AIBU to tell school on this boy

[taleteller]

Have namechanged as this incident is recognisable.

DS (12) very upset last week (in tears which is not like him) following an incident at the after school sports club. He was so late when I came to collect him that I sent someone in to find him. He had been looking for his bag in the change rooms and it had vanished whilst he had been outside doing the club. Phone (cheap £10 PAYG one but with £10 credit on it), books (including school text books and library books) all gone. Also the bag itself which he had chosen at Xmas and had cost £45.

So to begin with I say it might turn up. Seemed an odd thing for someone to steal and nothing else around the room had been taken. I thought it was an accident or a prank.

A week later, after numerous visits to lost property etc, another boy he doesn't know very well says "haven't you found it yet - I hid it behind the bin". So clearly it was a prank. Trouble is, the bag has gone. DS says that whilst he was looking for the bag he had even looked in the bins and they were all totally empty - with new bags inside. We now suspect the cleaner might have treated his bag as rubbish and disposed of it. Tried to speak to cleaners but their English is very poor and they just seemed not to know anything about it.

So, would I be unreasonable to speak to the school and possibly cause trouble for this lad. He has not apologised to DS though I don't think he was being malicious (I cant be sure). DS wants me to speak to the school as he is still upset about losing his things and I think he wants justice! If it were DS who had done this and I found out, I would be offering to contribute towards the lost items - it is going to cost us to replace the books unless school ask the other lad to do this - let along to replace the phone and the bag. I don't know if that is something I would be reasonable to ask for. Maybe I should just ask for a written apology. Or should I just leave it rather than tell tales?

[Chocotrekkie]

I would want the other child/his parents to replace in full the items he stole. If you need to get the school involved so be it.

[CloudsAndTrees]

Of course you should tell the school if you know for a fact that someone has stolen someone else's property on their premises. It's a no brainer to me, especially as ds wants you to talk to them.

Are you someone that has been brought up to believe that 'being a grass' is something awful? Because I honestly don't understand your reluctance to speak to the school.

[Justforlaughs]

If DS wants you to speak to the school then do so. If he wants you to leave it alone and you can afford to do so then leave it alone. I also think the parents should be helping to fork out for repalcements, especially if there are school books that need replacing as well as personal items.

[SenoritaViva]

I would tell the school, however, I would (sadly) go with no expectations other than an apology (and hope for something more).

[Mrsrobertduvall]

Yes I would want the parents to replace.
Ds had his Oyster card stolen at school, we had to pay £10 to replace, then ds found out a boy in his year was using it.....

I told HOY and next day there was £10 from the boy.

[Flappingandflying]

Yes. It's the only way he's going to learn not to be an idiot and I think he should contribute to the lost items. If nothing else your son will be clobbered for the text books and that's not fair.

[neontetra]

Does your DS feel able to talk to school about this himself? It should be taken seriously. If he has tried and been fobbed off, then yes I think you should step in.

[IloveJudgeJudy]

Yes, I would definitely speak to the school, especially as your DS actually wants you to.

The daughter of a friend of mine had her blazer completely ruined by a couple of other pupils. She spoke to the school and the parents had to pay for a new one, so it is worth doing. Also, the other pupil needs to know that that kind of behaviour is unacceptable and that it has consequences.

[WorraLiberty]

Your DS wants you to speak to the school because he wants justice

What possible reason can you think of for not speaking to them on your DS's behalf?

[taleteller]

Hi thanks for the views. I would have no doubts at all if the boy had "stolen" the bag, obviously! It is just unfortunate that he hid the bag in a place where it seems to have been thrown out. Apparently a lot of this sort of thing goes on with them hiding bags in the showers and so on and I wasn't sure whether it was reasonable to ask for compensation in these circumstances. Outright theft I would be in there without a doubt.

[CloudsAndTrees]

It makes no difference whether the boy took the stuff home and sold it or hid it somewhere thinking that it would be found. Either way, your son has been deprived of his belongings through no fault of his own, and as a direct consequence of someone else's deliberate actions.

Maybe after this incident the school will come down harder on children 'hiding' other people's things, because that shouldn't be going on anyway.

[Mrsrobertduvall]

It needs to be nipped in the bud.
It may have been a prank, but has had repurcussions.

[pointythings]

Bag hiding is a problem in DD1's school too, one boy in particular who likes to pick on her does it every science lesson. Fortunately he cannot leave the classroom and is not very good at hiding so she always finds it. It has now got to the stage where she says to the teacher 'Sir, can I have 5 extra minutes in the classroom to find my bag from wherever X has hidden it?' in a world weary blase tone of voice. X is now losing interest because she's not rising to the bait, but it is still a pain and the teacher (who is brilliant at teaching) is too weak to come down on it.

[taleteller]

Okay I feel happier speaking to the school. I am going to do it myself rather than ask DS to do it. That way if there is any talk about telling tales, DS can say that it was his mum who insisted on going in to the school because all those things had been lost.

Thanks for your input - I feel more confident about it now.

[Jengnr]

Why did the school not act on his bag being missing in the first place?

[WorraLiberty]

Good luck OP

[Roshbegosh]

He didn't steal the bag. It was a silly prank that went too far.

[pigletmania]

Yanbu I would tell the school of course

[PrincessScrumpy]

If my dd played such a prank I would want to know and would replace lost stuff etc so if he has good parents it should be fine... Problem is I think i'm in the minority. Good luck

[KinkyDorito]

I find it very odd that the cleaners would have chucked it without looking. Cleaners at our school would take anything like that to lost property, however battered. They don't routinely chuck unless it is actually in the bin, even then they would probably hesitate. I've left things like photocopy boxes next to the bin and they leave them unless instruct to throw them out.

I am struggling to believe this is what happened. I think there is more to this and I would be in touch with school.

[pigletmania]

Yes but rose as a result of his actions belongings went missing, if he did not play that prank op ds would still have his possessions. He needs to be disciplined and arents need to pay

[KinkyDorito]

I'm sure they would recognise that students don't just throw away their bags filled with books in a school!

[Picturepuncture]

Ha Dorito! The cleaners where I work binned a class set of exercise books because a teacher left them on the floor under his desk (next to the recycling bin!). Standards vary....

[Sallyingforth]

He's a thief.
No doubt lawyers will argue about whether or not his intention was to permanently deprive, but morally he is most definitely a thief.
No question that he should be reported to the school and his parents should pay.