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AIBU or is my mum, re pocket money for trip?

(110 Posts)
loopyluna Sat 16-Mar-13 10:01:16

DS, 13, is really, really bad with money. He gets £5/ month pocket money, his phone contract and youth club fees (about £6/ month) from us. The pocket money is no-strings attached and ge can "earn" more by doing extra chores (he never does.)
He spends it all on sweets and energy drinks after school. angry

We're going to Florida in April so my DDs (younger than DS) both decided to save all of their xmas and birthday money for this. DS bought an x-box with his and has frittered away what was left.

My mum then gave them each $150 for the holiday -problem solved hmm

Now, DS has a 3 day trip to a theme park with school. I told him I would give him £20 and he would have to try to save or do some jobs for the rest. (Obviously he thinks £20 is far too little for 3 days, although DD was more than happy with the same amount for a week long ski-trip...)

I really want him to start learning the value of money and to be a bit more sensible.

Yesterday he smirked at me and said that Grandma is going to give him his spending money for the trip so he doesn't need to do any chores!

I am not impressed at all. Obviously my mother just thinks I'm being mean and unfair. angry

AIBU re pocket money? (Obviously I don't think I am but will stand corrected if everyone here tells me I am.)
Also how much pocket money is reasonable for a 13 year old on a 3 day school trip?

RivalSibling Sat 16-Mar-13 10:05:59

Its poor form if your mum knows that your son should be earning his own pocket money as this undermines you. At 13 he is perfectly capable of doing a few chores to earn it.

I think you are being miserable. But thats just me.

LIZS Sat 16-Mar-13 10:10:46

Have you spoken to her , maybe there are strings attached or he spun her a line? £20 might be tight depending on what is included and where, do school not suggest an amount ?

FlatsInDagenham Sat 16-Mar-13 10:10:47

Yanbu. Your mum isn't doing you or her grandson any favours.

FelicityWasCold Sat 16-Mar-13 10:13:05

Yanbu, I would intervene and tell him that you are the parent, and he won't get grandmas money if you say no!

Then I'd be having strong words with DM...

clam Sat 16-Mar-13 10:15:29

Well, £5 a month won't go very far these days - and I think it would be hard to save much from it. So, I was with your ds, up until the point where you said he smirked and that his grandmother would bail him out. Hate that!

Mine get a fiver a week and a tenner top up every month for their phones. Plus I buy clothes (within a budget) and usually spring for a tenner if it's someone's birthday party.

They do chores but some weeks they do more than others. They can earn extra if I'm feeling generous/lazy/need a big job done.

You sound very tight tbh.

ByTheWay1 Sat 16-Mar-13 10:15:52

Have you told your mum your reasons? Have you specifically asked for him NOT to be given money... if she is doing it after a talk, then she is deliberately undermining you and you need to nip it in the bud, if not, then you need to explain what you just did to us....

so I think it is your mum who is BU

SkinnybitchWannabe Sat 16-Mar-13 10:17:03

You must talk to her. My parents, specially my mum, are very generous to my 3 ds but they always ask first and would never dream of giving the boys money/gifts without checking that I didn't mind.
Unless you tell her to stop it will never change.

heronsfly Sat 16-Mar-13 10:17:48

My dd3 is 13, dosent get a set amount of pocket money,but gets £1.50 a day emergency money for school,(dinners pre paid] she always spends it, as you said,on drinks and the odd bag of chips, so I think £5 a month is a little low for a senior school pupil.
A 3 day residential trip with her school would probably have a recommended spending amount of about £50.

scarlettsmummy2 Sat 16-Mar-13 10:20:25

You sound a bit mean! Especially only giving your daughter £20 for a weeks ski trip.

catgirl1976 Sat 16-Mar-13 10:20:56

YANBU although £5 per month doesn't sound a lot but if he wants more he can do chores or get a paper round or something

I would be having stern words with your DM and taking the money off him tbh

PearlyWhites Sat 16-Mar-13 10:22:35

£5 a month? Surely you mean a week?

ToomuchWaternotWine Sat 16-Mar-13 10:24:34

I think £5 a month is very low for a 13 year old but that's the only bit I quibble with, the rest yadefNBU.. I think you need to talk to your mum and no, she is not to provide the pocket money for this trip, I think his attitude shows he needs to earn it!

raspberryroop Sat 16-Mar-13 10:25:34

I think the £5 plus chance to earn is really fair - Kids do need to learn the value of money and that is the time taken to earn it . Your Mum is the wrong and I would have strong word and to be honest confiscate the money- my kids - my rules sort of thing.

Floggingmolly Sat 16-Mar-13 10:26:40

When my dd went on the week long PGL trips; the school insisted on no more than £2 per day spending money. I suppose there was nothing to spend it on, except sweets.
£5 per month at 13, though, really? hmm

BellaVita Sat 16-Mar-13 10:26:57

I would say £40/50 for a three day trip.

£5 a month will not go far for a 13yr old whether you pay for a phone top up or not.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 16-Mar-13 10:29:43

You need to stop your mum from doing this.

She may think she is being kind, but she is being a pain! She is stopping your son from learning the lessons that you are trying to teach him. She is also teaching your other children that if you save, you get less reward than someone who fritters their money away on crap!

Your son is learning some VERY bad lessons, things that will make adult life harder for him. You need to stop your mum from undermining you.

He smirked at you! That says it all, doesn't it?

WestieMamma Sat 16-Mar-13 10:29:58

I used to get around £5 per month when I was that age. But that was 25+ years ago.

I had a fiver a month at 13. I also shoplifted a lot.

Other than his pocket money amount though, I think YANBU.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Sat 16-Mar-13 10:31:48

How much free money do any of us get? grin I think a very small amount of free money plus the right to earn more is a good life lesson.

If you want money - you work for it. It doesn't fall out of the sky.

Except in his case - it does.

Which is making what the OP is trying to do meaningless.

FaceLikeAPickledOnion Sat 16-Mar-13 10:32:46

How about upping the monthly pocket money, but deducting money for chores not done?

That was only 9 years ago, but prices have gone up so much even since then! If I got the bus in to town today with a fiver (child return), I'd only have a quid left to spend...

raspberryroop Sat 16-Mar-13 10:35:02

because thats negative reinforment rather than positive

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