked for partners! Why on earth couldn't you have seen your friend anyway? You see your OH every day I assume, or near enough?

Sirzy Sat 03-Aug-13 14:08:46

Well you could have just sent him a text saying "don't rush back from your mum, x has asked to meet so I will be home by 2 - see you then and we can go out"

I think yanbu and he abu- but mainly because he was hostile when you put it to him.

if he hadn't been hostile then i would have said neither of you abu.

littlecrick Sat 03-Aug-13 14:11:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

he should have met you halfway.

a decent person would have gone, "i'm sorry i didn't let you know what time i would be coming back or been more specific - I didn't think it would interfere with your plans" not "how is it my fault, you're not my keeper?!"

4thfloor Sat 03-Aug-13 14:15:56

I'm with hadababygirl here why would you turn down going to see your friend simply because DH might be back?

Would you normally turn her down if DH was at home on a Sat?

Emilythornesbff Sat 03-Aug-13 14:16:23

Chalk it up to experience. It seems as though you have become very wily irritated with him. This is easily done ime husbands can be annoying.
But if you love to man, there is no point in stretching this argument out and hanging on to feelings of resentment.
You say he's been stressed at work. Why not try to be understanding and cut him some slack <quite shocked at self>.
Bickering and sniping at each other can be very destructive in a relationship. Sometimes all it takes is a hug and a "sorry we fought. I love you" to lift the mood and for you both to have a good afternoon together. Or you could stew and sulk and feel pissed off with each other for days on end.
Not saying this is your fault, or that you are solely responsible for the peace at home (not at all) but it's just helpful to put grievance aside sometimes.

4thfloor Sat 03-Aug-13 14:17:44

oh & he should apologise, that's not on to play the 'I don't understand why your upset' thing

littlecrick Sat 03-Aug-13 14:17:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

it sounds like it.
sad

littlecrick Sat 03-Aug-13 14:20:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

4thfloor - it's because he had said he wanted to spend the afternoon doing something with them.
If it had just been an afternoon at home doing nothing, then fair enough, but he specifically said that he was glad he was finishing early so they could do something inthe afternoon

littlecrick Sat 03-Aug-13 14:26:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hadababygirl Sat 03-Aug-13 14:28:16

I accept that but (this is a general point, OP, it isn't aimed at you) I barely see anyone other than DD at weekends due to this 'we will do something together', I don't know, maybe I'm the one BU! But it means a lot to me when I get to meet a friend on a weekend and I don't think that many people always realise that.

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