Family Celebration & 8 Months Pregnant(34 Posts)
This is my first post on AIBU so please be gentle with me. I have a little predicament that I would welcome your opinions on. I feel terrible/ guilty about my decision and would like to know if I am out of order and if I should change my mind.
My DH's sister is having her youngest christened 3 weeks prior to my due date. We live 2 hours away from DH family and would probably have to stay overnight due to the timings of the celebrations. This is my 2nd pregnancy and thus far it has been as horrible as the first (hyperemesis & PGP throughout).
I am reluctant to travel due to this being so close to due date and given the medical issues stated above. As soon as we found out about the christening we did inform family that there was a fair chance we wouldn't be able to go. They acknowledged this but I know are disappointed and are still a bit angry about it.
I have considered sending DH on his own but my first labour was very quick and he probably wouldn't get back in time, plus I was not "with it" during labour so really appreciated having him there for support and to make the important decisions on my behalf.
So am I BU in not going or am I being selfish?
I wouldn't go, because of being uncomfortable in the car, but I would try to persuade my dh to go. Fairly unusual for a baby to be born in under two hours from the first signs <yes, I know it does happen, but am saying statistically >, and it's perfectly possible your lo won't arrive for about 5 weeks after that ~ always difficult to say.
Surely you must have a good friend or a relation who would come and stay with you for the day / weekend if that made you feel better ?
Badguider & Backforgood, thanks for the comments. If I was breezing through pregnancy we would both be going but due to the hyperemesis & PGP I feel that it's just too much so late in pregnancy. My family are not in this country so that's not an option but a friend might be.
As for quick labour, yes it was less than 5 hours from start to finish and I was not in any fit state to make any decisions etc... DH did all that on my behalf for which I will be eternally grateful, he's fantastic in high pressure situations.
I'd stay at home and "let" DH go but on the understanding that he drops everything to come back at the slightest whiff of labour.
Now, now, dearie. You are now a mother, which means you are old enough to learn how we handle these IL dramas.
Please start by approaching your nearest bathroom mirror and assiduously practicing your brave, sad smile. You know, the one that suggests you are deeply grieved, but keeping a stiff upper lip so as not to upset the dear people around you. Surreptitiously wiping away a tear is probably not necessary, but do throw in a dash of "oh these ILs who are always hurting my feelings -- I will put up with them because I so love their son/brother."
Next, still smiling bravely, rehearse some casual throwaway lines such as, "Of course my DH/your son/your brother isn't AT ALL hurt the christening is when we can't come, I reminded him how hard it is to book up the church and the hall and so on," "Of COURSE we understand you can't book DC's christening just to accomodate us, there are so many other guests to think of, really it's fine," "No, I really don't mind having to miss the party, but please please will you make sure to send me some of the photos?" Don't forget the killer: "I'm just so happy our DC will be so close in age, imagine what good friends they will grow up to be!" For dear SIL I suggest at some point a whispered "What are you going to wear -- I'm wondering if I will fit into my favourite pearl-studded ball gown in time for our own DC's christening..." For MIL you might try the thoughtfully furrowed brow: "Gosh, do you think we should already be planning DC2's ceremony, as we so want to make sure the timing will work for all of you?"
Oh, and if you want a christening present out of them for your DC you can endear yourself by asking SIL if there's anything in particular she'd like for her DC. No one ever resents a gift-giver!
And don't forget that handling ILs is good practice for handling your own two-year-olds!
They are being unreasonable to feel anything but understanding for your situation. Your health, your babies health and your husband being there if there's an early birth is far more important than a Christening. Don't let them guilt you for protecting yourself, if there's any problem with your absence, it's theirs.
No I wouldn't go. It's all very well for others to be miffed, they have nothing to lose whether you go or not. You potentially have a lot to lose - pain, discomfort, being on your own in labour. I don't suppose they'd practice what they are preaching in the same circumstances. Just ignore them and decline politely as many times as it takes.
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