To think my friend is an idiot ?

(30 Posts)
Inseywinseyupthespout Sun 17-Feb-13 13:08:59

Just been swimming with my friend and her 2 DDs.

Her oldest dd is 2 1/2 and the baby is 7 months .
She was telling me today that her DD1 has moved up to her "big girl" car seat to make room for the baby to go in her "big girl" car seat .

The 2 1/2 yr old is now in a high back booster - the baby is to be moved up in to the forward facer next week .

I asked if her eldest dd had outgrown her forward facer - she hasn't . The baby also hasn't outgrown the infant carrier .

I pointed out that she should really keep the 2 1/2 year old in the harnessed seat til age 4 ; she got a bit defensive and said she's within the weight range for the booster so should be fine .

Most of our mutual friends are using ERF seats so she is not entirely ignorant to the options available .

My friend gave me a lift home and the whole journey the toddler was leaning over to grab toys and books out of the bag - so wasn't correctly positioned in the seat .

I feel angry at her for being so stupid in thinking this is some sign of "growing up" for her toddler - it's downright dangerous !

I think she also text her DH to say I was being a judgy pants as when we got home he made a point of saying "oh dd loves her big girl seat " and saying how she had told him she really likes it hmm

I know AIBU in the sense that its none of my business but AIBU to think she is an idiot ??

Especially as the children haven't even outgrown their normal seats ? Why would she do this ?? confused

SamSmalaidh Sun 17-Feb-13 23:13:06

I wouldn't be so worried about the 2 year old in a booster seat (but why, if you have the choice of a safer seat?) but a 7 month old in a forward facing seat is just reckless!

They are supposed to be at least 9 months AND 9kg to go forward facing - because their little necks can snap so easily.

bedmonster Sun 17-Feb-13 23:08:17

Thanks Pretty, it's basically what DP and I thought really, he's far too young for just a seatbelt. We just wanted to see what the next options were.

PrettyKitty1986 Sun 17-Feb-13 23:07:42

A lot of assumptions in your post there mum vs kids hmm
I nowhere said every old car is unsafe...I was referring to a specific situation. Do you want a clap or something?

bedmonster Sun 17-Feb-13 23:06:07

Trazzle I will keep him in the one in my car for as long as he still fits, but we have a booster with the back thingy from the DDs in the loft. Think we may just bite the bullet and buy another one like mine for DPs car.

Apologies OP, I have derailed your thread and should probably start my own blush

PrettyKitty1986 Sun 17-Feb-13 23:03:48

Bedmonster, I wouldn't change to the high back booster for quite a while yet, but because of age not weight.
15 months is really young to just have a seatbelt going across them. I'm just thinking of moving ds1 to a high back booster now because I think he's old enough to not undo the belt or slip under it etc and he's nearly 3. I wouldn't trust a 15 month old.

bedmonster Sun 17-Feb-13 23:03:43

I know Trazzle I know!! grin he's a big lad. He's really solid, 94cm tall too (the only reason I know his particular stats is because we weighed him today at the pharmacy so we could sort out car seats)

Which Can I ask if your DD is particularly slight or do you think she is fairly averagely sized among her peers? My own DDs are older, and I don't know how much they weigh!

I'm still not sure what to do about the bloody car seats!

MumVsKids Sun 17-Feb-13 23:03:02

"It takes all of my willpower not to point out to her that the ten year old heap of shit car she drives would fold like a cardboard box if anything drove into it, making her expensive car seats pretty pointless really"...

I'd love you to see all three of my DCs in our 30 year old "heap of shit" PrettyKitty I'd also lay bets it'd survive a head on collision more successfully than anything you might be driving.

Age of motor is irrelevant.

You feel safer in a £5k (eg) "new car" than a £30k (eg, new book price) older car???

Really?

Goldmandra Sun 17-Feb-13 23:02:08

Please correct me if I am wrong but isn't the forward/rear facing issue more about the proportion of head size to body size than the weight of the child? I thought we placed babies rear facing because their neck muscles needed more help to manage the weight of the head in an impact.

I can't imagine that being heavier makes a difference to the baby's ability to support its own head in an impact.

Maybe I am wrong and it's nothing to do with head size confused

aldiwhore Sun 17-Feb-13 22:55:45

My car is 15 years and perfectly safe ... just saying.

You're not wrong op but her (legal) idea of safety and yours are different, that doesn't necessarily make her an idiot.

WhichIsBest Sun 17-Feb-13 22:54:08

DD is almost 5 years old and is 16kg.

