to not drink on my SIL's birthday?

(64 Posts)
ImNotDrunkIJustCantType Tue 19-Feb-13 12:50:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

diddl Tue 19-Feb-13 13:17:19

TBH, I often find that people who drink "to be fun" are an embarrassment.

You just don´t notice when you´re also drunk!

ImNotDrunkIJustCantType Tue 19-Feb-13 13:17:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Your SIL sounds really annoying. I mean, really annoying. Are you sure you want to go out with her?

If I were you I think I would tell her if she does not stop going on about it then you will take it as a hint that she'd rather you were not there.

Whocansay Tue 19-Feb-13 13:18:58

Guard your drinks like they were made of gold.

IloveJudgeJudy Tue 19-Feb-13 13:19:08

I think you need to be very careful that she doesn't slip you a drink on the sly. YANBU to not want to drink. It's your decision. Unless you're going to be a party pooper and go on about the others not drinking to join you, then she's being a complete *.

I hope you manage to sort this. I agree with others who say that she is worried about her own drinking and your giving up is making her consider her own drinking behaviour and she doesn't like it.

It might be easier if you do say that you've been prescribed antibiotics on this particular occasion, but it seems as if she's not going to be happy unless you're going to be in the state you used to be. Perhaps she used to enjoy laughing at you and she thinks that now she's the one that people might laugh at?

axure Tue 19-Feb-13 13:19:25

Good for you ditching the booze, losing weight and feeling better about yourself. SIL is probably a bit miffed about this, she's lost a drinking buddy. Stick to your guns, don't be forced into drinking if you don't want to.

badguider Tue 19-Feb-13 13:20:50

I suspect she thinks you'll be 'no fun' and go home early if you don't drink. If it would help you can assure her that you WILL be fun and you will stay out late...

It's tricky, because sometimes people are sober because they are pregnant or ill and they do get tired early or they have something important the next morning, people in that situation avoid the high jinks and go home early and have less of a night. I think that will be what she's most worried about.

If I were you I'd say to her seriously - 'you think i'm not fun if i'm not drunk? i'm really offended by that'. If she keeps on you can just give her the 'really offended look'. (of course this only works if you ARE going to be fun on her birthday).

LemonBreeland Tue 19-Feb-13 13:26:24

I can't stand people who won't accept that people sometimes don't want to drink.

i don't drink very often and have come across this kind of person a lot. They can drink what they want, I just want them to no badger me into something I don't want to do.

I must admit I find people who need a drink "to be fun" to actually be rather boring. I don't need alcohol to have a good time and never did.

This is despite being able to drink enough alcohol to sink a battleship before getting drunk (and never getting hangovers). It's something in mum's family, most of us are like this.

I tried getting drunk when younger but I found it boring, so I stopped and it's never bothered me.

OP good for you if you feel you need to be sober, it's how you feel that matters. I rather suspect your SIL doesn't want to be the only one getting hammered, and possibly feels that the fact that you are refusing alcohol is a direct criticism of her choice to drink. I also suggest you guard your drinks.

just say no! and stick to it.

i hate the "oh i cant have fun/go out if i dont drink" mentality.

i havent drunk for years and i used to get called up on it all the time... i said no. unfortunately, those "friends" i used to have dont invite me out anymore. it used to bother me, but in the past couple of years ive come to realise that they are the ones with the problem. its not my issue if they cant go out and have fun, be happy or socialise without being stupidly drunk. im quite glad and a little bit smug grin that i can go out and enjoy myself without the aid of anything affecting me and making me "think" im having fun.

ToomuchWaternotWine Tue 19-Feb-13 13:36:19

Sounds like she may have a bit of an issue with alcohol/drinking to excess. Whilst you were joining her in the dancing on tables/vomming in your shoes, it was ok cos you validated stupid teenage behaviour for her. Now you've gone all mature and grown up on her ass, she is freaking out. She doesn't want to face up to herself?

Stick to your guns, guard your drinks, and tell her you don't want to end up looking like Jackie Stallone so are cutting out the booze for as long as necessary.

Peevish Tue 19-Feb-13 13:37:53

I wouldn't give her an inch on this one - you are clearly much happier since you stopped drinking, and this kind of cultural pressure to drink a lot to be 'fun' is part of the reason our streets are littered with people vomiting in their hair and assaulting cops. You shouldn't be altering your own well-thought-through behaviour for someone else without a very good reason. So she can feel good about her own drinking is not a good enough one.

CheeseStrawWars Tue 19-Feb-13 13:42:55

She's taking it as a personal slight as she perceives it that way - you both used to drink til you were comatose, you've re-evaluated your behaviour and changed your ways as you think it's better not to do that any more. So, extrapolating that, you think your behaviour is better than hers - in her head, anyway.

