AIBU to think this was a little off?

(37 Posts)
CrapBag Fri 10-May-13 21:28:00

At the park a few days ago and was sat with a couple of friends, both of which I had thought were good friends. Our kids had their bikes and were riding around.

We were talking about stabilisers and I was saying I'm not sure when to take them off etc. Friend A says her DS learned to ride by using a balance bike and that it was really good, DS learnt within a few days. She said if I could (then hesitated very slightly) find someone who had one, she recommended borrowing it for my DD who could learn to ride that way. I said ok. Thought it was a good idea but a non starter because I don't know anyone with a balance bike.

Friend Bs' DS came running over about 10 minutes later to say that he wanted the stabilisers taken off and wanted to learn to ride a bike properly. Friend gushed about how this was a fantastic idea. Friend A then says "I have a balance bike, how about I bring it over tomorrow and X can have a go on it." This was within my earshot given how we were all sat around the same table.

I didn't say anything but thought this seemed a little off really. Friend A actually lives up the road from me. I am trustworthy with stuff and I thought we were actually friends. I am at a bit of a loss as to why she would suggest I find someone who has a balance bike to borrow, without saying that she has one, then offers it up to our other friend 10 minutes later. I actually felt like I was intruding on their conversations after this point as Friend A turned around to face the park and didn't turn back again. I was sat on the other side of the table so her back was to me for the rest of the time.

I am very confused. She is a lovely person and I did consider her to be a friend but actually I don't know anymore. I recently organised a weekend away, in the end she couldn't make it (after paying) and rather than actually let me know (organising it was a hassle and I did have to chase her up a couple of times) I found out through her posting it on Facebook (not my wall or anything). I thought common courtesy would mean she would have contacted me directly.

I am guessing that she doesn't actually see me as a friend? Or am I reading too much into it?

CrapBag Fri 10-May-13 22:52:32

No Lemon, they laugh at me really. Apparently they love my drunk personality. I have said this means they don't like me sober though. grin

I am just very happy, up for anything type. If there is a dare to be done (hen night style) then basically people would come to me. grin Although I can be a bit stupid too.

It doesn't paint me in a good light but whatever, I was hammered. Group of stags were asking if nipples were brown or pink. Me being me had no idea so I just showed them. blush Whoops. Got the distinct impression that my friend disapproved.

LemonPeculiarJones Fri 10-May-13 23:07:00

Heh, you were pissed and carried away, is all. If I'd been there I would have been shock and grin and my only thought would have been to steer you away from the booze hounds and make sure you were ok.

In fact one of my close friends has done something very similar while ramped up on wine!

No, anyone who decides to condemn you for that is being extremely judgemental.

This so-called friend A can go jump in a lake and no mistaking.

CrapBag Fri 10-May-13 23:11:54

See if friend b had been there, she would have steered me away but friend a just stood there, slightly at a distance, watching. I did wonder why she didn't try and control me gently suggest we move on.

I just won't have much to do with her I think and if friend b suggests inviting her along, I will say I would rather it was just us. Although I know she will want to know what the problem is as friend b thinks she is fantastic and if I tell her what I have put here, friend b will tell me it isn't like that at all and friend a is a wonderful person, not like that etc etc, because she really doesn't come across that way. That's why I can only think it is because she disapproves of me in some way.

MerylStrop Tue 14-May-13 15:21:01

You know what, I think Friend A is a bit socially-clumsy-tending-to-rude, from what you say, and probably knew she was going to lend the bike to Friend B to whom she appears to be much closer. So didn't offer. Not in itself crime of the century. But other stuff sound a bit irritating and sniffy.

As this is not a playground, and you are grown women, don't bring Friend B into it. That's not fair on B.

HellonHeels Tue 14-May-13 15:38:20

She doesn't sound that great a friend. At least you've got other friends, make the most of them.

But I only popped onto your thread to tell you that if you have a child's bike already you can turn it into a balance bike by lowering the seat so the child's feet reach the ground and taking the pedals off. They should be able to balance and scoot around on it easily. Once they've got the hang of balancing, put the pedals back on, raise the seat and away.

OP - have you considered saying to Friend A - "Getting back to you about the suggestion you made about the balance bike, I've found a friend who has one - you! so when can we borrow it for a few days?" all said as light and airy-fairy as you like and see what she says.

She will either go "D'oh! I should have offered you ours when I made the suggestion" or "I'm sorry but I've already loaned it out to X" and then you'll know where you stand. If it's the first response, then perhaps she is a bit dizzy when it comes to certain things, if it is the second response, then you know that you wont be including her in your close circle of friends and she becomes more of an acquaintance, right?

Decoy Tue 14-May-13 15:48:19

She does sound rather socially inept, but I don't think she's trying to offend or upset you. She just genuinely doesn't seem to realise. If you'd like her to know how you feel about some of the things she's said, you will need to tell her. If you're good friends then you should be able to be honest about how you feel, forgive and move on.

MrsMangelFanciedPaulRobinson Tue 14-May-13 15:55:43

I would have said "I didn't realise you had a balance bike, friend A. Can I borrow it for my child once Friend B has borrowed it?' and put her on the spot. Said with a smile, it would have been a good way of pulling her up on her behaviour in an innocent way!

I too am not very keen on 'Silly me, you know what I am like' type friends. DD2's mum is like that; often says and does rude things and then puts it down to just being silly, ditsy old her. I have as little to do with her as possible these days as she annoys me.

Decoy Tue 14-May-13 15:58:26

Each to their own... I'm a bit scatty sometimes and the super-organised folks scare me grin

I think you're being a little over sensitive and I'd have just said "ooh i didn't realise you had a balance bike, any chance DD can have a try of it".

And re the weekend away, maybe she just had a change of heart. I love a good drunken night out and I'm no pearl clutcher but friends whipping their nipples out to show a group of lads on a stag do just ain't my thing at all.

sounds to me like she isn't interested in being friends. sorry.

i agree that you should meet friend b without friend a from now on. don't make any more effort and see if she starts to make more. if not, you have your answer.

CrapBag Sat 18-May-13 11:01:15

Thanks for your replies. I didn't think this thread was going to come up again actually. smile

I'm going to leave it with her and cut my losses tbh. She has lived near me for a few years and I have been to see her and that but she has never got in touch about meeting for a coffee of anything, it has all been at mutual friends that we have seen each other. She is ditzy but not enough to know that when she made the suggestion of borrowing a balance bike, she forgot that she had one or anything. It was the pause she made when we were having the conversation, then her offering it to our friend 10 minutes later, after sitting with her back to me that made me think hmm.

No, I cba with this crap. I just don't count her as a friend anymore, and now I'm not sure why I did in the first place really. It was a bit one sided.

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