To wish they could tell me the gender of my baby but understand the reasons why?

(93 Posts)
scottishegg Tue 05-Feb-13 16:02:56

Hi all I have just had my 20 week scan with my 3rd pregnancy and would have quite liked to find out the gender just to prepare and plan in advance, I already have a boy and a girl and would have just liked to have found out the gender this time to give me a difference experience as I didnt find out with my other two.

Though due to hospital policy within the area I live (Shropshire) I cant find out the gender within a routine scan I will have to have one done privately and pay 45 pounds in order to do this though in the next county they are willing to give this information out free as part of the routine scans.

I appreciate that the reason they do this is to supposedly stop certain members of society terminating foetusus that arent the preferred gender which is tragic and abhorrent but I feel that if people really wanted to do this unfortunately they would just pay the £45 and have a private scan( though I admit it has put me off)

I suppose my issue is that different counties have different policies and selfishly I would have liked to have found out but havent the cash to do it.

I am not starting this thread to cause a bun fight or be controversial I promise.

I guess I shall have to wait to be surprised.

BabysNewName Wed 12-Feb-14 18:38:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragwort Wed 12-Feb-14 15:17:59

I think if it is that important to you to find out the sex (& reasons of what clothes to buy and what colour to paint the room don't seem that essential hmm) - then pay just the £45. Personally I would rather spend the money on white babygrows - don't you all get given tons of baby clothes anyway when your baby arrives, I know we did ? grin.

Reading Worley's comments about peoples' reactions to the 'wrong' sex is heartbreaking.

I was asked if I wanted to know the sex of my baby, I saw absolutely no reason to and didn't need to know - it is the one thing in life which is a genuine surprise smile.

CromeYellow Wed 12-Feb-14 15:05:13

People who intend to abort their female babies will pay to find out privately, this is just punishing poorer people who may not have extra money to spare and insulting everyone else by assuming us all misogynistic baby killers. How offensive and patronising.

If they want to stop gender selected abortions, they should disbar and imprison any doctor caught providing one and imprison anyone caught going abroad for one.

yabu, there are some things which shouldn't be tolerated.

Mim78 Wed 12-Feb-14 14:29:26

I sort of think they are right not to tell gender because I don't like the idea of abortion on basis of gender. However it does not make sense that it varies by area. I found out both times because I could in my area despite in theory not really thinking I should be told!

However I agree that if you were so bothered you would terminate based on gender you would probably pay the 45 pounds.

The sadder thing is the girls who are born suffering discrimination and not being treated the same as their brothers/ male members of community I guess .

grimbletart Wed 12-Feb-14 13:45:11

Just trying to work out how on earth us older posters managed before the days when telling the sex was an option.

Let's see…we treated a baby as a baby, not as a pre-determined stereotype of what a boy baby should be or a girl baby should be. A house was a house, not a house suitable for a boy or a girl. Clothes were clothes, wallpaper was wallpaper, toys were toys.

No pinkification, no got to be blue, no agonising between a doll or a toy train; just lots of lovely primary colours and toys for every individual taste irrespective of whether it was a boy or a girl.

How did we manage? grin

RedToothBrush Wed 12-Feb-14 11:44:11

I would love to know what most people really gain from knowing whether its a girl or boy. In terms of planning you don't NEED to know to buy clothes or to plan bedrooms and I don't have a lot of time who insist that they needed to know for these reasons. They are petty and quite sexist actually. Generally the only reason to know is either for cultural preference or for personal preference or for simple impatience. There are only a few people for which it is important to know for genetic reasons.

It is the job of the NHS is simply to provide health care so I therefore believe that they should not provide this information as it does seem to create far more problems than it solves. I also think that private scanning companies should be more firmly controlled and monitored to see who is using their services. At the moment, I do think the entire system is open to abuse because no one seems to want to acknowledge that there is an issue we should be addressing.

autumnsmum Wed 12-Feb-14 11:40:30

Like a pp I've had all my babies in east London and was told the gender at the twenty week scan each time . I had a friend who was scanned at a hospital where there was a policy of not revealing gender and the person doing the scan dropped a very broad hint re the baby's gender

QueenStromba Wed 12-Feb-14 11:17:24

It seems that fake abortion clinics are becoming a problem in the US. They basically mess you around telling you they'll do the procedure until it's too late or tell you that it's too late when it isn't. It's fucking abhorrent behaviour.

Fleta Wed 12-Feb-14 11:12:58

Not being facetious but I would be interested to see which members of society the hospital think would abort if the foetus was a girl?

UriGeller Wed 12-Feb-14 11:11:38

Gah! 20 weeks scan of course!

UriGeller Wed 12-Feb-14 11:11:04

The 29 week scan is a Foetal anomaly scan and not a 'finding out whether I can order the pink pram or the blue pram' scan.

If you want to know which colour to paint the nursery, then its right that you pay for a 'Which colour shall we paint the nursery' scan.

