unreasonable for the girlfriends/wives to go on the stag do?

(251 Posts)
SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 18:24:36

My partner (call him DH for now) and I am getting married next year, we have been saving for the last 3 years to be able to do this.

Our wedding is booked for August. For the stag do my partner decided that he wanted to go to Amsterdam in July. Asked about 12 people, and 8 have said they wanted to go - there was never any pressure and it was made clear that if people couldn't afford or just didn't want to go it wouldn't be a problem.

This was decided in October and now DH needs to get a deposit from the 8 people. 3 of them have said that their girlfriends/wives would only be ok with it if they could come too.

So would it be possible for DH to add 3 extra places to the trip. The women would do their thing in the day together and then join the men in the evenings.

Is this completely unreasonable?

I would never feel the need to invite myself to someones stag do.

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 19:55:17

Yes. I have been to Amsterdam 4 times.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 28-Mar-13 19:56:05

Maybe there are some MN who wouldn't want there OHs going to Amsterdam as they don't trust them.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 28-Mar-13 19:56:21

*their

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 19:56:31

My DH had his stag do in Amsterdam, good to see people making assumptions on here!!

You married someone who had their stag do in Amsterdam?!?! YUK.

YABU grin

HildaOgden Thu 28-Mar-13 19:56:39

I hate when girlfriends/wives tag along on a lads night (or weekend).

Just as much as I hate it when boyfriends/husbands tag along on a girls night .

It completely changes the tone.I'd tell your dh to remind them it's a stags do,ie males only.And that he understands they can't go,no problem.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Thu 28-Mar-13 19:58:02

Maybe those couples can't afford another holiday this year and so the women want to go too as it will be the only possible holiday?

But if that isn't the case, then they are being ridiculous.

wongadotmom Thu 28-Mar-13 19:58:59

It's shit isn't it? There are so many much better places you could choose to go! WHY would one choose Amsterdam?

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 28-Mar-13 19:59:11

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 19:56:31
My DH had his stag do in Amsterdam, good to see people making assumptions on here!!

You married someone who had their stag do in Amsterdam?!?! YUK

I know. What was I thinking? I mean, we could have had an evening in a pub, together. It sounds so different from any other night out I've been on.

Do you think I have ishoos?

ENormaSnob Thu 28-Mar-13 20:00:01

Imagine the uproar if a posters husband insisted on attending a hen do with her.

There would (rightly) be cries of controlling and abusive and leave the bastard.

Yanbu

HildaOgden Thu 28-Mar-13 20:02:35

As an aside,I got pregnant in Amsterdam.Which has got nothing to do with the subject matter here,just thought I'd mention it.

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 20:03:21

No its not shit at all wongadotmom - If there are so many better places you could chose from why have you been there yourself? Hypocritical much?

And yes I'm sorry Pobble you clearly have ishoos. But if it makes you feel better I obviously have the exact same ishoos as you.

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 20:03:55

Did you call the baby "Amsterdam" Hilda ?

sittinginthesun Thu 28-Mar-13 20:04:30

I think it is down to your DP to make a decision here. If he asks the others, it puts them in an awkward position - they will probably go along with whatever he thinks, to be polite.

I know that my DH and all of his various groups of friends would think it was out of order. A mixed stag night is different. This is OHs inviting themselves along.

Quite wrong, IMO.

Gosh I didn't realise what a massive fan of Van Gogh the Op's husband was hmm

People go to them to watch sex shows. And try and hire prostituted women. And goad each other in to taking drugs.

Gosh, what jolly japes are to be had hmm

An ex of mine went to one, even he (and note, he's an ex) said it was grotesque.

sittinginthesun Thu 28-Mar-13 20:05:34

Summer grin

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 28-Mar-13 20:05:52

I got pregnant in Italy on honeymoon infact, by my wonderful husband. You know the same one who went to Amsterdam on his stag. The same bloke who is a wonderful father.

I guess I can't have everything...

BlueberryHill Thu 28-Mar-13 20:07:01

Would changing the location help? Lots of other places they could go, although if you don't trust your OH, any location isn't going to work but I'm assuming that its the Amsterdam bit.

sittinginthesun Thu 28-Mar-13 20:07:38

My DH has actually been known to opt out of the strip club bit, and go to a museum instead. He finds trip clubs boring - he always reckons the fun is "in the chase"...

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 28-Mar-13 20:08:18

Oh yes, because you couldn't possibly cheat or see strippers etc anywhere else. hmm

YellowandGreenandRedandBlue Thu 28-Mar-13 20:08:48

But maybe the gfs/wives aren't 'insisting', it isn't fair if they are but I wonder if these couples just want to get extra value out of the money they will presumably be spending on hotels. If they don't actually attend the nights out it wn't make any difference will it?

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 20:09:05

But Pobble he is not a wonderful man - for the simple fact he went to Amsterdam.

And according to Laurie ALL men who go there just watch sex shows, try and hire prostituted women and goad each other into taking drugs.

I am calling off the wedding now. I think you should start divorce proceedings. MN has spoken grin

Tailtwister Thu 28-Mar-13 20:09:19

YANBU, it's a stag do. I've heard of this kind of thing before and don't understand why they can't just let the guys go and have a good time. There's no need for them to be there.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Thu 28-Mar-13 20:09:46

My DH (you know, the one I married who had his stag in Amsterdam), told a stripper he didn't want a dance as he gets better at home. Then he left.

But clearly I shouldn't have married him, again...

HildaOgden Thu 28-Mar-13 20:10:06

I didn't call her Amsterdam,no.But I do sometimes call her my little tulip which makes her totally cringe

SummerFin Thu 28-Mar-13 20:10:08

If they don't actually attend the nights out it wn't make any difference will it?

They said the women would do their own thing together in the day and all of them would have the evening together.

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