To not consider myself a 'dance mom'

[Runwayqueen]

Just that really....

Dd (3.1 pfb) has been attending a local non competitive dance school since January this year. She started off just doing ballet, she has since been allowed to join in the tap class and in September will pick up street dance and possibly Latin American.

She enjoys it, almost always wants to take part, and if she is having a normal toddler/preschooler moment and wants to sit out for a bit, that's absolutely fine. Recently she has been in some exhibitions with the school too, she enjoyed showing off with her little friends. She is a long way off doing any exams, so there really is no pressure on her, it's just some fun for her.

I mentioned how she was doing to stbxh and he kept telling me I'm turning into a 'dance mom' (I assume he means the ones we see on the American tv show), that I'm being pushy with dd, and that its too much for her, that I should be encouraging her to do sports he likes. Also he added that it will spoil her. Stbxh is not absent from dd's life, but he only manages maybe 2-3hrs in one block in a month, so it's a little minimal. He has been to 1 lesson since January and he commented at the time how much she was enjoying it, so I'm at a loss as to where his comments come from.

Aibu to be upset by his comments? I work hard to provide for dd, yes she is my only child, but she isn't spoilt, she is a polite little girl who just enjoys to dance. If at any point she doesn't want to do it that's fine.

Thank you for reading.

[Runwayqueen]

Apologies, that was probably much longer than it needed to be

[cluckyduck]

Well I am a 'dance mom' as DD does competitive dancing.

She chooses to do it, I support it.

Do what makes your DD happy.

[cluckyduck]

God I didn't mean that to sound as surly as it comes across as! Sorry OP!

[StayAwayFromTheEdge]

Your DD enjoys dance - fine.

But how do you know she won't enjoy other sports that she can share with her Dad?

We have 3 DSs who do a variety of sports (and one does ballet) some are things that we can enjoy as a family - mountain biking and skiing and some that they have picked themselves - football, tennis, gymnastics etc

[Runwayqueen]

Clucky no worries. If the time comes and she wants to compete I'll support her. I've seen the program I think he is comparing me too, and it frightened me more than anything lol. I danced as a child and I don't ever remember scenes like you do on the show.

If she wants to do other sports and activities that's completely fine. I take her swimming when I can, she loves climbing and when my bf moves in he will probably take her to try out our local clip and climb. She loves football, our local toddler football group runs just before her ballet lesson so I felt it may be too much for her in one morning, but as soon as I can find a group that doesn't conflict and she wants to go then she can.

I've said many times to stbxh that he and dd should have an activity/sport they can do together. But he makes very little effort to see dd. If things improve with his contact, I'll gladly make sure she can do his chosen activity

[northlight]

I know lots of primary aged kids who are dancers or who danced in the past. Every single one loves, and is good at, other sports.

All the skills are transferable - stamina, coordination, balance, agility, sequencing movements... You are teaching your child that physical activity is fun and laying the foundation for a healthy future. The fun is the most important part.

[StayAwayFromTheEdge]

I would disagree and say that 4 different dance groups at the age of 3 is too many.

A variety of different sports so your DD can find one or two that she enjoys and sticks with would be much better.

If you add in swimming, football and climbing each week that is 7 activities which is just too much at any age.

[SanityClause]

Perhaps you could encourage your ex to take DD to an activity that he would like to share with her. It could be a lovely way of them spending some regular time together.

Also, while I am sure that four dance lessons a week don't seem that much for a 3yo, when she starts school, she may not be able to cope. But, I'm sure you will be able to cross that bridge when you come to it.

[SanityClause]

Oh, sorry, I see that you have done so. It sounds like he is just finding something to criticise you about, then.

[Runwayqueen]

I agree completely 7 classes would be too much. Swimming though is when I can, which is once or twice a month. Clip and climb is a one off experience, our local climb centre won't take them in the children's class till she is 5, that's a long way off for us and she may not like dance nor climbing by then. Latin American is very much only a possibility, I'd be happier to wait again till she wants to do it rather than the school being happy for her to do it, but the option is there.

[hmsvictoria]

Your stbxh not liking dance is a ridiculous argument. He needs to get to know her better. It's what she wants to do, which is ALL THAT MATTERS.

(DD2 has been dancing since she was 3. Her Dad doesn't particularly like or know anything about ballet, but he goes to her shows and encourages her like any half-decent dad!)

In any case, 3 is WAY too young to start her on multiple different sports. She will let you know if/when she wants to try something else.

