to think it is not acceptable to send people stroppy texts?

(94 Posts)
wreckitralph Sun 21-Apr-13 03:05:25

The other day one of my friends sent me a text message. It was about 8.30pm at which time I am pretty exhausted and busy. It's just after my kids are in bed (post homework, dinner, bath and bed) and I am making dinner for DH and I. Then I want to chill on the sofa with him. If I hear my phone beeping away, I ignore it and by heat time its recharging and away from me. If there is an emergency my family will call me landline. Anyway, the next morning I got a message at 0800 saying "Is there some reason why you don't respond to my messages?????"

Anyway, I felt enough is enough (it's not the only stroppy message I've had from her) and I text back that I am usually busy at night and don't have the phone glued to my ear. I then got another one back about my not being the only person to be busy.

So AIBU to get stroppy about this? I hate messaging people and I hate that we can never not be unavailable these days.

I would answer the friend's question - is there any reason...?

Yes, here's the reason that I don't respond to texts straight away.

My best friend sends "night night" texts to many of her friends. This used to happen after I'd gone to bed, and was usually as I was falling asleep. I just explained that while it was a sweet idea, it was becoming annoying due to my early bed times, and she's since stopped.

Spero Sun 21-Apr-13 11:34:23

I think people are in roughly two camps. Those who see a mobile phone as instrument of their convenience, which is often on silent, left in bag etc, used where needed.

The other camp can't ever put it down, they constantly text, ring, irritate etc.

I wish they could get their validation elsewhere.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs Sun 21-Apr-13 11:38:23

I've lost friends like this. I will not be a slave to an inanimate object. My DC'scome before a bloody text message.

If I am playing a board game with my DC's, I will put my phone on silent and leave it downstairs, so that my time with them is not disturbed.

My phone goes on silent as soon as I start to relax in the evening, because my toxic mother has a habit of trying to phone me at all sorts of strange hours, and I would like to know that I have at least two hours before I go to bed where I am not going to be disturbed.

I don't always reply to texts straight away even if my phone is on - if I am cleaning the bathroom, my phone isn't going to be in there with me, so I will respond when I am finished.

One of my friends HATED this, and used to go mad at me asking why I even had a phone if I wasn't going to answer it.

Thing is, I would always answer texts that were sent after 10pm first thing the next morning, with an apology for not getting back sooner. Yet she hated it. We ended up drifting apart. Because she was connected to her mobile 24/7, she expected everybody else to be, and couldn't stand it when I wasn't.

MintyyAeroEgg Sun 21-Apr-13 11:39:14

I am actually laughing out loud at MTSgroupie!

kungfupannda Sun 21-Apr-13 11:46:56

I have a friend who always texts quite late at night - usually around 11pm - just to "catch up". We have very patchy signal upstairs so texts occasionally come through a couple of hours later if I'm in bed with my phone in the same room.

This means I quite often pick the phone up, see that it's not important and go back to sleep without replying. Half the time, I've then forgotten all about it by the following morning, mainly because it's not about anything that actually requires action. The next time I see her she always moans about me not replying to her texts. I have told her that if she texts me at 11pm, chances are she's not going to get a reply, but she still does it and still gets the arse about me not replying.

everlong Sun 21-Apr-13 11:48:27

I'm a text back as soon as receive one type. Because if I don't I forget.
But OP your friends sounds uptight and annoying.

MintyyAeroEgg Sun 21-Apr-13 11:52:43

I have a friend who likes to send a lot of texts but she accepts that I am not the same as her.

I am like the others who have said the good thing about texting is that it isn't as "in your face" as a ringing phone and if you really need an immediate answer for something then call the person.

Iamsparklyknickers Sun 21-Apr-13 11:58:18

YANBU.

I'm firmly in team I'll-answer-when-i'm-bloody-ready. Phone calls or texts.

I don't like the expectation that my time is dictatable by someone else. It doesn't matter if I'm rescuing a kitten from a tree or staring at my belly button, it's my time to do with what I wish, no-one gets to tell me that what I'm doing isn't important and I should be eagerly jumping on any chance to communicate with them. Fecking rude is what that is!

Maybe I'm a terrible person to be friends with, but frankly I don't feel the need to talk to everybody I know all day every day. Let's meet up, have a catch up or ask a specific favour and chances are I'll go out of my way to make sure it happens. Get a strop on about not wanting to engage in boring 'you ok?' > 'yeah - what you doing?' texts is ridiculous and incredibly dull. Pick up a book fgs.

My unscientific observations have also noted that the people who get throw their toys out the pram over ignored texts are the ones who think it's fine to carry on a text conversation with multiple people when you're actually sitting in the same room as them.

