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Help!!! I need a quick punishment / strategy ASAP!

(14 Posts)
sashh Fri 19-Apr-13 03:40:17

Apparently, I don't remember my brother (2 years older) always helped with my bath, his job was washing my hair and apparently he always managed to spill water down my face and say 'oops' not very convincingly.

It's less harm than kicking with shoes. Although I'm not sure if it did any harm.

Reward chart with the same tasks for both, who ever has the most stars gets a treat, which will always be dd1 because there will be something the baby can't do yet, like use the toilet.

I'm not sure I'm helping.

Just that at 3 you have a lot of emotions without the ability to articulate them or understand them.

Maybe actually sitting down and talking about the big word 'jealousy', and that it is normal, that it can make you feel angry and that's OK but when you feel like that it is not OK to hurt the thing or person you are jealous of.

BuntyPenfold Thu 18-Apr-13 22:38:25

I agree she is probably feeling jealous of baby sister, so long term strategy:

lots of praise even for very small bits of positive behaviour

as much individual attention as you can reasonably manage

a few treats that are only for big girls

short term:

a stern talking too. Maybe try what a very effective Reception teacher I know uses, which is to stress not so much how the other child feels (because they may dislike the other child, for example), but how disappointed she, the teacher is.

and no outdoor shoes indoors.

ouryve Thu 18-Apr-13 21:53:12

If she's done this out of resentment, then the best approach is probably lots of positive attention for lovely behaviour. If you're busy with the baby, then give her a frame of reference for when she can expect your full attention then make sure you give it to her.

It took a lot of this and a lot of bribery novelty to get through DS2's babyhood with DS1.

Inseywinseyupthespout Thu 18-Apr-13 21:46:58

Hi thanks for the replies - I've just managed to get the baby to bed ; she's fine but has a cold to start with so is very clingy at the minute sad

I explained to DD1 that she made her sister sad and hurt her and she said sorry straight away . I know she will just hit her again tomorrow though hmm

DD1 does get alone time at bedtime - DH and I take it in turns each night to read her stories etc .

I don't know .. Tomorrows another day ! Thanks ladies flowers

Goldmandra Thu 18-Apr-13 20:31:10

I don't think that there will be an effective sanction which will feel sufficient considering your emotions right now.

At the age of three the best you can do is remove her as you did, a stern word, no story and a reminder of how you would like her to behave in the future. That's pretty much all you can do to ram this sort of message home.

If you see this about to happen again use the words "Feet down" to stop her and tell her what you would like her to do. Teach her to use "Kind hands" rather than telling her not to hit so you're focussing on what you do want rather than what you don't.

Label her emotions for her when you recognise them and model for her how she can express them in a more acceptable manner.

Time out is about allowing children to calm down and take stock. It simply isn't appropriate as a punishment which is why it isn't working.

I would work hard to try to reduce sibling jealousy perhaps by using separate bedtime routines so she gets time on her own with you after her sister is in bed.

Then get wine and chocolate for after they are in bed smile

larks35 Thu 18-Apr-13 20:11:21

Bed with no story? (That is usually by threat, I've only actioned it a couple of times). Take the treasured toy (not comforting one) for a day? 10mins seems a bit easy-going to me but I've never used that strategy myself so not sure. It does sound like time-out didn't work this time, did you talk to her about why she had been put there and get a promise of better behaviour?

Hissy Brazil Thu 18-Apr-13 20:00:41

The other thing you could try, if it IS rivalry, is to put the 11mo to bed, and THEN the 3yo, so she only gets a story if she is helpful, kind and nice to the little one.

worth a shot?

Jinty64 Thu 18-Apr-13 19:58:29

Does she have a story? I would get her, tell her exactly what she has done and that she will get ready for and go to bed with no story. I would do it with as little interaction as possible.

Tomorrow I would remind her of what she did and the consequences and let her know that she is your clever girl and you need her to help you and what will happen if she does it again. And then move on.

Hissy Brazil Thu 18-Apr-13 19:58:13

Oh my god, is DD2 OK? Poor thing?

I don't have any tips, 3yos don't even know that stuff like that hurts, cos if it doesn't hurt them, no issue.

Sounds like the Time Out reason and the kicking is one and the same thing, so time out again. No talking, no fuss, nothing.

BTW, where are you, in the UK? not preaching or judging by any means, but if so, it may be down to the fact that for a 3yo, it's pretty late in the day?

My DS, an ANGEL during the day, would FLIP into a demon come 6pm, and being overtired would render him unrecognisable.

I'd put bedtimes back to 6pm, be rigorous about it and no tolerance of ANY hitting. Consistent time out every time there is nastiness, it might break the pattern eventually.

Hope you find a solution. (((HUG)))

TokenGirl1 Thu 18-Apr-13 19:55:53

Is she feeling jealous of little one?

TokenGirl1 Thu 18-Apr-13 19:54:11

Made you feel, not Madrid!

TokenGirl1 Thu 18-Apr-13 19:53:28

I've done removal of treasured toy for 10 mins in full view so she can see it high upon sshelf but can't have it. Also a stern talking to about how her actions Madrid you feel cross and sad. Also apology to little one. We don't take comfort object, especially at bedtime but a toy the child is really into at that time with threats that it will happen again if behaviour is repeated. Good luck with whatever you do.

MisForMumNotMaid Thu 18-Apr-13 19:52:16

Do you think she's scared herself seing you're really not happy with her?

Sometimes quiet treatment is the best punishment. The 'I'm not happy with you' speach when it hits home like possibly this has, can be more effective than shouting or punishment.

My dad used to say i love you and always will but right now I don't like you for what you just did. I used to feel so ashamed. I was a bit older with that phrase though.

Inseywinseyupthespout Thu 18-Apr-13 19:46:03

So its the middle of the bed time routine & DD1 has already been in time out for hitting her 11month old sister .

DD1 comes out of time out and kicks DD2 full on IN THE FACE with her outdoor shoes on shock [anger]

I'm furious !!! DD2 started screaming. I picked up DD1 and put her in her room - she's crying but she knows I'm mad so has stayed there .

I need to go and get her but need a suitable strategy / punishment ?? What shall I do ?? Time out clearly isn't working .

She's 3 .

Thanks !

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