Is there anyone who doesn't bitch behind people's backs?

(99 Posts)
PrincessWellington Thu 25-Jul-13 20:58:24

Beginning to think not and accepting that its life.

mrspaddy Thu 25-Jul-13 21:25:42

blush Sister in law.. god my head is over over the place this evening.. overtired. Ha ha

Boreoff Thu 25-Jul-13 21:36:44

Does anyone find that if you don't engage in the gossip certain "friends" can turn off or funny with you?

MrsDeVere Thu 25-Jul-13 21:41:09

I think it can become a habit and depend on who you are mixing with.

I have had friends who have always left me with a feeling of unease when we finish talking. It took me a while to realise it was because I didn't like myself afterwards.
Because the conversation always took an off turn.

A bit of a moan is one thing. Slating and rumourmongering is very different and can cause real problems.

VenusSurprising Thu 25-Jul-13 21:43:50

I don't bitch about people.
I tend just to wish people well and get on with my own short life.

That's not to say I never have arguments, or say nice things all the time: I just tell people to their face how I feel about them (mostly good)! I try not to judge people as who knows why people do the things they do!

I have I however come across the bitchiest school gate self styled alphamums group and have found out quite recently that I have been the subject of a super bitch fest - all with totally inaccurate information. I do feel a bit sorry for those women who have nothing better to do than make up stuff about me and gripe about it, but as Oscar Wilde said "there's only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about".

Peace and love to all!

Helpyourself Thu 25-Jul-13 21:44:37

Boreoff, definitely.
However it's not worth gossiping with colleagues or not vvvv close friends as it'll come back and bite you.

fromparistoberlin Thu 25-Jul-13 21:51:07

no, or very few

fromparistoberlin Thu 25-Jul-13 21:53:15

but, bitching can vary. Right??? I might get a tad
cross and annoyed with people at work, and verbally share that at times...

but I dont slag off their eyebrows!

DrunkenButterfly Thu 25-Jul-13 21:53:43

Boreoff yes certainly that has happened to me very recently. I do not bitch about people behind their backs - if they annoy/offend me I either avoid them or let them know! There are better and more important things to be getting on with.

Boreoff Thu 25-Jul-13 21:54:52

That's very true. Some seem to think you are not worthy of their friendship if you don't slag off their latest victims with them and kind of turn cold on you.

Twattybollocks Thu 25-Jul-13 21:56:22

I don't. My rule is if I wouldn't say it to someone's face I shouldn't say it at all.

DrunkenButterfly Thu 25-Jul-13 21:57:38

Wow VenusSurprising are you me? A group of mums here (Reception year - they work fast) have seemingly set themselves up as the alpha group and are constantly networking. They tried to include me, briefly, in their group, but I did not take part in their drinking bitching. I am now being shunned spectacularly - and bitched about! As you say, peace and love smile

My friend Katherine has never said an unkind word about a soul in her life.

She is a genuinely lovely person.

They do exist.

Shame I've been on this earth for 28 years and only met one!

Boreoff Thu 25-Jul-13 21:58:53

I might discuss with friends if someone had upset me and get their view on the situation but would never get personal or be cruel.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Thu 25-Jul-13 22:00:02

Aw, Crapbag you don't have to put the dashes around every word. Just either end of the sentence will do!

grin

What I was going to say is that I have a dear friend who I love spending time with but is a terrible gossip. I always mind what I say in front of her in case she gossips about me.

If we do end up talking about someone I always imagine that they are listening and I try and be as tactful and polite as possible, if I absolutely have to join in the conversation.

Boreoff Thu 25-Jul-13 22:05:47

Butterfly, what happens with those types is that if you don't gossip etc you are not fun to them, they want like minded people to gossip with and about!

MrsDeVere Thu 25-Jul-13 22:10:15

You know those people who always bitch about your other friends and spend hours slagging them off and picking their lives apart?
They do that to you.

Took me a little while to work that out and when I did things were never quite the same again.

Boomba Thu 25-Jul-13 22:14:53

this thread is odd confused....most people dont 'bitch behind other peoples backs' IME

I dont, neither do any of my friends.

I might say horrid things about people i dont like....but, you mean bitching about people behind their backs, when you are supposed to be friends do you?

PrincessWellington Thu 25-Jul-13 22:20:29

Boomba I was referring to any bitching really. Colleagues in my experience are the worst

Boreoff Thu 25-Jul-13 22:20:49

Boomba, why is it odd? Yes it does happen, that is why we are discussing it.

Lucky you to have never come across such behaviour.

Boomba Thu 25-Jul-13 22:26:08

i think its odd...because i dont know that many people that do it. I am suprised that so many of you do. yes, i guess i am lucky

But, I agree...at work it happens. But people are forced to spend lots of time, with people they might not want to...so thats pretty understandable i think. People need to vent sometimes and not have a face-off with people they have to spend all day with,m over irritating trivialities

maddy68 Thu 25-Jul-13 22:31:25

I really don't! I will say it to their faces but never bitch about anyone. Tbh that's why most of my friends are blokes because they don't bitch either!

Boomba Thu 25-Jul-13 22:33:37

what a load of rubbish maddy

Groovee Thu 25-Jul-13 22:35:04

There's a mum who's son is at school with my son. She told me she didn't bitch and I laughed cos it's all she ever does.

Boreoff Thu 25-Jul-13 22:43:37

Boomba, that is true. There is a difference between discussing a situation or someone that has upset you to being cruel, personal and nasty.

You are obviously a good judge of character, I have a small lovely non bitchy group of friends but have also come across a few that love nothing more then to be truly horrid about their so called friends.

EuphemiaLennox Thu 25-Jul-13 22:44:29

I sometimes moan about my friends to my DH and then feel very guilty as I love them but they're just being a bit annoying.

I dont bitch to friends abut other friends that would be terribly disloyal. I try to be very loyal to my real friends.

I am terribly interested in other people and what makes them tick...which could be gossip I guess but I'm very non judgmental.

I do have a few poeple I 'know' but can't stand and do occasionally moan about them to friends.

I think if my DH and I didn't talk about our friends and theirs lives we'd have nothing much to say to each other. I find people fascinating.

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