She wants to drag you back down so she can prove a point that a) you can't change, and b) you're both the same and so that makes her behaviour okay.

FakePlasticLobsters Tue 19-Feb-13 13:54:47

I agree that she sounds like is has an issue with alcohol.

I've grown up and spent my whole live living in the pubs my parents worked in and seen all sorts of behaviour like your SIL's. Quite often a customer will offer you a drink but refuse to pay for a soft drink.

In your SIL's case, I think it's part worry that she will now be the only "raucous rowdy piss-head" dancing on the tables and perhaps part jealousy that you've made a change to your life that she hasn't/can't make to hers.

Her drinking habits and behaviour might suddenly look much worse if she doesn't have a partner-in-crime so to speak to behave the same way. Whats seems normal and reasonable when two of you are doing it might seem excessive and extreme when it's just her, especially if she has a issue with alcohol that will be more obvious once she's drinking to excess alone.

Or perhaps she is jealous or afraid your change of habit will result in you growing apart. I suppose a similar example would be if you were both overweight in the past but you had recently and successfully changed your eating habits and dieted, while she continued as she always had. Your success might seem like her failure.

But, you shouldn't have to drink to please her, or lie about drinking to appease her. The only way this will spoil her birthday is if she lets it spoil it by behaving so badly and nagging you constantly.

beenhereayear Tue 19-Feb-13 14:07:12

I like a few drinks but tbh wouldn't care if someone on a night out didn't want to I find this v strange.

id forgotten about the people that refused to buy soft drinks. i had that too... or you get the ones that pretended to get you the drink you asked for but had actually got you your drink... with something else added to it

why people do this i dont know angry

WilsonFrickett Tue 19-Feb-13 14:15:19

You are going to have to be so 'fun' that it's not actually going to be any fun, you do know that don't you?

Don't let her go to the bar for you...

Whocansay Tue 19-Feb-13 14:21:32

InLoveWithDavidTennant This is why I suggested that the OP guards her drinks. I have seen several occasions where friends who weren't drinking ended up with spiked drinks "because it's a laugh", "they'll have more fun", "they won't notice", "they'll loosen up a bit", and various other bullshit reasons. People spime the drinks of others because they know that their own drunken behaviour looks worse and it reflects badly on them.

I like a drink and may have on occasion behaved like a complete twat because of it, but have friends who don't drink too. It's their decision and nothing to do with me.

CSIJanner Tue 19-Feb-13 14:27:47

I've met people to bang on and on and on about drinking instead of staying sober. It sounds petty and not nice but please keep an eye on your drink. I've seen people put shots into cokes before thinking they were making the recipient more fun by drinking. Ignoring the fact she was allergic to alcohol, the idiots!

Crinkle77 Tue 19-Feb-13 14:29:53

Your SIL sounds very immature. I have to say when I go out I do like having a drink but would never pressure anyone in to drinking if they don't want to. Perhaps you need to just say something like you don't need to drink to have a good time and it's quite sad that some people can't go out without it

deleted203 Tue 19-Feb-13 14:35:40

Can you drive? Be the designated driver for the evening. It bugs me like hell when people go on and on at me about having a drink. I don't drink. I don't like the taste of it. And I am still good fun at a party!

I smoke. But I would never say to a non smoker 'Oh go on! Just have one. Honestly...it's really boring if you don't'. I can't get my head round why people think it's ok to insist that you have a drink if they don't want a fag confused

Pilfette Tue 19-Feb-13 14:36:19

Welcome to the world of being on the wagon wink I hate this, I did have an alcohol problem so I totally and utterly 100% can't have one drink, otherwise I'll wreck YEARS of getting and staying sober. Clearly this isn't necessarily something that one would choose to share with all and sundry (unless one was on the internet under a nickname!) but the number of people who push and push and push is incredibly.

At time, having been backed into a corner, I do say, 'I can't drink, I'm an alcoholic' but even that doesn't stop some people! I haven't ever had my drink spiked, thank goodness, but I'd concur with everyone who is saying watch your glass. Oh and tell you SIL that you're a grown adult and don't need to justify your choices to anyone, least of all her grin

ImNotDrunkIJustCantType Tue 19-Feb-13 14:43:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

quoteunquote Tue 19-Feb-13 14:43:29

What is the longest your SiL has been without a drink?

Does she feel as if she has lost her drinking partner in crime, and could it be that you are doing something she could not manage, going without an alcoholic drink.

if she mentions it again, just say, "you are making me uncomfortable", if she then continues, you have your answer, she is not considerate of your feelings, so do not put yourself in a position where she can affect you, until she values your feelings.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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