AIBU when meeting new people, to judge them by the way they speak

(111 Posts)
PennyBrowne Wed 27-Feb-13 20:51:23

When meeting new people, I tend to listen to the way in which they speak, and then make a judgement- however the judgement shows with a snobbish face which I unfortunately inherited from my mother.

This is the latest scenario:

I have recently been skiing with my DH and DC along with friends who we regularly travel with. My friend this year introduced us to her new partner, whom I instantly disliked! Firstly, upon meeting the chap he called me 'babe' 'sweet haart' (pronounced as spelt) and speaking like a cockney, I felt like I was on an eastenders set! Personally it triggered all kinds of snobbish reactions for example when he asked me 'do ya wanna drink' I sharply replied 'NO THANK YOU'. In addition he repeatedly arranged his .... and sat with his legs so far apart that when I was made to sit next to him I found my self crossing my legs so tightly that my nose and lips looked like old raisons; obvious I was disgusted.

My friend confronted me about the issue- and I told her I thought he was not good enough for her, bearing in mind DF is a solicitor and is very elegant. It did not go down very well at all- and now we're not speaking.

DH told me that it's becoming an issue, since whenever I meet new people who I dislike my Mother Snob comes out! It's so embarrassing but I cannot seem to stop!!

Am I being an unreasonable snob or am I being fair?

Advice??

SusanneLinder Thu 28-Feb-13 11:47:03

The old saying-"don't look down on someone unless you are helping them up" sounds appropriate here.

FTR- I was introduced to a guy who was is the boyfriend of my daughters friend. Without meeting him, we all pre-judged him because he had been in prison, and classed him as a total chav.

Anyway-we met him socially, and he was a really nice pleasant guy, highly intelligent and he was very patient with my ASD DD who badgers people with questions. He had done something stupid in his younger yrs and paid the price for it.

I should be old enough to know not to judge people, and generaly I dont, and certainly not by the wy people speak.

Assuming of course this thread is genuine of course

Oh wow, the thread's still here!

OP let me expand on my therapy suggestion and mention that CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) is really made for breaking bad habits. It's great for when you think maybe you should change a behaviour but it's really deeply engrained.

I know people tend to think therapy is only for really serious stuff, but being American smile I think it's great for whenever there's something you're not happy with and causing you grief.

It might be helpful to separate the two issues: there's nothing necessarily wrong with judging people, especially when they're boorish; but being really obvious about it is usually uncalled for. So it doesn't have to mean abandoning your mother's high standards, but just adopting a mindset that means you keep the judgments to yourself.

Also don't ignore the expat issue. I think one year in is usually when you are negatively judging things the most.

You do realise that "Cockney" is a very particular thing don't you OP. Cockneys are from a very small area in East London, and don't include every single person with a "vulgar" London/Estuary accent. In fact as Eastenders is (in the fictitious postcode of) E20 (I might be wrong, I don't watch it), I'd doubt it's anywhere near "Cockney-land"...

I make this point because DH is from South London and hates being called a Cockney...because he's not, a lot of Londoners get quite funny about it grin (he has nothing against Cockneys - his Granddad was from Bow).

HecateWhoopass Thu 28-Feb-13 08:15:25

We all make judgements (assessments may be a better word) about people when we meet them. We take in everything about what we see and hear and use that to get a feel for the person in front of us. What we don't all do is look down our noses at people because of, for example, how they speak.

So while someone may notice an accent and use that to speculate where the person may be from, for example - they don't sneer at them, declare them Unworthy or have a look on their face as though the person in front of them had just jumped onto the table and taken a huge dump into their pint.

I think only unpleasant people look down their noses at others or think they are better than others. Only truly vile and breathtakingly arrogant people do that openly! I would judge a sneerer far more harshly than I ever would someone who has, for example, a cockney accent.

ErikNorseman Thu 28-Feb-13 07:46:19

Are you Katie Hopkins?

dothraki Wed 27-Feb-13 23:55:05

I don't know where you all live - but round here half term was last week grin

piprabbit Wed 27-Feb-13 23:37:48

<hands Olivia a gavel>

doorbellringer Wed 27-Feb-13 23:32:50

LaurieFairyCake
I read your post with great interest the last sentence got me and I snorted my posh wine over my phone. Brilliant.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Wed 27-Feb-13 23:27:23

Olivia grin

OliviaKnowsBestMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 27-Feb-13 22:59:16

Right then,

<rolls up sleeves>
HERE is a link to our talk guidelines - in other words, peace and love.

And HERE is a link to the first helpful feature* I found when googling something I remember reading aeons ago about folk making judgements about others VERY quickly. (i.e. you decide if their gender/ethnicity/how educated they are)
This feature says judgements are made in a TENTH of a second
Truth is, OP, that if your raisin-face is affecting your DH, you need to rein it in.
or in other words, peace and love

HTH
smile

*Usual HQ disclaimers apply.

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 27-Feb-13 22:47:27

Faire, it just made me chuckle but was accidental.

apostropheuse Wed 27-Feb-13 22:35:24

Some of your spelling is awful and you're using words that don't exist - but you don't like how some people speak.

You're obviously not the brightest spark in the box.

thebody Wed 27-Feb-13 22:33:22

What a boring self absorbed twattish post.

Old money is never snobbish by the way dear, too many dukes weee in related by birth to whores (Charles 1st and Nell Gwynne) their two sons were made dukes.

It's usually new money that's as daft as you.

I suspect you are tongue in cheek though.

redlac Wed 27-Feb-13 22:32:48

Couldn't help myself salmotrutta

IneedAsockamnesty Wed 27-Feb-13 22:32:47

It is a negative thing if it causes your family upset
It is a negative thing if it causes your friends hurt

And it is a really huge negative thing if you are unable to tell the difference between tacky vulgar behaviour and having high standards

PennyBrowne Wed 27-Feb-13 22:30:57

Sorry guys I'm just thinking aloud..

Salmotrutta Wed 27-Feb-13 22:29:06

Steady now redlac.

whethergirl Wed 27-Feb-13 22:27:50

I know I'm snobby and I'm going to change, but sometimes I don't think it's a negative thing

Either you realise you're an idiot and you want to change, or you don't.

redlac Wed 27-Feb-13 22:27:37

Dinnae go oan yon 'I wish I was Scottish' thread then hen cuz yea'll no understaun a cunting word eh it hen

Bet Scottish folk all sound common as muck to you

Salmotrutta Wed 27-Feb-13 22:27:35

Well, you brought it up.

PennyBrowne Wed 27-Feb-13 22:27:04

Where I come from is besides the point..

PennyBrowne Wed 27-Feb-13 22:25:54

Aldiwhore that's the most productive opinion/advice I've been given! Thanks

Fairenuff Wed 27-Feb-13 22:25:35

is it the lack of dignity you show or the lack of manors?

Hilarious typo Sock

It just keeps getting better grin

Such fun!

Salmotrutta Wed 27-Feb-13 22:25:32

Monaco now?

I feel very low rent...

PennyBrowne Wed 27-Feb-13 22:22:19

My keyboards French since I'm monagasque- my mother wasn't a social climber!!! I was brought up in Monte Carlo and where I come from we don't social climb! I think I subconsciously try to act as my mother does. My mother isn't really snobby she just has high standards; I lost my dad 1 year ago and living in a different country has accumalated into this problem! I know I'm snobby and I'm going to change, but sometimes I don't think it's a negative thing.

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