to not understand people announcing that they're 'Getting Engaged'.

(331 Posts)
atthewelles Mon 18-Feb-13 13:12:13

I mean, either you've agreed between you that you want to get married or you haven't. Tellling everyone that you're 'going to get engaged at Christmas' or that 'we're going to Paris to get engaged' doesn't really make sense. Surely its more exciting to wait until you have the ring and then make a general announcement that you 'are engaged' instead of letting everyone know in advance and then expecting them to get excited and ooh and aah when you appear with a diamond flashing on your finger.

I'm not giving out about it, I just don't understand why people want to take the excitement and surprise out of the occasion like this.

I find it confusing because surely if you've both agreed you are getting married in the future you are engaged?

Slippersox Thu 21-Feb-13 19:33:55

YANBU and I feel exactly the same and always have.The minute you decide to get engaged you ARE engaged !Also don't get going to a family wedding recently,all quite last minute and registry office and meal afterwards.Perfectly lovely and nice and couple very loved up to be told our presence is required abroad next year for the ' proper' wedding ie. big bling do with a cast of many when they can afford and work permits it.Well we can't afford to go,and our work won't permit it but it's their attitude that really gets me.The 'oh this isn't our real wedding' WTF yes it is.It's the day you got married.Or I'm I just missing something?

Pandemoniaa Thu 21-Feb-13 17:36:59

Well I didn't know there was a Flouncer's Corner either. But then I don't do flouncing. If push came to shove I'd just fuck off quietly and sit at home muttering about nests of vipers.

prettybird Thu 21-Feb-13 17:34:14

I agree with you OP - I've never understood it either. Once you've decided you are getting married, you are engaged - ring or not. confused

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaQueen Thu 21-Feb-13 17:26:28

usual well I regularly trot between AIBU, Chat, Adult Fiction and Style & Beauty...and have never noticed it, yet hmm

LaQueen Thu 21-Feb-13 17:25:27

usual I genuinely don't think people were being nasty for the sake of it, or even nasty per se.

People were just stating their direct opinions (with no nastiness that I could see) ...the OP misinterpreted someone's post (Ellie definitely didn't say the OP's actual engagement scenario was pointless and meaningless - she actually said she considered the status between agreeing to get engaged and the actual event as a pointless status ) but the OP took it personally...got all huffy...was pretty damned caustic in her own responses...and that made everyone else go hmm and were caustic back.

atthewelles Thu 21-Feb-13 17:22:25

Well, I didn't and I also post on the food threads, the book threads and baby names.
The traffic there seems to be quite light but that might change now. smile

usualsuspect Thu 21-Feb-13 17:20:35

I think most people know FC exists except for the ones that never leave AIBU

atthewelles Thu 21-Feb-13 17:14:47

Mind you, its been great publicity for Flouncers Corner which most people didn't seem to know existed. We'll all be over there now flouncing around and drying each others tears. smile

atthewelles Thu 21-Feb-13 17:11:33

But we're talking about this particular incident usual where some of us think a minor incident has been blown up out of all proportion and where a poster who was quite happy to come into the thread all guns blaring then took umbrage and started another thread in Flouncers Corner talking about how horrible everyone on this thread was. A bit unfair, don't you think?

usualsuspect Thu 21-Feb-13 17:09:30

And all the this is AIBU what do you expect, doesn't do a lot for the site IMO.

usualsuspect Thu 21-Feb-13 17:06:39

There's a fine line between direct and being nasty for the sake of it.

LaQueen Thu 21-Feb-13 17:04:07

I just think that people need to be very wary of posting on AIBU - and it's a bit disingenuous to post, and then run away going 'Waaaaaaah, they've been, like, really nasty to me'

Especially, when no one has actually been really nasty, just very direct with their opinions.

atthewelles Thu 21-Feb-13 17:00:35

Sorry, x posted. Agreeing with your second last post.

atthewelles Thu 21-Feb-13 16:59:53

I agree LaQueen, I hate it when people goad other people into a response and then take umbrage when that response comes.

LaQueen Thu 21-Feb-13 16:57:19

"If by the 'engagement ceremony/stage setting' you mean a situation which has been engineered and arranged by both people in order to say ' we got engaged on the stroke of midnight at the top of Mount Everest aren't we romantic' or whatever then yes, I'd say that was pretty meaningless & pointless, because in order for both people to be aware those plans are happening means you're already engaged"

Yes, I think that's what I mean sooper ...although, to be honest it's all starting to blur now...

But, personally (and it's just my opinion, and doesn't mean I am empirically right, or anything) I think engineering the romance makes it seem a bit artificial, and contrived.

But, I fully appreciate that someone people invest a lot of emotion and value in that sort of shit stuff.

sooperdooper Thu 21-Feb-13 16:50:54

If by the 'engagement ceremony/stage setting' you mean a situation which has been engineered and arranged by both people in order to say ' we got engaged on the stroke of midnight at the top of Mount Everest aren't we romantic' or whatever then yes, I'd say that was pretty meaningless & pointless, because in order for both people to be aware those plans are happening means you're already engaged wink

I said it before, but you could just say, we're engaged, and we're off on holiday/for a lovely day trip etc to celebrate, and still have that nice experience, but it'd be a bit more real, as a celebration, rather than pretending smile

LaQueen Thu 21-Feb-13 16:31:44

"She didn't actually say that the other posters engagement was meaningless because they went to Paris to swap the ring, she said the statement "we are going to Paris to get engaged" was meaningless to her because she would consider the couple already engaged by that point"

I agree Fake - I think most posters on here were just stating that they simply don't recognise/understand that pre-engaged state...where couples agree to get engaged, but then wait weeks/months whilst planning a formal engagement ceremony/stage setting?

I don't think anyone said they thought the actual engagement ceremony/stage setting was meaningless or pointless.

I think the OP was overly sensitive, to be honest...but her reaction didn't surprise me. I think her reaction to this thread, and her subsequent reaction on Flouncer's Corner is all a bit dramatic, and slightly...I dunno...silly?

Just the sort of reaction you'd get from someone who would get all excited over planning a pre-engaged plan to get engaged type plan thingy.

Coconutty Thu 21-Feb-13 16:08:01

at that would be very funny.

Coconutty Thu 21-Feb-13 16:07:13

None of them catching just a bit of a there, there place I think. As in, I'm going, I really am, honestly, no, don't try and stop me. Oh okay I'll stay then.

Quite good if someone really has got things out if perspective, should be called Knicker Untwister Corner.

atthewelles Thu 21-Feb-13 16:04:46

Imagine if you started a thread over there and no one came back and said 'aaaw. Don't go.' And there you were, all ready to flounce.

Catchingmockingbirds Thu 21-Feb-13 16:01:39

I wonder how many posters that start threads in flouncers corner actually leave mn for good.

atthewelles Thu 21-Feb-13 16:00:31

I've just read back over Ellie's posts Fake and you're absolutely right. She did use the word 'meaningless' in the way you described and not in the insulting way that has been implied.
Her use of the word 'pathetic' was not fair but she used it in the heat of the moment and came back and said that she should not have used it.

I really do think that a totally distorted impression of this thread has been presented over on flouncy bouncy corner and if you look back at some of YOS's posts (or indeed some of the posts on 'the other thread') they are just as unpleasant as the ones YOS is complaining about.

Seriously, if you dish it out you have to be prepared to take it as well.

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