AIBU to be annoyed at DH for giving FIL photos of DC2

(149 Posts)
twitchycurtains Tue 05-Feb-13 15:57:50

Since DC2 was born FIL has been asking for photos of dc2 I have had every intention of giving him some photos just as soon as I recovered from the difficult birth (3rd degree tear/difficult recovery), moving house (still have a load of random boxes in the spare room) and a boisterous pre schooler who is currently driving me bonkers as I am unable to find a nursery place in the new area we have moved to.

FIL mentions the photos everytime he sees me, and every time I reassured him that just as soon as I manage to print some off and put in nice frames for him I will give him the photos. He always responds with some sarcastic witty remark. I am getting quite fed up of it because a) its not very high on my list of priorities (I don't have any pics of DC2 at my own house yet/haven't given pics to my parents) what with the whole having a baby/having a pre schooler/house move thing and b) they live 5 fucking minutes away by car and rarely visit, the only time FIL comes to see DC2 is when its DC1's bedtime, DC2 doesn't always like being held by FIL so will scream and DC1 will be climbing the walls because it being bedtime and being bloody knackered. I am sahm and therefore free during the day for vists but on the few occassions FIL has visited, its has
always been around bedtime for DC1.

I am sure that he cares about DC2 and DC1 but tbh they (him and mil) don't really show any interest unless it fits in with their schedules, they are much closer to their daughter's children who they provide extensive childcare for, so if I suggest they visit earlier they either don't come because it clashes with other kids school times or just end up coming the time they want anyway.

Recently, I managed to find the professional bounty ones that were taken at hospital (rip off prices but lovely pics), went out bought a frame, and gave it to him wrapped up, thinking that will be the end of it. But apparently the photo is no good as its not recent and DC2 doesn't look like that anymore.

DH has today gone and printed off some pics for his dad, even though he knows I am annoyed at constantly being reminded and that it was something I wanted to do on my terms and not because FIL nagged me death over it.

I am really fucking annoyed, at DH for spending over £20 printing large sized photos (we are supposed to be budgetingas I am not working/money tight etc) to give to his dad to keep him happy. Had a go at DH, he isn't talking to me now and has said he will put the photos in the bin. I am now at home with the kids wondering if I over reacted. Perfectly willing to accept I may be a tad hormonal and U.

Daisy17 Tue 05-Feb-13 16:00:50

To be fair, maybe your DP had noticed how upset you were getting and did it to get FiL off your back. Clumsy maybe but well intentioned?

Oh dear wink I thnik you might be a little ... But £20 is a lot of money and I can't see why he couldn't have printed little ones.

WorraLiberty Tue 05-Feb-13 16:01:11

Blimey it sounds like a fuss over nothing really.

You didn't do it so your DH did - job done finally

Your DH can always ask his Dad for the £20

CailinDana Tue 05-Feb-13 16:01:13

This isn't about the photos, clearly, it's about the fact that your FIL is rude and sarcastic and clearly doesn't care about inconveniencing you. Let DH give him the photo but tell him he also has to have a serious word to his father about respecting his wife.

TallulahTwinkle Tue 05-Feb-13 16:01:28

How old is dc2?

Sorry, I think YABU and slightly controlling - let your dh do it, one less job for you!

YABU.....it's his child too and his father wants a photo. He sorted it.....what is there to be annoyed about really??? At least it gets him off your back so to speak and he can shut up about it now.

Pandemoniaa Tue 05-Feb-13 16:02:56

I'd have passed the job over to your DH in the first place, tbh. Clearly you have quite enough to do already and this doesn't sound like a battle worth fighting.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Tue 05-Feb-13 16:03:18

Why is it a big deal? You sound as if you're trying to control WHEN he has them. Why would you do that? All you're doing is setting up trouble for the future and, if they're closer to their daughter's children, maybe your attitude to them has some bearing on this. Only you know what the true situation is but I can't imagine why you would need to be reminded and reminded... odd. confused

I think you might be over-reacting slightly. While I can see that you're annoyed at being told "you must" while you're still recovering, I think you DH has sorted it out to keep the peace. I think he was just trying to do a nice thing, and you've shouted at him

I think a frank talk when you next see him and maybe an apology would be in order

cantspel Tue 05-Feb-13 16:04:38

why is it you who gets to choose who gets photos and when?

Surely if your husband and father of the child wishes to give his family a couple of photos he doesn't need your permission.

Goldmandra Tue 05-Feb-13 16:06:20

I agree with poster above.

This isn't about the photos. It's about your FIL getting his needs as a priority by making himself a PITA. It's also about your DH giving in to him when you've decided to make him wait.

You need to communicate with your DH in future about how you feel and why so that you can present a united front.

That applies to the timing of their visits too.

Cassarick Tue 05-Feb-13 16:06:26

YABU and over the top. You didn't do it. Your husband did. End of - get over it.

usualsuspect Tue 05-Feb-13 16:06:43

What a strange thing to get upset about.

Your DH sorted it, so whats the problem?

ajandjjmum Tue 05-Feb-13 16:07:13

This is where the family vibe gets so confused - you're fed up of him hassling (perhaps the pressure you're under doesn't help that!), but if he didn't want photos of your little one, you'd be thinking he didn't care.

Hope you're able to get into a routine soon - and that FIL gets some advice from your DH about not pushing it when you're under pressure.

HeyHoHereWeGo Tue 05-Feb-13 16:07:30

YABU

Yes ok you dont like FIL but the man has asked many many times and now his own son has prepared some to give him.
Dont be that daughter in law.
Take the photos out of the bin and apologise to your DH.

twitchycurtains Tue 05-Feb-13 16:08:05

Hi evryone,

DC2 is 3 months, I gave FIL a photo but he said it wasn't good enough.

LucilleBluth Tue 05-Feb-13 16:08:50

YABU and if you were a man posting he would be called controlling.......

Dinosaurhunter Tue 05-Feb-13 16:09:03

You sound very controlling , a grandparent wants a pic of their new grandchild yet they are in the wrong - weird !

humblebumble Tue 05-Feb-13 16:09:08

I am confused as to why your FIL take a photo of DC2 if he wanted a picture?

Also you sound a bit nutty about the whole thing, your poor DH just wanted to help out, probably. You sound like you have a lot on your plate at the moment.

LimeLeafLizard Tue 05-Feb-13 16:09:31

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now, and DH has done you a favour by doing this chore.

Ilovexmastime Tue 05-Feb-13 16:10:31

YABU, sorry, but why don't you just appreciate that your DH was trying to help and thank him? He may have spent too much money, in your opinion, but at least it's one less thing to think about.

cantspel Tue 05-Feb-13 16:10:37

You couldn't spare 5 minutes to sort some photos out in 3 months?

Just admit you dont like the man and didn't want to give him photos.

Your husband has done you a favour and you have a go? Okay. YABU and controlling.

CinnabarRed Tue 05-Feb-13 16:11:23

3 months!??

I was expecting you to say 3 weeks!

YABU - it would only have taken you a few minutes to print off a couple of 4x6s as an interim measure.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now