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To scream at the next person who says they'd sort her sleep ??

(59 Posts)
Softlysoftly Mon 01-Apr-13 22:43:20

Dd2 is 10 months she's a fucking awful sleeper. Did pick up put down in Jan and achieved only 3 wakings a night. 4 wks on and she gets a cold back to square 1 of needing feeding/resettling every 45m to 2 hrs max all night. Even if Co sleeping which I am trying to stop as I'm getting too tired for it to be safe and though I love it I did it scary.

Only about v3 occasions have a I had help, in all this time I've had 1 night where I've had more than 4 hrs of unbroken sleep and that was sat upright on a chair with her on my lap. I feel like a fuckibg awful useless mother as the dds are wonderful in the day yet come bedtime we end up in a mess. Last night I had 2 hrs sleep in total, tonight I have been horrible to dd1 and let dd2 scream and bang her head on the cot as I bury my head in a pillow for 5 minutes just to get a grip to carry on.

And yet knowing this wtaf do several people in mylife think saying smugly "leave her with me 1 night I'll sort her out, shell sleep for me" including mil, bil....

noblegiraffe Mon 01-Apr-13 23:12:53

Oh! My DS was constipated too, his poor tummy kept him awake at night if he hadn't pooed for a couple of days. Glycerin suppositories were the key for us there. He had lactulose twice a day for over a year but it didn't make much difference as it was psychological rather than too hard to get out.
Talking of lactulose, I had to have some after giving birth, and I was kept awake that night with stomach cramps and horrible wind. I didn't touch it again after that, it was awful. So the lactulose could be affecting sleep too (we stopped giving it to DS in the evenings when we figured that out).

glub Mon 01-Apr-13 23:20:45

i heard going once a week is normal with exclusively breast-fed babies, but personally the most i've ever managed to ebf is one week and there was poo throughout...

if you have someone who is willing and able to help you out, but you are worried about their methods, you could try staying in the house yourself for the first time, so you will always be there if you can hear anything you don't agree with going on. you might not sleep but at least you'll be more confident to leave your child the next time, and hopefully not have to get out of bed/be awake for so long.

irritating being told what to do obviously, they probably had children more compatible with their methods and so had an easier time. but there are many methods to try e.g. controlled crying that your relatives probably have in mind. if there is one you think might suit you it's worth giving a go right?

IWishIWasSheRa Mon 01-Apr-13 23:23:06

Right- sorry to sound know it all but I'll chuck my 2 pence in!
Poo problems are almost definitely an intolerance, there is a clinic in Kent called celestine and their number is 01634 247500 they are amazing- lots of people will disagree with me but they saved mine and many friends sanity!! The baby holds a metal stick linked to computer and it tells you what they are intolerant to- either cows milk protein or lactose- if it's lactose then the Lactulose you are giving is exacerbating the problem. If it is too far for you call them and they may recommend somewhere local to you.
I'm not shitting you it's fab! (My husband also went and diagnosing his intolerances has changed him!)
You are doing a great job and it will get easier

Softlysoftly Mon 01-Apr-13 23:48:21

Thankyou all feeling a little calmer now noble the niece story made me laugh, it's exactly like that dd1 was such a fab sleeper I was all smug, its like dd2 came along just to slap me out of it!

Iwish I'm going to look into the intolerance been mentioned c to me when she was smaller but I got poopooed by everyone so never pursued it.

Lemon thankyiu that exact approach worked with dd1 when she had blips, dd2 though is a different kettle of fish altogether. When I left her tonight more togegra grip on my temper than to run and x train her she slammed her head into cot bars 3 times, I feel worried now she is sleeping because she bumped her head. Problem is she's back at the stage where she can't fall asleep being cuddled/fed either so I'm stuck.

Glub think I'm going to have to ask mil for an extra day this week and have a day sleep there. Just have to be so careful as every time I impart "new" advice I can hear her thinking "maybe that's what I didwwrong" and it breaks my heart. She's lovely so I hate that she irritates me over this iyswim.

Hecsy I'm totally saying that to bil next time!

YANBU. I would tell them to fuck off.

Dd1 was up 3 times a night until 16 months, then she suddenly started sleeping through. Hang on in there, it will happen.

I now have dd2, she sleeps! I did nothing especially differently, some babies just sleep better than others.

glub Tue 02-Apr-13 00:04:49

softly even lovely people get things wrong, as i see you well know... shit happens most parents do the best they can. 'mil i'd like to give x a go' should be a good place to start. can she begrudge you trying out something you think is a good, well thought out/researched idea surely not i hope?

YANBU- ignore them, people always make silly throw away comments, the reality would be very different. If they want to help, let them take her out in the day so you can catch up with sleep.

