To really resent how sucked in my dh gets when playing computer games.

(122 Posts)
mameulah Fri 22-Feb-13 22:39:28

Anyone else in the same situation? Has anyone found a way of making their dh realise how totally infuriating annoying it is?

TiffIsKool Sun 24-Feb-13 10:42:43

Ditto Red. You wouldn't catch a mum with a young family spending hours on MN.

seeker Sun 24-Feb-13 10:45:15

Ali,read the thread and see who started the confrontation! On this occasion, not me!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 24-Feb-13 10:46:35

Redwing - I don't disagree with you. In this instance, the OP's DH is playing too much and spending no time with his family. That is unacceptable and they need to discuss a re-division of time.

But what he then does with his leisure time is up to him, and he is no less available while gaming than he would be if he was at the pub, at a car rally, a hockey tournament, on a cycle ride or climbing up a mountain.

Samu2 Sun 24-Feb-13 10:49:36

This was one of the problems I had with my ex husband.

I knew he had a real problem when our DS was born and I asked him to come to bed the first night he was born with us and he ended up playing on the PS until 4.am ignoring the newborn cries and his wife who had just given birth.

Thankfully my husband doesn't play computer games much, he likes the odd game of scrabble on the iPad but that is it. I spend a lot of time on the internet but I always come off if someone needs me or wants me, with my ex he got so wrapped up in the game it could take hours for him to get off. Same for my friends husband.

Trytrytyagain Sun 24-Feb-13 10:55:55

I've never understood why people are so bothered about what other people do.

One of the last things I'd decide to do is make cupcakes.
I'd rather play games than bake, baking to me is a tedious, dull waste of time.

But it doesn't bother me if someone else bakes and I don't give a stuff what people think of my hobbies.

MewlingQuim Sun 24-Feb-13 11:03:00

Um, in response to the op (if she's still reading)

Could your DH not forgo playing until after your dc's bedtime? My DH has done this since a few weeks after DD was born, it means he gets peace to play he spends the time between coming home and dd's bedtime with us which is lovely.

DH used to get very sucked in to wow, he had to start setting a timer which worked very well. He has given up his subscription now though and only plays games that don't require going online or groups of players.

dh thinks my MNing is as stupid as I find his gaming BTW

TiffIsKool Sun 24-Feb-13 11:14:26

seeker - I qualified my post and said that I was sorry if my post sounded confrontational. So please don't use me as an excuse for your confrontational response.

Do you not see the irony? You are spending Sunday morning on MN, getting worked up over how your time on MN is not the same as people who take gaming too seriously?

On that note, now that everyone is up, washed and fed, we are off for a MN free Sunday morning/afternoon.

YouTheCat Sun 24-Feb-13 11:15:40

Gaming makes you more available, in my view, than going to the pub or following hobbies outdoors. At least you are in the house and can stop what you're doing.

It's not about the gaming though, but the not spending a reasonable amount of time with the family. If it wasn't gaming it would be something else.

Fairenuff Sun 24-Feb-13 11:30:03

I don't give a stuff what people think of my hobbies

Apart from your family though, right try? Presumably you do care what they think. And you make sure that your hobby doesn't impact negatively on your personal realtionships?

That's the thing isn't it. Nothing wrong with gaming, mning, baking, sewing or any other kind of harmless hobby. It's only when the intensity of it affects others that we care about.

Or that it takes up too much time and becomes a commitment that we can no longer commit to. After all, we committed to our partners and they do deserve to spend reasonable time with us fully present and partaking in family life.

It's about reassessing priorities and making some change that is more suitable to the circumstances. It's having consideration for others whilst maintaining your personal free time. Most couples manage this fine, some don't.

TiffIsKool Sun 24-Feb-13 11:31:48

Samu2 - one more post and I'll really sign off smile

You arent comparing like with like. Sure, there are people who are obsessive gamers. When you compare them to someone like yourself of course gamers are going to come across negatively.

But not all gamers are like this. In the same way, not all MNetters will spend a couple of days dissecting a 30 second encounter on a bus with a rude man.

During my short time here on MN I've noticed that there is no shortage of posters condemning others for doing what they do themselves, whether it's sending DCs to grammar schools while criticizing others for making the same choice or spending hours posting to breast feeding, baby names, AIBU, Chat, Relationships (while baking smile ) and then criticising others for being obsessed with online games

Anyway, I really really need to go now.

TheSeniorWrangler Sun 24-Feb-13 11:32:01

imho, my 'gaming' has been part of my life longer than DH has.

