AIBU re MIL's reorganisation of everything every time she visits?(58 Posts)
First up, I realise I'm probably being unreasonable and ungrateful, but this is driving me bananas.
My MIL is lovely and very keen to help out every time she visits. We have a 6 mo, so housework isn't top of the list of priorities. I do appreciate this a lot, but what drives me mad is that she reorganises everything without telling me, then says "Oh, I expect you can't find anything!" in a jokey way - NO, I CAN'T!!
- Moving/chucking out food from the fridge, moving things on the kitchen surfaces.
- Being seemingly incapable of putting the cutlery back in the right sections of the cutlery drawer so that I have to re-sort it anyway.
- Making an assumption that we're not using the toilet roll holder for no good reason (it's difficult to reach and so we just tend to use the vertical one on the floor) and moving the toilet roll.
- Mixing up different sizes of baby clothes and interfering with the organisation of them so that AGAIN I have to re-sort them.
How do I tell her to leave things alone without putting her off helping, which she really wants to do and which is really very helpful? Or should I just put up with it and go quietly mad...?
Minty - from my mum, even asking as nicely as possible for her to desist from reorganising /murdering tropical fish via bleach gets you the wobbly bottom lip "I was only trying to help" response, swiftly followed by the bollocking from dad. Db stood his ground last year, the fall out was dramatic (although these fish are now one, so there's hope at least that message has gone in). I think it doesn't help that Db is gay and my mum doesn't have another woman to defer to at their house (and bil isn't out with his family so they think he's DBS lodger).
I will never give my mum unsupervised access to my house. She just can't be trusted.
My mil on the other hand is sane. Thank god.
My MIL does loads to help us out, but it can be frustrating. My sofa is ALWAYS rearranged, which drives me nuts. When DH asked her why she did this, she said "because Kitty does it wrong!" ?!?!?!?!?!
When we were first living together, she rearranged all my pots in the a
garden and I lost my rag. She did it every time she came over. So I stopped doing any gardening: I flatly refuse to do it, so she does it all (who's the silly one eh?). She also assists DH with all our DIY as I couldn't possibly do it properly!
Suits me! But still annoying...
The last-but-one time we went on holiday the PILs were looking after the cats so popping in daily.
When we came back MIL had 'organised' all the cutlery so they were all lined up neatly. For some reason this really irked me, but wasn't as bad as finding all our washing done and ironed on our bed. Lovely, you may be thinking- but she'd done all my knickers too, which made me squirm with embarrassment. No amount of DH's assurance that MIL was a woman too, plus had had a daughter so was used to these things, would reconcile me to the fact that someone else had handled my undercrackers.
Shodam, I've had this experience with laundry too - massively helpful not to have to do any ironing, but knickers should be forbidden territory!
The cutlery drawer's much better today, although I did have to move some utensils from an entirely separate drawer into the utensil section and the measuring jug out of the nest of saucepans.
The ironing ploy was brilliant - MiL usefully occupied all of yesterday evening.
A lot of people have asked about the toilet roll holder - we're not inclined to move it, because there's nowhere else it can actually go and we're moving house soon (we hope!).
Three days to go...
My MIL ironed (and slightly melted) my washable breastpads once. She would have ironed the nappies too if she could have worked out a way, she settled for elaborate airing rituals.
Why does someone always mutter darkly on a thread about insensitive MILs that "if you have sons, this will be you one day"?
If you have sons, it will only be you if you act in an insensitive manner and disregard your DILs preferences in her own home! if your DIL or DS says "MIL/Mum, I'd prefer you not do X", just don't do it! Don't argue, get other family members to say you are being treated unfairly, play the "wobbly lip" or get aggressive. Just don't do it. Simple.
Oh the tiny food parcels in the fridge- yes yes yes! Just throw it or eat it ffs. And they are always in the wrong containers - I found a tiny amount of elderly fruit purée in a ceramic pot that lives on the windowsill as a plant holder. Blurgh.
My special hate, which covers the entire IL clan, is leaving the remote control for the tv beside the bloody tv. Why would you do that!? MIL used to come in while I was bf dd1, turn the telly on to check the score, turn the volume right up and then leave the room, with the remote safely back beside the tv. Rage!
Agree the idea that those of us who have sons should worry as we'll be the hated mil is nonsense, partly because my mil is lovely, it's my bloody mother who's a nightmare (of course this means db's dp has a nightmare mil!)
When dealing with a future dil, my mantra will be "don't be a twat", I'm sure if I avoid batshit crazy behaviour we'll get along fine...
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