I wrote you a long post,but my tablet died before I could press post. It is quite late now so I will summarise the main points. IMO a lot of your dd's sleep issues stem from discomfort due to constipation (both my dd's have always had terrible nights when they were backed up and improve after mega poos, worse than teething).

Food diary plus food elimination (try cutting out dairy, wheat, gluten one at a time for 3 weeks at a time to see if it helps).

Also if you are doing BLW offer watery foods, lots of veg and fruit, stews are good, not too many beans and pulses (wind), cut down on pasta and bread (constipating), no red meat.

Up the lactulose dose, I was taking it 3 times a day in pregnancy.

Get a prescription for glycerin suppositories to help her move the compacted faecal matter (lubricate anus with vaseline). The lactulose would have softened the stool behind it so be prepared for poonamis.

If upping lactulose does nothing in conjunction with glycerin then ask GP about Movicol. Although untested on under 2's they can prescribe for babies (search on Google you will find examples).

I hope this helps, it is awful being sleep deprived.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 02-Apr-13 00:44:34

Yanbu.

And should by law be able to beat anyone who does it with a rancid dead fish.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 02-Apr-13 00:45:25

Disclaimer I'm pretty sure that s not the actual law so if you do decide to go down that route don't blame me.

textfan Tue 02-Apr-13 00:49:36

Been there done it got the t shirt keyring etc etc!!! Mines now 12 yo n still not a good sleeper. Til 3yo I tried EVERYTHING and for reasonable lengths of time too. At 5 yo I finally had a child that slept through the night but...was awake 530am every day n woke me too. At 12yo still an early riser whatever time bedtime was but knows not to wake me!! By 3yo I was catching up on sleep by naps at weekends when dad on duty. New business or whatever it's his child too! Insist on breaks for sleep with dad taking over 2 days a week (doesn't have to be weekends)

ditziness Tue 02-Apr-13 01:04:27

Many sympathies. Could have written your OP

WhatTheWaterGaveMe Tue 02-Apr-13 01:05:10

I feel your pain.

My dd is 13 months. Terrible sleeper since she was born! Never slept more than 3/4 hours in a row - and she's only done 3/4 hours on a few occasions!

I put her to bed about 7:30/8.....I will go to bed at 12ish....she will wake up about 4 times by then.

We co-sleep too. Still breastfeeding - she drinks about twice during the night.
When she wakes up she has to have my nipple to go back to sleep.
She just wakes up constantly.

Sorry to hi jack but I'm desperate for advice too!
I don't know what to do :-(
I am tired but I somehow have managed to adjust.

She has also been really constipated for the past month - doctor has given us movicol to try. She's always been a bad sleeper though so not like that's the reason :-(

She just can't sleep for longer periods of time?
We have the same routine every evening.

When she wakes up it's a whinge cry - but it's quite an upset one.
If I ignored her she would definitely go mad. I've tried to withhold the nipple sometimes to see if she will settle she just starts crying really loudly.

I don't know why she can't just stay asleep for a few hours!!!!

BruisedFanjo Tue 02-Apr-13 01:23:52

My DD was a truly awful sleeper. I hardly had 45 mins in a row of sleep until she was just about 2. She's 2and8months now and wow, she goes at least twice a week through the night and I'm counting only 3/4 wakings as a "bad" night now :D - seems to be common I think, when they start improving they improve quickly.

I haaaated the smug sleep brigade though - they usually talk shit anyway. I was recommended brandy. In a bottle. A full legal measures worth. Mixed with milk, as "well it IS for the baby"... What?!

I also had a doctor tell me "when she cries, you should try cuddling her"... As opposed to what I was doing, which was clearly putting her in the garden so I could hear the TV properly <*hides DD shaped dent in belly from her being held by me for 20 hours a day, every day, her entire life at this point*>

Constipation is tough in littlies as obviously they can't tell you how they feel etc. Intolerances are a good to check out, some posters with great advice here and your gp will help I'm sure - don't let them poopoo you!
Warm baths with gentle tummy rubs always seemed to help my DD - and DSS who has had constipation to the point of impaction before. Bringing baby's knees up to tummy and down again too. All gentle and warm water/warm blanket over tummy.

... Or letting them have "nappy free" running around time on the light beige carpet works, too angry.

jendot Tue 02-Apr-13 08:45:57

I used to work as a baby/ toddler sleep therapist.

MOST babies can be managed into a great sleep pattern. It's about finding problems and solving them. This is very difficult for emotionally involved and sleep deprived parents and pretty easy for an uninvolved, wide awake therapist!