Balls to it - seriously can't be bothered with divas <grumpypants>

MTSgroupie Sun 21-Apr-13 12:00:23

Whatever floats your boat mintyy

Branleuse Sun 21-Apr-13 12:01:55

reply, yes, there are several reasons why i dont always reply to texts straight away.
If you have an emergency, then please call landline, otherwise, texts will be replied to as and when I have time

Branleuse Sun 21-Apr-13 12:02:19

mind you, i rarely answer the landline either.

Numberlock Sun 21-Apr-13 12:08:13

I can see both sides of this. You say the text was about organising a night out. In our group of friends, I'm the one who does the organising, mostly done by text. Most of the group get back to me quickly but there's one that takes ages to get back. Makes things more difficult when I'm coordinating flights, hotels, trains or whatever. I'm happy to organise but I think it's only courtesy to reply quickly, even if it's just to say I'll have to check and come back to you.

Mumsyblouse Sun 21-Apr-13 12:23:55

I can't believe this, I usually reply anything up to a few days later, especially for an invitation, I don't always know the answer straight away and don't want to be forced into replying to someone else's time-scale. If it's something that needs an answer that day I try to reply that day, but I am not a massive texter and I don't remember to look at my phone for that reason.

Bunbaker Sun 21-Apr-13 12:34:25

"I leave my phone downstairs at night, so I don't get texts til the next morning"

The emergency services don't recommend you do that. What if you have a fire or an intruder and your landline doesn't work?

In our house we use the landline as our main method of telecommunication. I only ring out on my mobile if I am out and about or ringing another mobile number. Most of our relatives are elderly and use the telephone so if our landline rings we always answer it as it could be important. Because we have a landline and own an alarm clocks all mobiles get switched off in our house at night.

whois Sun 21-Apr-13 12:35:44

Friend is totally U. If a friend sent me a stroppy message like that they wouldn't be a friend for much longer!

MTSgroupie Sun 21-Apr-13 12:41:04

Am I the only one that sees the irony? I mean we have a bunch of prolific posters spending a nice sunny Sunday morning on their PC/phone bitching about people who think that they have nothing better to do than be on their phones.

Iamsparklyknickers Sun 21-Apr-13 12:41:08

Numberlock see that's slightly different, I probably wouldn't reply instantly, but if I knew someone was organising something then I'd reply as soon as I could.

A vague generic 'lets meet up soon because I'm bored' as opposed to 'is the 14th ok to book tickets for?' require different priorities imo.

Iamsparklyknickers Sun 21-Apr-13 12:45:21

I have to admit MTS that I've encouraged people to check out MN because if they want to fill their time chatting and no-one is available at that exact moment it's a good alternative.

Even on forums instantaneous replys aren't part of the etiquette. I've seen posters (not just here) put in their place for moaning about not getting replies five minutes after they post.

Spero Sun 21-Apr-13 13:08:19

Mtsgroupie - you miss the point.

It is not that I don't have time to answer text. It is that I choose to do what I want with my free time.

I am in bed feeling shitty. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. But I am bored and fancy noodling on the Internet. Not massaging the pathetic insecurities of someone who wants an instant reply to a mundane text.

LisaMed Sun 21-Apr-13 13:19:59

blush not exactly sure where my mobile is and I still haven't worked out how to open texts on it. <long dull story emoticon>

I respond to emails, as and when. txts are not likely to get much of a response.

btw - it is not a legal requirement to answer the phone. Let it ring if you are doing something else. As for txts...

LisaMed Sun 21-Apr-13 13:22:33

MTSgroupie - no offence, but we probably wouldn't be best buds in real life. I can't help thinking that txts are for messages that don't need an immediate reply. I think I am a bit old for this technology.

MTSgroupie Sun 21-Apr-13 13:32:05

Lisa - You are probably right. If you can't be arsed are too busy to spend 30 seconds reading my text and replying 'ok. talk later' then I wouldn't want to be friend either.

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 21-Apr-13 13:34:41

I doubt is be your friend too. I would consider it much ruder to whoever I was with at the time be it a friend , the children or dh to stop to reply to your text.

To be honest if I knew someone like you there is no way you would even have my mobile number.

Panzee Sun 21-Apr-13 13:38:12

MTS if it's urgent, ring.

Jinsei Sun 21-Apr-13 13:47:48

MTS, are you the kind of person who texts people when you're in the company of other friends and family? Like the woman I saw in a cafe yesterday who was dividing her attention between her friend and her phone?

Personally, I like to give my full attention to whatever I'm doing at any given time. So if I got a text while I was meeting a friend or playing with my kids, it would have to wait. I guess we wouldn't be friends.

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