If you want an in depth assessment of your foetus's health and development then the NHS offer the foetal anomaly scan for free.

Chattymummyhere Wed 12-Feb-14 10:52:51

My local tell you and do the scan photos for free. However I have always used baby bond at 16weeka to find out.

BabysNewName Wed 12-Feb-14 10:22:44

In NHS Grampian they don't tell you. But I don't think it's anything to do with termination. It's because the trust doesn't want to be sued for getting it wrong.

LouiseSmith Wed 12-Feb-14 10:22:04

You have the right to choose which hospital you are seen at. Change to one that will tell you x

Pigeonhouse Wed 12-Feb-14 10:20:25

I gave birth in East London, not 'it'.

Pigeonhouse Wed 12-Feb-14 10:19:45

It's the different policies from place to place that baffles me. I would have thought Shropshire was unlikely to contain significant numbers of the communities considered most like to abort on gender grounds, yet it gave birth a couple of years ago in a massively multicultural hospital in East London, and there was no policy in gender non-disclosure.

CailinDana, I would have been horrified at being judged as a potential foeticide because of my race!

MrsMook Wed 12-Feb-14 10:13:50

The problem with abortion based on sex preferences is that where the practice is carried out, it leads to imbalanced communities as the natural ratio of boys to girls is distorted. There are millions of missing females in the world, particularly in places like India and China, and on that scale there are social issues connected to employment, family structure and crime due to men becoming socially isolated. Not so obvious in minority cultures, but still socially undesirable aside from moral issues.

Most abortions are carried out before 16 weeks unless there is a direct health concern involved. Late abortion is more physically traumatic. Carrying out an abortion based on baby's sex will be a later abortion, and back street abortions always have and always will exist, and are considerably riskier. In that situation, the woman may not have a free choice, and may be coerced by family pressure and may be socially isolated from mainstream culture.

HarryTheHungryHippo Wed 12-Feb-14 09:42:57

I had my 20week scan last week and they told me, even asked at the beginning if I wanted to know. I'm in the midlands, why is it different in different parts of the country?

Mia4 Wed 12-Feb-14 08:43:53

Yanbu to want to know but personally I thinkvwe should do away with being told at scans altogether. It would solve the issue of some places doing and some not plus I know of two people told the wrong sec of their baby.

Yabu to say gender when you mean sex, gender is social and you won't know until the baby grows up and tells you. People seem to mix up the two all the time, I used to myself before my friend transitioned se now I understand the difference.

If someone will abort due to sex then surely they are likely to pay for a private scan? Cheaper in long run.

Twins355 Tue 11-Feb-14 09:24:43

We have been to babyvision for our twins for a gender scan, the lady Ruth started by going through measurements and health of babies and left us worried unnecessarily about our one twin with her expressions and behaviour and started ringing hospital and even forgot our pictures of twins she was that wrapped up in thinking she was a hospital professional. On walking in we said hello to Ruth to be totally blanked and the receptionist who is the partner in the business was very miserable also so not very inviting. Ruth didn't introduce herself until we were lay down ready to commence which was quite rude and unprofessional.
The lady on reception then went on to slate 2 other businesses tht do the same which in business is totally unethical.
All in all terrible experience and has left us worried about the life and growth of our little girl, would not recommend anyone go there and stick to the good old hospital, at least they introduce themselves and have the professional ettiket to not cause unnecessary worry.

worley Sat 09-Feb-13 00:23:38

hippy mama- it is a money making excersize. our trust has asked us to have a specific weekend clinic where people can pay for us to find out te gender of scan. they have to now make a profit within the nhs and this was a way of trying to make the profit...
also pictures... we charge £3.. another near us charges £5. each if the picture mounts cost £1 then the thermal film Is actually quite expensive. and the time taken out of scanning to print out and mount pictures has all been counted and calculated to provide the cost of each picture. previously any money raised went to the scbu bit now it goes into funding new equipment, courses etc.. even towards the hospital debt.

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 10:09:16

maisie - great post.

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 10:07:37

So just because there are mad people who will abort babies if they are girls the OP is not allowed to know the sex of HER baby in HER womb? Might it not be better to tackle the cultural inadequacies which lead to people aborting baby girls rather then punishing a mother who would like to plan ahead for her baby?

ZolaBuddleia Thu 07-Feb-13 08:22:55

Just back on the thread. A couple of people asked why I'd mentioned the legal action angle. No revealing of sex where I live, and think it's unlikely round here that there would be cultural preference for boys. (But plenty of cultural preference for suing anyone and anything! grin)

IneedAsockamnesty Thu 07-Feb-13 01:11:35

Yes it is because of the sharing rooms thing I would get a bigger one. I wouldn't expect any of my much older children to share with a baby nor would I have different genders sharing, in all fairness if it wasn't an option for me to do so easily then I wouldn't bother so much but it is so I would.

Another thing prompted by hippy mamas post, why on earth do you hardly ever see pale green baby grows these days, I quite liked them.

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