Mumsnet Talk

Has she said why she wants you to drink? It might help to force to her to spell out her reasoning. But I guess that slightly depends on whether you are OK to do a bit of therapy with her...!

I agree, it sounds as if she is looking for validation of her own behaviour. It also sounds as if her life overall is not really satisfactory to her and she is putting too much emphasis on her birthday celebration.
I agree about being honest and upfront about it. There is no need to lie about it. You have made a decision about your own health and wellbeing, and anyone who actually cares about you will respect this.
It sounds as if your husband and other inlaws are supportive of you which is a good thing.Hopefully they will back you up if push comes to shove.

Take the car - no negotiation on not drinking if you do that. If that isn't possible just go and don't drink. You don't need to discuss this with anyone it is absolutely your choice.

People who insist on other people drinking need to grow up and get a life. If other people want to drink then great, but if not I shall respect that. I have friends who don't drink (pregnant, religious, choice) and I still have a great time with them.
If your sister in law respected and cared about you she would be supportive of your decision, instead of being selfish and wanting you to drink.
I have a friend who stopped drinking and I am delighted for her and take so much more pleasure in seeing her be the classy lady she is than seeing her make a fool out of herself which she always used to do when drunk.

What if you threatened not to go at all unless she stops demanding that you get pissed?

Does she only want you there as a partner in crime, or does she actually like you??

Have you not reminded her that last time you went out you puked?
I think you just need to be super direct and tell her that she wont be changing your mind. Let her get the tears out of the way beforehand.

whocansay i only ever had alcohol put in my drinks. after i got so at them they never did it again to me. apparently im scary when im angry. guess thats a bonus i was on anti-depresents in those days too... not a good mix.

it amazes me how stupid people are. do they really not get how dangerous and irresponsible something like this is? bloody madness!!

Another one on the wagon here, mainly for health reasons. Sunk enough red wine to sink a battleship over the years. Reading your post has made me determined also. I am enjoying feeling the health benefits and you will regret it if you stop now.

I think you really are going to have to be very firm and upfront about it. Or she'll maybe push and push and when you refuse you'll be cast as the villain who spoiled her birthday.

Agree re being firm, if she goes on say something like "I'm feeling rather bullied by your attitude, why are you so interested in my alcohol intake it's nothing to do with you?"
Next time don't tell her when you're not drinking for a few weeks.
Alternately tell her it's for lent, or that you'll never drink again as you think the Morman religion is very interesting!
I suspect I'd be avoiding someone like your SIL as I hate feeling people are trying to control me and telling me how much I should be drinking/ dancing/ socialising etc.

the durr was for me btw. Penny dropping.

Tonic water then.

Oh durr.
Can you just do tinkle laugh and wink at dh in a 'we're keeping a massive secret' way so she thinks you're pg?

What is the longest your SiL has been without a drink?

Does she feel as if she has lost her drinking partner in crime, and could it be that you are doing something she could not manage, going without an alcoholic drink.

if she mentions it again, just say, "you are making me uncomfortable", if she then continues, you have your answer, she is not considerate of your feelings, so do not put yourself in a position where she can affect you, until she values your feelings.

Welcome to the world of being on the wagon I hate this, I did have an alcohol problem so I totally and utterly 100% can't have one drink, otherwise I'll wreck YEARS of getting and staying sober. Clearly this isn't necessarily something that one would choose to share with all and sundry (unless one was on the internet under a nickname!) but the number of people who push and push and push is incredibly.

At time, having been backed into a corner, I do say, 'I can't drink, I'm an alcoholic' but even that doesn't stop some people! I haven't ever had my drink spiked, thank goodness, but I'd concur with everyone who is saying watch your glass. Oh and tell you SIL that you're a grown adult and don't need to justify your choices to anyone, least of all her

Can you drive? Be the designated driver for the evening. It bugs me like hell when people go on and on at me about having a drink. I don't drink. I don't like the taste of it. And I am still good fun at a party!

I smoke. But I would never say to a non smoker 'Oh go on! Just have one. Honestly...it's really boring if you don't'. I can't get my head round why people think it's ok to insist that you have a drink if they don't want a fag

Your SIL sounds very immature. I have to say when I go out I do like having a drink but would never pressure anyone in to drinking if they don't want to. Perhaps you need to just say something like you don't need to drink to have a good time and it's quite sad that some people can't go out without it

I've met people to bang on and on and on about drinking instead of staying sober. It sounds petty and not nice but please keep an eye on your drink. I've seen people put shots into cokes before thinking they were making the recipient more fun by drinking. Ignoring the fact she was allergic to alcohol, the idiots!

InLoveWithDavidTennant This is why I suggested that the OP guards her drinks. I have seen several occasions where friends who weren't drinking ended up with spiked drinks "because it's a laugh", "they'll have more fun", "they won't notice", "they'll loosen up a bit", and various other bullshit reasons. People spime the drinks of others because they know that their own drunken behaviour looks worse and it reflects badly on them.

I like a drink and may have on occasion behaved like a complete twat because of it, but have friends who don't drink too. It's their decision and nothing to do with me.

You are going to have to be so 'fun' that it's not actually going to be any fun, you do know that don't you?

Don't let her go to the bar for you...

id forgotten about the people that refused to buy soft drinks. i had that too... or you get the ones that pretended to get you the drink you asked for but had actually got you your drink... with something else added to it

why people do this i dont know

I like a few drinks but tbh wouldn't care if someone on a night out didn't want to I find this v strange.