To hate the saying "as log as its healthy I don't mind?"

(114 Posts)
kickassmomma Mon 04-Feb-13 09:42:14

Just a lighthearted discussion/debate.

When most people ask whether someone wants a boy or girl when there pregnant, majority say "as long as its healthy I don't mind" I am guilty of this too but now my perspective has changed because I don't have a healthy child.

It actually bugs me to see people put it on fb or say it to me? I kinda think, well what i your child isn't healthy? Would you mind then?

Wouldn't as long as my baby is happy and content be better?? smile

feministefatale Mon 04-Feb-13 18:39:37

I think it is an odd way to respond to a question about the sex of a child.

But I don't think hoping your child is healthy and wishing for it can be seen as a problem? I certainly don't think parents who are sad or disappointed that their child is born with long term disabilities or health conditions are bad parents for being sad that their child will have a poorer quality of life/ or be in pain compared to other children.

I give my kids good food and exercise and do all things parents are supposed to do so they will be healthy. I will love them no matter what there is no sliding scale, but if they are ill it certainly won't make me happy! All I wish for them in life is good health and a roof over their heads.

MammaTJ Mon 04-Feb-13 18:53:09

Does 'as long as this one doesn't nearly die on me' sound any better, because that is what I meant by 'as long as it''s healthy, I don't mind'? That was after my DD had come very close to death shortly after being born.

Lollydaydream Mon 04-Feb-13 19:49:04

YANBU
I agree with illgetmycoat and lightthelamp's posts. It's the as long as bit and I think there is a naivety to the statement. Also, historically, babies with health problems have not always been accepted; this phrase seems like a throw back to that. I don't think people mean that when they say it; it's like other phrases whose initial meaning has been lost.

cory Mon 04-Feb-13 20:25:39

I always assumed that "as long as" bit stood for "I'll be happy". Which seems fair enough to me.

It's got nothing to do with acceptance of the child- I don't have to accept dd's illness and pain in order to accept her.

And fwiw it doesn't seem to have much to do with whether the child has Downs or is on the spectrum either: that doesn't necessarily make you unhealthy (though I know DS is often associated with health problems). When I say healthy I mean precisely that: not ill or in pain.

MamaBear17 Mon 04-Feb-13 20:34:44

When I was pregnant with DD I replied the same way each and every time someone asked that stupid question with:
Either, I just want a baby.

TigerseyeMum Mon 04-Feb-13 20:40:50

If I ever manage to get pregnant I'm going to tell people I'm hoping for a puppy. As I am generally the mad-dog-lady I think they will probably believe me grin

giraffesCantEatNHSPotatoes Tue 05-Feb-13 03:27:31

I say it a lot. When I say healthy I mean alive and breathing! As I have had the alternative. I feel saying "as long as it's not dead who cases" would be a tat blunt, but true! I do get the point you are making, will have a think.

giraffesCantEatNHSPotatoes Tue 05-Feb-13 03:28:21

Oh I am not pregnancy ATM!

Morloth Tue 05-Feb-13 04:42:58

I didn't care whether my babies were boys or girls, but I did care an awful lot that they would be healthy.

So yes, I did 'mind' that they would be healthy, of course that was what I wanted, which I assume is what people are saying.

sashh Tue 05-Feb-13 05:54:16

but now my perspective has changed because I don't have a healthy child.

Has it really? No matter how much you love your child when you were expecting did you hope to have an ill child?

If you get pregnant again will you be hoping for a child who is ill?

You love your child as much healthy or ill but I don't think anyone wants a child who isn't well, until they arrive.

kickassmomma Tue 05-Feb-13 10:08:34

How people have got this idea that I hope for a healthy child just because I dont like the sayin is daft. I never once hoped for an ill no child nor will I ever hope for one.

I am a little strange about sayings like this. I don't like to tempt fate. When I have my next dc I will only have a bed carseat and a few weeks worth of clothes for it. Them I will buy things once it's here. So that if anythin did happen I wouldn't have everything to try and get rid of which emotionally would be too much. Same goes for this saying I would rather hope for a happy and content baby and not tempt fate by saying 'healthy' this in no way means I want a poorly child! I have a very poorly child and it is awful having to cope with it all but. Baby is happy and content and I could ask for more. Her medical problems have made her who she is she is amazing!! My main intention I this post was to see of anyone else felt like the saying was still specifying a certain want. Yes of course everyone wants a healthy baby but when you don't have one it almost feels tempting fate to say 'as long as its healthy' u was also interested in what the thought would be 'if it isn't healthy'

cory Tue 05-Feb-13 10:27:55

I don't suppose we all have the same take on tempting fate; I don't, for one. I know that dd's genetic make-up wouldn't have been changed by anything I said or did during the pregnancy.

BarbarianMum Tue 05-Feb-13 10:43:29

I'm a bit confused by this thread.

I always understood the 'as long' part to refer to the preference in gender question that this is commonly a reply to.

As in 'As long as it's healthy, I don't mind whether it's a girl or boy.'

What sort of person doesn't mind if their baby is unhealthy. Unhealthy isn't the same as disabled. I know quite a few people that don't mind that their child has a disability, others that do, or mind the effect it has on their lives due to other people's fuckwittery. I've yet to meet anyone who doesn't mind that their newborn has breathing problems, or a heart condition, or has contracted Strep B at birth.

Am just puzzled, or possibly missing the point.

Kafri Tue 05-Feb-13 10:44:25

When people asked me if I knew what I was having, I always replied 'a baby, I hope'

Having said that, I take the meaning of the OP's phrase to mean healthy as in not poorly which I guess is what we all hope for.

I work with kids with various special needs and disabilities which I love but I (and all my kids parents) consider the little monkeys to be both happy and healthy.

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