Aibu to feel sorry for him?

[Lonelynessie]

Today it was my dd's birthday and she handed out sweets at home time to her classmates. There is a child in her class that joined at the start of the year. He has some behavioural problems but I know the school are working with him (he is in year 2) to help.

So after school I noticed the boy walk out and when he was walking off he started kicking his book bag and I could tell that he was upset and angry. When my daughter came out of class, after handing out sweets to everyone, I asked why the boy was upset and she said it was because her teacher told her he wasn't allowed a sweet as he was naughty that day.

Now I can understand that it may have been said to the whole class to behave or they won't get the sweets etc but I just feel so sad for him. I can remember being the only girl left out of things at school and it just felt so horrible. To be fair, I think the teacher is brilliant and the school is great but wibu to bring him the sweets on Monday? Or give them to the teacher and ask if she gives it to him when his behaviour is better? I just hate leaving one child out.

[EduCated]

I probably would intervene and take in the sweets, but I think it's a little off that your DD's sweets were used to reward/punish.

[AgentZigzag]

They weren't the teachers sweets to use for punishment, although given your DD was handing out sweets in school.

Definitely give him some on Monday

Hope your DD has had a nice day, even though she had to go to school.

[Floralnomad]

I may be alone here but I don't think the teacher should have said anything . If she was giving out the sweets then she can miss him out but as they were from your daughter and hence nothing really to do with school I think she should have not interfered. Surely what she's done makes it look like your daughter is judging his behaviour .

[LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance]

What a horrible thing to do to a child. What a cow. And it goes against any advice our LEA Behaviour Team would recommend.

Jeez. Poor little chap.

[MrsKeithRichards]

Poor guy, they weren't the teacher's sweets to withhold.

[Lonelynessie]

That's exactly my thoughts. I explained to my dd that it wasn't very nice to leave people out and she agreed. I don't want it to look like she was the one to not give him the sweets, her teacher actually stopped her from doing it.

[CloudsAndTrees]

I'm that people are telling you to undermine the teacher!

I don't agree with what she did based on what you described, but you weren't in the class and you don't know what he did! The teacher shouldn't be using sweets from your dd as incentive or punishment, because they were an unconditional gift from her, but you would be very very wrong to go and give him some sweets when you know nothing about what led up to it!

[porridgewithalmondmilk]

he might not be allowed sugar because of hyperactivity/e numbers ...

[HollyBerryBush]

Behavioural problems? no sweets? dare I suggest food additives and the teacher knowing something you dont know.

Monday is a no no - the whole incident will be 60 hours in the past and you will be resurrecting it

[MagicHouse]

I think it's unacceptable that she used your dd's sweets as a reward/ punishment! I don't agree that you have to uphold behaviour just because it's the teacher. This was wrong. I guess the tricky bit is handling it. I think I would first ask the teacher what happened when you speak to her on Monday, to check your facts. If she did stop your daughter giving her sweets I think I would say that your DD was upset that he wasn't able to share her birthday sweets, since his poor behaviour had nothing to do with her, and she'd wanted to share them with everyone. If the teacher is thoughtless or unreasonable though, your relationship might suffer!! It depends how strongly you feel about it. Personally I think what she did should be challenged.

[BarredfromhavingStella]

Yanbu to feel sorry for him, I do after reading your OP