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To be fed up when people have an opinion on how many children you have or want

(472 Posts)
brummiegirl1 Sat 09-Feb-13 20:58:52

I have 2 young boys aged 2 and 7 months and would like 4 children if i'm lucky enough as i was an only child and knew i wanted a big family. Before i went off on maternity leave with my youngest a woman at work said are you done now and i said i would like more children in the future and she said im mad.

Other people have also asked the same thing. Is it me? I wouldn't dream commenting on how many children someone wants or has as it's up to them, when im asked now i feel all defensive about it and don't want to tell them like im a naughty teenager not a 33 year old married woman!

SkinnybitchWannabe Sat 09-Feb-13 21:00:55

Yep, I get that when I say I'd like another dc. I've got 3ds and if I had the space and money oh and a new OH I'd try for number 4.

nethunsreject Sat 09-Feb-13 21:02:30

Yanbu

BusyTiredAndLoveIt Sat 09-Feb-13 21:02:48

Oh I get this and it cheeses me off beyond belief.

Me and my dh pay for our dc.
We raise them with no help.
There's no drug/drink/social care problems etc.
We depend on no one.

Yet people feel its ok to comment on how many dc we have or plan to have.

We have 3 ATM under 6.

IT DOESN'T CONCERN YOU. PISS OFF

That covers it really.

brummiegirl1 Sat 09-Feb-13 21:07:19

i like you response BusyTiredAndLoveIt! I find people judge it on what they would like theirselves, well thats great but it's not what i want!

BusyTiredAndLoveIt Sat 09-Feb-13 21:11:03

'Well you've for your hands full'

My response 'better than having them empty'

Very true smile

LadySybilPussPolham Sat 09-Feb-13 21:20:01

Rude IMO. As is the prodding about changing my mind and having another when I've just said 'we're really happy with two"
You don't need to know why!

brummiegirl1 Sat 09-Feb-13 21:27:38

It's a personal decision how many children you want to have, i'm really surprised how rude some people are and how they think they have the right to voice their opinion on it. I keep getting "so you will be trying for a girl next time"

"I just say even if ds had been a girl i would still have wanted another one!" And the comment of having your hands full, well thats how i like it!

germyrabbit Sat 09-Feb-13 21:29:02

i dunno, i wonder why people have more than 4 children and would question their motives

Yes it's rude. As is assuming if you already have a boy then you'll be trying for a girl next time or vice versa. I have one DS and actually would quite like another.

brummiegirl1 Sat 09-Feb-13 21:37:42

I always wanted a girl first until i had my first DS and he was such a plessure i didn't care what my second was so we didn't find out at the scan and i'm not bothered what i have in the future as just to have a baby is a miracle as didn't think i could have any as conceived my first on clomid! Baby number 2 was planned but unexpected as i started trying a year after my first incase i had trouble conceiving second time round as it happens it took only 2 months!

People don't think about if you have had any problems conceiving or any losses etc but feel it's acceptable to voice their opinion on what has nothing to do with them.

I will breathe now!

brummiegirl1 Sat 09-Feb-13 21:38:42

germyrabbit- would you ask them to their face or just think it to yourself?

germyrabbit Sat 09-Feb-13 21:39:46

dunno, i would probably ask them or assume they were religious

theboob Sat 09-Feb-13 21:41:12

I have 4 dc , when i announced my last pregnancy i'd snap at anyone that said 'again' !
now we are ttc#5 and i dread the comments that are to come ......i will prob announce next pregnancy with a warning lol

I know I should be grateful I can have children at all. But I mean I don't have a yearning to have 'one of each', another boy would be great. As would a little girl. I'm not too fussed either way but just know people will assume we are trying for a girl next time when that isn't the case.

Whyriskit Sat 09-Feb-13 21:43:33

Not looking forward to hearing people's responses when I tell them I'm expecting DC3. Because I already have 2 DSs, I an expecting a deluge of "hoping for a girl this time?".

Purple2012 Sat 09-Feb-13 21:44:07

I hate personal questions like this. I have a step daughter. Since I got married I am always being asked when we are going to have children together. I would love to have a child of my own but we can't have them. I end up feeling really awkward and making excuses - our age, step daughter will be off our hands in a few years, or whatever excuse comes into my head as it's none of their business that we can't. It does really upset me though.

brummiegirl1 Sat 09-Feb-13 21:48:41

That used to annoy me too, when i got married this one woman at work kept asking me " Are you pregnant yet?" I would love to have said yes but it took nearly 3 years! People kept saying when are you going to have a baby, they didn't realise i was having fertility tests! I know it's probably only making conversation but it always seems so invasive. How does how many children you choose to have affect anyone else?

JaquelineHyde Sat 09-Feb-13 21:48:53

I am currently pg with my 4th and I get comments constantly.

Water off a ducks back though as I am 1 of 7 and have grown up with hearing rude comments all the time.

All along the lines of 'I assume your Mum is either catholic or slighlty deranged' or 'don't your parents have a TV then' and finally 'Blimey your Mum must have been a rabbit in a previous life'

I have been hearing these comments since I was about 10.

Funny thing is I don't even think 7 children is a large family, it's just normal to me.

Queenmarigold Sat 09-Feb-13 21:51:26

I have twins. The initial questions every single person asks are:
1. Do they run in your family (code for 'did u have ivf')
2. Were they planned
3.are they identical

Details of family planning aren't something I discuss with ANYONE apart from my partner- the number of children in my family are up to us! 'Were they planned?'- mind your own fkg business!!

brummiegirl1 Sat 09-Feb-13 21:55:25

I would love to have been part of a large family but i was the only one which is my reason for wanting a big family also my DH is one of five. I find when you are pregnant with your first everyone seems happy but after that it goes down hill!

PenelopePipPop Sat 09-Feb-13 21:56:31

YANBU. DH and I are having to stop at 1 even though we would love more because I have a health problem that would make another pregnancy impossible. We both feel really sad about this. DH was recently told by his boss that now DD is 2.8 we'd 'better get cracking on number 2'. Sadly he didn't say 'Oops I'd forgotten. Thanks for the reminder. I'll dash home now and give Penelope a good seeing to. Wish me luck!'.

MN044 Sat 09-Feb-13 21:57:39

I have 3. I can't tell you how many people today thought it was good conversation to tell me I had my hands full hmm They were impeccably behaved today too. But tbh people said that even when dc2 came along. If you can manage them, and enjoy them, then go ahead.

Queen if I ask someone about twins running in the family I'm not (nosily and none of my business like ) asking if they've had IVF.

More like if they run in the family then you might expect them. But if they don't then it would be a complete shock when you have the scan.

brummiegirl1 Sat 09-Feb-13 22:05:20

I love all the chaos they bring!

PenelopePipPop i can just imagine the look on your husband's boss's face if he did say that!

Do people ever say nasty comments to you if they see you with 3,4 or more children when out?

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