[Runwayqueen]

For a man who chooses to be absent from his daughters life he finds a lot to criticise me on. In fairness I really shouldn't rise to it. But he is very much welcome to do an activity with her. I will happily curtail the dancing if it means she is being given a regular opportunity to see her father

[gotthemoononastick]

Do not worry as long as she loves it.A good teacher will soon see if she is one of our ilk who simply have to dance to be able to breathe.Then you will be the dance-mum and have no choice about it!

[Fillyjonk75]

I am a dance mum, but not one of THOSE IYSWIM. I suffered from pushy mums myself (other mums not my own) as a young dancer.

I am just there to support them and help them remember what they need etc, and pay for things! Also DH takes them on Saturdays so is involved as well.

[hmsvictoria]

If you want to encourage him to spend time with her, perhaps limit the dancing? Then your DD will have the time and energy for other activities and he will have no excuse not to see her. He might even want to...

He sounds like an idiot, though.

[Runwayqueen]

Thank you all for posting. I feel much more sure that I am making ok choices for dd. I shouldn't let him put the seed of doubt in my mind, unless of course it is justified.

I was a young dancer, and still do it in my spare time, but honestly if she doesn't want to do it I'll listen to here. If I end up being a dance mum, so be it (

[LadyBryan]

It doesn't matter what other people think of you. What matters is your daughter is happy and it sounds like you're doing all you can to do that.

I'm sure I fit a stereotype that people sneer at. But I'm happy, my family is happy and my daughter is happy. I don't let small-minded people have any effect on me

[Runwayqueen]

Hms sorry I didn't see your last post. From sept she will do one class on a wed, and the other two will be sat morning, so I'm hoping stbxh will still see he has plenty of opportunity to see dd. ironically his niece is in the same tap class as dd.

[Picturesinthefirelight]

Another dance mom here :). Daughter about to go off to full time dance performing arts school.

If she's happy let her be. My dd hates sport. If she gets too tired cut down a bit ( I restricted the number if classes dd did until she was 7. She began at 4 with ballet & stagecoach then added tap & modern and finally contemporary and dance group combined with show rehearsals.

You miss it when they stop (or go off to full time school)

[hmsvictoria]

You don't have to become a dance mum!

DD2 has been dancing since she was 3. She's now 13, has been doing 7+ hours a week since she was 8 and she still loves it. But I'm no dance Mum! I buy the kit, occasionally drive her to classes etc and always go to her shows, but that's it.

[Runwayqueen]

Hms that sounds perfect I'll do that! I sit and watch now, as she isn't long out of nappies, and toilet dashes still happen, soon I'll happily relocate to the parents cafe with my kindle.

[Runwayqueen]

My mum is hoping I'll let her go to stagecoach from 4. I'm going to wait till after reception year before that's a consideration.

[redskyatnight]

I personally think 4 activities for a 3 year old is a lot anyway, and it seems very limiting that they are ALL dance.

I have a similar discussion with my DSIL whose children (granted a little older than yours) play 3 different instruments, sing in a choir and play in a music group but don't do anything else. I think it's a shame that young children don't get the chance to try a variety of activities when they are young so they can decide which ones they are interested in/good at. Your DD may enjoy dance, but maybe she would enjoy football or gymnastics or music or ... more?

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

I have a 3 year old who loves babyballet. We are debating letting her also do the 15 minutes of "mini tap" that is on after BB from September but not sure if it will be too much as she gets very tired after dancing.

So personally I think 3 or 4 classes of dance a week is too much. There are so many pre schooler activities out there - swimming, gym, music, play groups, tennis that you can't do all of them. I try and do a bit of a range with dd (she's done all of the above at one time or other) rather than stick with just one thing.

However, I am not sure that someone who only sees her for 2 - 3 hours a month is really in a position to have an opinion. Even if he is her father. I spend more time with several friend's kids than that. Assuming a 12 hour sleep / awake cycle she has 360 waking hours a month so he spends less than 1% with her.

If he wants her to do hockey or whatever he needs to take her to it.

[Runwayqueen]

We did try gymnastics, way before I even considered dance, and she didn't get on with it. I didn't want to force it, so after a few months of trying we left it.

Her classes are 30 mins each, as I said before the Latin is only a possibility. We spend more time in a play centre or the park than we do at the dance school per week.

I am most certainly willing to drop a class (I actually would love it for her) if stbxh does decide to do an activity regularly with her, but I don't want to drop something she appears to be very much enjoying if he isn't going to bother to maintain it. Our dance school gives parents the facility to pay weekly, so at least if he wants her at the same time as a class he can have his time with her (not that this has so far been a problem).

If she wants to do hockey, I'd be ecstatic! Former left wing hockey player here, that would make my day