To not reciprocate a playdate/day out because I don't want to encourage the friendship?

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

DD2 is 5 and she's often talked about a friend of hers...we will call her E. Now Dd is a sociable child and when Es mum who works long hours asked if she could take my DD out with E one day I asked DD and she said she'd like to go.

There had been a couple of times when DD said E pushed or pulled her around a bit too much at school but she still liked her and wanted to go with her and was still playing with her at school.

So they went...had a nice time...E, DD and Es Mum. I dont drive so it was always going to be hard for me to offer a similar day out but I thought I would instead have E over to play and perhaps take the girls out for lunch to a local child friendly pub or one of our nicer cafes and to the park.

But....over the last 3 weeks, DD has come home a lot saying E is bossy and is not letting her play with anyone else. E attacked 2 other girls on separate occasions when DD was playing with them. ...she scratched one of the girls on the face and the other was pushed onto the floor.

I don't think my DD is perfect but she's honest generally and I could tell these things upset her. E then slapped my DD and I went and had a word with the assistant teacher who said that indeed E had hit DD the day before...and at that moment Es Mum was in the office with the teacher so I couldn't talk to the teacher about it. The TA assured me she would keep an eye on things.

Yesterday DD said that E was again horrible to her and would not let any of DDs other friends near her...she growled at DD and threatned to scratch her in the face and the other children told the teacher.

I don;t want to invite her to play anymore...I would rather DD wasn't encouraged to play with her. AIBU though? Is this all par for the course?

[MrsLettuce]

Yes, it is par for the course, as in these things do happen but YANBU not to want to encourage them to spend time together.

[pigletmania]

Don't just say your a bit busy

[BoundandRebound]

Lots of people don't reciprocate so don't worry about that

Sounds like the little girl has problems though so I hope the school are dealing with it rather than just keeping an eye, sounds like she needs some social skills coaching (won't be your business though, you can only ask how they plan to keep your dd safe)

[Justforlaughs]

YANBU to not reciprocate. If the teacher was having a word with the MUM I'd be surprised if she expected you to, tbh. If you feel uncomfortable about it you could possibly suggest all meeting up together. or have the child for the day and put the fear of God into her

[CloudsAndTrees]

Yanbu.

[NeoMaxiZoomDweebie]

I do feel for the girl as her Mum is not long divorced so it;s possibly just her reaction to that...not many 5 year olds are inherently nasty after all!

[Jinty64]

I wouldn't reciprocate and if the mother invites dd again just thank her very much and say that you won't take her up on her offer as "they don't seem to be getting on so well at the moment". I have had to do this with a friend of ds(3) recently.