HOWEVER I am totally happy to admit that there are some babies/ toddlers who are simply poor sleepers. In the same way there are some adults who don't sleep well. It is possible to aid sleep patterns but not always rectify. Sometimes you just have to accept that baby will only sleep from 10pm-6am and go with that...rather than enforce a 7pm bedtime for example!

I like the book 'the no cry sleep solution' it's a very gentle sleep conditioning program.

As a sleep therapist. I would say for every 100 babies there were 5 genuine poor sleepers, 4 of these who I could help and 1 of whom I made no difference to whatsoever!

Don't beat yourself up. Do the best you can, try to change the pattern that works best for you and our baby.
Remember that it will pass......

Hi again, just a thought as well that maybe some cranio-sacral osteopathy could help. Was talking to a lady recently whose baby did the most explosive poos after every session (changes of clothes required). I have had it lots since I was a child and always sleep like a log afterwards (as a child I used to fall asleep as soon as I got home).

Softlysoftly Tue 02-Apr-13 09:53:50

Thankyou for all the good advice im going to try elimination, will have to investigate how to do dairy free for her though what about my milk? <<clueless>>

sock Im collecting rancid fish as we speak!

IWatch the method Lemon have upthread may work for you it worked for dd1 who was more whine/cry than genuine meltdown uncontrollable emotionally. Work a shot? Though will be harder if you co sleep.

Bruised/text 2/3/12 seriously? ? <<LEAVES HOME>>

Softlysoftly Tue 02-Apr-13 09:55:55

My sister had that for her dd when she had reflux and swears it works. I haven't been able to afford it on maternity leave but now I'm back in work may take a look. Thanks x

jendot how do you feel about charity work wink

Katz Tue 02-Apr-13 10:28:11

softly - please speak to a doctor before trying elimination diets, it needs to be done correctly and just eliminating food can cause more problems than its solves.

Katz Tue 02-Apr-13 10:29:55

I'd start by keeping a food diary and see if there are any correlations between better nights/more poos and that days food intake. Take this to the doctor as a starting point and see what they suggest.

maddening Tue 02-Apr-13 10:40:19

Yanbu - ds was an unput-downable baby and frequent night wakings - did pupd with some success but still night wakings.

A tummy bug for all of us ended in Co sleeping - ds and I on a king size mattress on ds' bedroom floor worked well for us. And now I can leave him for a bit before I go to bed.

Def investigate reflux/dairy intolerance/other intolerance.

It could also be teething or seperation anxiety.

Emilythornesbff Tue 02-Apr-13 10:49:08

Poor softly.
YANBU
Excuse the rapid reply - got to dash but.....
People who think the sleep can be sorted just by being "strict" Orr using a particular trick are wrong and make me feel stabby!
I have a 2 yo who has on.y recently slept through and still wakes earlier than many of his peers.

I read Elizabeth pantley's "no cry sleep solution" and while the advice didn't work like magic, emerald erg helpful and these single, sensitive approach meant I no longer felt like killing myself after so long without sleep grin.
I found it a huge comfort in a difficult time. The sleep will improve. Do what you need to do. Hopefully your DH will be able to join in a bit more soon and that will help too.

With regard to the constipation. This is unlikely to be an intolerance. There are many quacks out there who will "diagnose" intolerances with questionable methods resulting in unhealthy dietary restrictions.
The constipation needs to be sorted. It is not good practice to repeatedly attempt a dietary approach as the sole solution. If there's not a swift improvement after an increase in fluids and fruit then medication is required and will need to be continued for some time to relieve the problem. This is not uncommon in children. See a different GP if your current one is fobbing you off.

Emilythornesbff Tue 02-Apr-13 10:50:38

If you suspect signs of reflux then there are specific tests for this and your GP should be investigating the for you. Ditto with any real intolerance.

purplewithred Tue 02-Apr-13 10:54:15

I left terrible sleeper 18mo DD with my mum and aunt for a long weekend on the promise they'd fix her sleep. They didn't. And DS gave aunt a black eye (accidentally). Oh how I laughed. Not.

purplewithred Tue 02-Apr-13 10:57:00

PS, eventually I put aside two weeks and did controlled crying. It helped hugely, was no worse than I expected for the first few nights and astonishingly better within 4 or 5 days.

narmada Tue 02-Apr-13 11:02:11

There are no reliable tests for milk intolerance unless your baby has a severe anaphlaxis-type allergy. RAST blood test would prob show negative. Cutting dairy out of your diet if you are BF, plus soy, for a good couple of weeks might give you an indication of whetger that's the issue. If formula feeding, there are formulas where the proteins are broken down- an example is aptamil pepti. You can buy it from boots on special order.

If you are doing dietary restriction linger term then you will both need to see a dietician.

Feel for you, sounds grim, and having been there with DD1 I can sympathise.....

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