Trazzletoes Sun 17-Feb-13 22:50:13

bed wow! Er, yes, that's, erm, quite heavy <tries to be diplomatic> grin

My DS is very tall and consequently pretty heavy. He was just over 15kg at his 2 year review. Though when I asked the HV about car seats before she weighed him she laughed and said it was nothing to worry about because no way was he anywhere near 15kg grin

If he still fits in the one you have, keep him in it as long as you can.

bedmonster Sun 17-Feb-13 22:38:30

This is interesting. DP and I were discussing it tonight.
DS 15m is 15kg exactly (this seems pretty heavy to me?). We have a forward facing car seat in my car which he has been in since about 8 months old. He didn't physically fit in the rear facing baby seat anymore - head fell backwards out the top. He was younger than recommended but quite clear that he wasn't safe in it anymore. He was well within the weight guidelines.
I think DS is very young to be even thinking about a ff booster with back type thing, have no idea what their technical name is, but he is, according to the guidelines, heavy enough. Not sure what to do about buying another car seat to go in DPs car.
Will keep my eye on this thread.

dayshiftdoris Sun 17-Feb-13 21:21:59

It takes all of my willpower not to point out to her that the ten year old heap of shit car she drives would fold like a cardboard box if anything drove into it, making her expensive car seats pretty pointless really

Some of us can't afford to drive anything else but continue to offer our children the best possible protection in the event of a crash.

For what it's worth... we had an accident 4yrs ago in an 8yr old car and my son's high back booster saved him from serious injury or death according to the police.

As long as the car seat is suitable for the WEIGHT (not age) of the child I dont care so PrettyKitty YABU and frankly a bit nasty whilst the OP YANBU but there is little you can do...

Inseywinseyupthespout Sun 17-Feb-13 18:47:10

"It takes all of my willpower not to point out to her that the ten year old heap of shit car she drives would fold like a cardboard box if anything drove into it, making her expensive car seats pretty pointless really"...

The car may fold but the seats would still protect them a lot more than a standard forward facer .

Trazzletoes Sun 17-Feb-13 16:52:54

If they are within the weight limits then what's the problem?

FWIW, my DS was in his booster before he was 2.5. If rather he had stayed in his old car seat but his head stuck out the top and the shoulder straps didn't fit. I know she said her DCs hadn't grown out of their old seats.

She perhaps needs to do a bit more work on getting her DD to sit properly in the seat though.

PrettyKitty1986 Sun 17-Feb-13 16:45:14

I think yabu really. The older one is in the weight range for the high back booster and unless they're tiny, the 7 month old will be within the weight range for the harnessed seat. Not breaking any laws.

My friend is one of those that gets on her high horse about car seats. She is disproportionately proud of the fact that both her ds's are still in rear facing seats at 1 and 3 and will go on and on about how I should reconsider the seats I use for my 5 and 2 year olds.
It takes all of my willpower not to point out to her that the ten year old heap of shit car she drives would fold like a cardboard box if anything drove into it, making her expensive car seats pretty pointless really.

https://www.gov.uk/child-car-seats-the-rules/overview

Requirements

Then the 50th centime for a girl at end of 7th month is 17lbs. So it is feasible that she is heavy enough. My ds is on the 75th centime for weight, but looks tiny. He's one of those kids who you expect to be much lighter when you pick him up.

So not a million miles away, or even spot on, so if I were you I'd unhook your judgey wedgey (sp? Funnily enough, neither in the apple dictionary)

So turns out YAB a little U

MyGlassIsJustHalfWet Sun 17-Feb-13 16:01:19

Unless the 7 month old is massive it should still be rear facing. Im sure I've heard it's illegal unless they're at least 20lbs? Even if it's not, it's not a risk id be taking.

Mrspartacus Sun 17-Feb-13 15:58:28

I've only ever been car seat police with my own children, and children in my care when driving.

It's a bit odd, but then I think it's odd that the law here doesn't require rear facing for longer as in other Northern European countries. We moved from maxi cosi to be safe izi so dd remained rear facing.

My dd has just turned 3 & moved into a high back booster as she was too heavy for her be safe rear facing group 1. She is on the 98th centime. Ds moved into the be safe at 10 months.

If the children are within the weight limits its not the end of the world & you won't change her mind, so try not to be too cat bum mouth.

I've had to buy a booster seat for my 3.7yo because she is so tall that her previous seat was no longer safe. She's very slim and light though, only about 15kg. So we ended up buying a Group 1-2-3 seat (9 months to 12 years) so that she was safe. (Tbh I wish that she was still in the old seat, his one seems so much leas solid!). Can you suggest this to your friend as a compromise?

Pandemoniaa Sun 17-Feb-13 15:31:35

I've never understood this desire to rush children into the wrong car seats. It's unsafe and an incredibly irresponsible way to try and make them more grown up than they are. At 2 1/2 I can't imagine your friend's dd being old enough for a booster seat since she's clearly not behaving safely in it.

Admittedly, I thought it was 4 years old or a certain weight/height since I honestly can't see my very tall 2.2 year old dgd fitting into her harnessed seat until she is 4. But that's not the same as hurrying to replace a safer alternative that hasn't been grown out of because surely you keep them in the correct seat for as long as possible?

Very silly behaviour and I'm astonished she can't see the very real dangers that are presented by what seems like a ludicrous decision.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 17-Feb-13 13:22:44

My DD is 5 and i've just starting thinking she only needs a booster seat now, your friend is a idiot and being dangerous.

Inseywinseyupthespout Sun 17-Feb-13 13:21:01

Exactly - no idea what the rush is .

No finances aren't a problem in the sense that she doesn't actually NEED a new seat for either of them.

maddening Sun 17-Feb-13 13:19:04

Yanbu -she is an idiot - does she have constraints eg financial that are affecting her choices?

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