I was a gamer when i met him, i had been for 5yrs, my games were how i spent my spare time.
I was a gamer when we started dating
I was a gamer when we moved in together.. he watched the telly, i played games on my laptop.
I was a gamer when he proposed, when we wed, when we had our first child and when we had our second.

I am a PC gamer. He accepts that... its what i DO, its part of my life. My kids aren't neglected, infact seeing how my games are kid friendly, they're often sitting in my lap having cuddles and chatting to me while i'm playing, my house is clean, my jobs are done.

you dont marry someone with the intent to change them, if you dont like their gaming habits, dont marry and have kids with them.

Gaming is no different from any hobby.. i dont converse with DH when im reading one of my thousands of books either, nor when i'm doing my cross-stitch...infact both of those are more solitary activities than my game playing because i dont want to be disturbed!

"Gaming is no different from any hobby.. i dont converse with DH when im reading one of my thousands of books either"

Fair point. I'm much more isolated when reading and much less able to multitask. Can't imagine anyone saying that reading was a "bad thing" in the same way gaming gets talked about somehow.

RedwingOnFire Sun 24-Feb-13 12:09:56

What Fairenuff said.

Everyone games to some extent in this house on different things, and does other hobbies, it's just about balance.

TheSeniorWrangler Sun 24-Feb-13 13:07:37

Exactly murder.

It seems people have an issue with the fact its a computer screen or a games console.. its juvenile and childish.. yet people spend hours staring at the telly or with their nose in a book and no-one bats an eyelid.

BertieBotts Sun 24-Feb-13 13:20:04

Exactly. And I'm glad that MN has become more sensible about games in the last few years.

Some people (usually men for some reason) are complete dicks about gaming, give in to the addiction, let it take over their lives. That's not okay.

Some people game as a hobby and way of spending time and even with the kind of game which you can't just pause, build in time for it rather than just playing it without any regard for others.

Games aren't some evil time-consuming thing, and they may seem juvenile to some, but football (for example) seems juvenile to me. A load of grown adults rolling around in mud in the freezing cold and then watching it on TV and screaming the house down. Ugh.

Fairenuff Sun 24-Feb-13 13:37:40

But it's not really about gaming is it? The OP could just as easily read AIBU To really resent how sucked in my dh gets when playing with his model train set

It's about the total absorption of the activity for extended hours or at a time that is not convenient to the family. No-one has said that gaming is wrong or bad, just that, for some people (as in OP's dh) it takes over and has a negative impact on relationships.

That is the problem. Not the hobby itself. It could be anything. It could even be reading but done to excess to the detriment of the family. Another example that often comes up on mn is workaholics. It's the same problem, just a different activity.

BertieBotts Sun 24-Feb-13 13:46:06

That's what I said earlier in the thread smile

VivaLeBeaver Sun 24-Feb-13 13:51:45

Its the other way on in this house. I game, play WOW and also come on MN a lot. DH moans about both. But seeing as before I found MN and WOW he pretty much ignored me in the evenings I don't think he has room to talk.

He goes off with his mates most weekends doing a hobby, does jigsaws on the computer or works in his office most evenings.

But for some reason he thinks he can moan at me for computer time.

McNewPants2013 Sun 24-Feb-13 14:00:34

I can cook and play eve depending what I am doing, when the kids are awake then I mainly mine once the kids are in bed I will bring out my pvp characters and ships.

The pos needs fuel so me and my corp are ice mining today. Me and DH both play the game so that's how we spend time together.

It's all about getting the balance right.

SaskiaRembrandtVampireHunter Sun 24-Feb-13 14:43:04

I've always been a bit puzzled by the idea that gaming is antisocial, but reading isn't. I enjoy playing games, but can still communicate with other people. But, hand me a good book and it's unlikely you'll hear a word from me for hours; the house could catch fire and I probably wouldn't notice grin

Going back to the OP - I think the problem is not what the DH is doing, but the amount of time he's doing it for. I can understand the need to relax after working hard all day, but he needs to find a way to do that without shutting his wife and baby out.

YouTheCat Sun 24-Feb-13 14:45:27

Before I started gaming (about 5 years ago online), my ex would complain if I read a book because it was 'anti-social' hmm

Yfronts Sun 24-Feb-13 14:57:07

We had twins to stay with us last weekend and they just played and played computer games. Very anti social. We never do this and I was really amazed at how unresponsive they are when you ask questions and also how sullen they become if they have to be apart from their game.

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