ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT: This thread hasn't been posted on for a while.
To wish my parents would stop pushing money on me?(76 Posts)
I realise I'm lucky to have 'well-off' parents to fall back on when times are tough, but their current financial interfering is really annoying me.
I've been a lone parent since my child was born. Ex pays monthly via CSA (approx £30) every now and then, as he goes from job to job. I am a self employed cleaner, which is a relatively new business venture for me, so not making millions quite yet.
Ever since my dd was born 5 years ago, my parents have been paying for stuff. E.g. they used to do a big monthly shop for me and have it delivered. They'd go and buy dd a new wardrobe of clothes twice a year. They'd steal my electric key when they'd come and visit, then go and top it up without me knowing until they'd returned with it.
I was very grateful for this help in the early days, as i was a new parent, and really struggling. However, once i found my feet, i felt as if they were babying me and asked them to step back, assuring them i'd ask them for money if i ever needed it.
However, in the past year, it's started up again. Only this time it's proper cash they're giving me. They visit once a week, and just as they're about to leave, they'll whip out £40-£50 and put it on the table for me.
My parents really struggled when my siblings and i were very young. They'd go hungry so we could eat etc. And my mum keeps saying she doesn't want me to be in that situation.
When i first started out in my cleaning business, my mum started hiring me for a ridiculously high amount of hours per week and insisted on paying me double my hourly rate. I told her i felt patronised, and wouldn't be doing it anymore when she refused to take me on as an average customer would.
I've told them time and time again that i don't want or need their money. But my dad says to save it then in case of emergencies (e.g. i need a new cooker/washing machine one day) and my mum says to stop refusing it as it insults my dad.
It's getting to the stage where i'm starting to discourage them from visiting me, as i don't want to deal with the awkwardness of them leaving me money.
And the main reason i'm fretting over this now is because of something that happened last week. I went to visit my parent's house on the Sunday. My dad was a bit drunk and tried pushing money on me again. I told him no, and then he said 'I know you keep refusing, but let's be honest, you'd be raging if i didn't give you any, wouldn't you?'
So, basically, he thinks i expect this money each week!
I knew this would happen. He's gotten into a habit of providing for me, and now feels he can't stop it or it will upset/anger me.
Sorry, this has become a much longer post than i thought it would be.
To summarise, AIBU to want them to stop pushing this money on me all the time? My friends think i'm really lucky and should stop complaining. I feel as though my dad thinks it's somehow his place to step in, financially, for dd's absent father. No matter what i do or say, he won't stop giving me money. On one occassion, he even posted it through the door one night when i was asleep because he knew i wouldn't take it from him.
It makes me really uncomfortable. I've expressed this to my parents yet they won't stop!
Have the chat. But in reality I think you will end up having to physically give it back to them. Gather it up and pop it in an envelope through their door once a week, little note: "oops, you left this at my house by mistake!" or "Treat yourself to a lovely night out, it's on me".
If you are really, really persistant about not allowing them to force you to take the money they will eventually get the message.
A tiny side note: will your circumstances change when Universal credit comes in, or are you all covered on that front?
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.