To ask why do people 'loud parent'(468 Posts)
This woman from my NCT group does it all the time with her DS when we all meet for coffee and it's just ridiculous. She literally verbalises every thing they do with a question at the end and some sort of lesson. Eg mummy can't find her phone in her handbag can she James? Phone, James, PHONE. We ring daddy on the phone don't we? / Mummy is going to get you a rice cake, isn't she James? But we only have three left don't we, till we get to the shops. One, two, three. Shops. SHOPS.
I do engage with DD, naturally, but nowhere near on this level!
Sorry, I know this isn't a new topic, but it is so ridiculous. A couple of times I've echoed it with "what is mummy going to do tonight DD, drink gin, that's right, GIN. What does mummy like with her gin? Tonic, that's
right isn't it DD? But she might need to have it neat tonight, isn't that right?" however she is usually too absorbed in explaining to him why coffee is hot, HOT, and why it is sometimes in a mug MUG, sometimes in a cup CUP and why only mummies MUM-MIES drink coffee and not babies BABIES and why and why and why and why and why
The vast majority of children have perfectly adequate hearing...you can actually speak to them in a moderate tone of voice, using a normal level of volume.
At least they're talking to their baby! Apparently our area has a real problem with peoplesate talking to their children until they're 2+ which is leading to speech delays etc. DS is inflicted with a running commentary of our life, I am the person that wanders round the supermarket asking shall we buy bananas or apples. But I'm quiet. And if I didn't I might fall asleep mid step from exhaustion. Sorry if it annoys any of you that I pass!
loud parenting isn't for child,it's for onlookers a isn't we so great/quirky/clever commentary
The OP doesn't mention volume at all, just says:
"She literally verbalises every thing they do with a question at the end and some sort of lesson"
Which I would argue is pretty common and a natural instinct for lots of parents
I agree performance parenting is highly amusing and totally different
The thread title includes the word 'loud', which indicates the volume. Plus the use of capital letters in the OP's examples would indicate shouting or loud talking at least.
Several times I pointed out tractors and trains when I was in the car to my ds...trouble is my work colleague was in the car and not ds.
And the number of times I talked inanely to my shopping trolley forgetting ds was at home and not sitting in it.
Loud parenting is quite sane on my book compared to what I did.
He does run straight to the fish counter though and shouts dead fish mum, dead fish, aww fish dead.
^ Cutest thing I've heard all week!
Purity I am a contender too. My children speak English and Japanese. When we come back to the uk . I usually tell them off in Japanese and vice versa in Japan. I also used to only really have my kids to talk to in english during the day., So My supermarket conversation is a bit like this:
Baby: gurr bu gurgle
Me? Really? I never knew!P
B: gurgle gagaga. (Eats sock)
Me: what the combobulation drive broke?
B: da dada co co an ne ne
Me: And you were suck on alpha centauri , where you discovered the meaning of the universe .All you need is,,, a yogurt to finish the project ?
B: banana tai tai tai
Me : banana youguruto ga hoshii? Gomen ne nai.... Ichichigo ha? ( starts chatting in Japanese)
I am a mn nightmare.
My son's favourite word is why, and I vowed that I'd answer as many whys as I could without losing my sanity, and that's what I do. Hopefully not too loudly. I didn't know it was something that annoyed people
The other day:
"Mummy, cloud. Up there."
"Yes, it's a cloud"
"Yep, in the sky"
"Because they're very light and they float"
etc etc etc, until my throat gets hoarse. Because nothing is worse than a child that can't converse and has no interest in doing so.
I think it is instinctive, and I do it in private and public. I don't speak louder than I would to an adult. I think I am just a person who talks a lot so it feels normal to me.
I do this. DS likes talking about things, and only being two, the things he can talk about are quite limited (Look bus! White Lorry, red car yes we'll go to the shops etc) so sometimes I go a bit off-piste for my own amusement.
And when he was a baby, I'd talk to myself for my own sanity, and because otherwise I could go all day without uttering a word, so when someone at the supermarket (for instance) asked me something, I'd open my mouth and only a croak would come out.
I'm sorry if it annoys you, but I'm sure you have habits that would annoy me, and by now the constant wittering is pretty much unconsciously done. I'm sure once he's a bit older he'll start rolling his eyes and telling me to shut up and the problem will cure itself.
I talk loudly to 21mo DS all the time. I just have a loud voice. I also repeat back what he says to me fairly often. I'm not making it up, he did just say "humous" although it may not have sounded like that to people listening.
I do sometimes get a bit horrified when I play back what I've just said. My mouth just babbles without thinking and I realise I've announced to DS (and therefore the whole of Tesco) that we need to pick up some olives and camembert from the deli before we go to the alcohol aisle and get some Pimms.
I think that the wrong word was used - we are talking about 'performance' parenting, not those who just happen to have a loud voice, and of course you should talk to your DC!
Performance parenting is hilarious- long may they continue to give passers by a good laugh! ( you just feel very sorry for the DC ).
I occasionally do it deliberately as in 'Darling, I love you more than anything in the world, and I'm finding that noise spectacularly annoying, so I'm pretty sure that these people who don't know you from Adam don't want to hear it either.' I normally talk to him at normal volume, but even then occasionally get caught out, once by a shelf stacker who snuck up behind me whilst I was saying 'Now we need to find the mung beans, and when you're older you'll understand that people who buy mung beans are called 'hippies'.'
I talk to DD constantly - and she talks back. As she only has about six words and a whole load of noises at the moment I have no choice but to imagine what she might be trying to say and respond to it. Otherwise we wouldn't have much to talk about - as it is I find we have so much in common .
I don't do it for the benefit of anyone but my DD and myself, and tbh if other people want to judge me for it then that's up to them. I love chatting with her, and do it just as much in the house when there is only me and her in as I do when we are out.
I also talk to the dogs.
So when I'm heard in the supermarket asking her if she wants lychees or plums it's because I happen to be picking fruit and need something
anything! to say. It's not because I'm trying to impress anyone, because I don't give a monkeys what anyone else thinks of me.
FWIW - we got the lychees and the plums.
16 month old DD chose both and then cuddled the punnet of lychees for the rest of the trip. I may have sounded pretentious but I was actually asking which she wanted. She went down the "two hands - two options" route and grabbed both hehehe.
I used to talk to ds a lot as a baby, as a single parent I had no one else to talk to!
3 DC's with language difficulties, two of them with hearing issues too, and you are, by definition, a loud parent.
I don't do it for the benefit of anyone else but my DC's, and couldn't really give a crap if it makes other people think I'm pretentious or whatever.
When dc were v young I used to talk non stop explaining everything I was doing to help their language skills. They have both ended up having quite advanced language skills for their age so my effort either paid off or it was pure luck twice!
However I never did it when out with others or in front of others - they had enough language development lessons at home
It does rather sound like your NCT friend is trying to prove a point of some sort
I do think that you are not a proper parent until you have inanely said "here's the pears - we'll buy some - they look very yummy" before realising that said child is at home with daddy.
At work I have to work quite hard to not refer to myself as "mummy".
I talk loudly to anyone because I'm hard of hearing
Like others if you heard me sometimes out and about with ds, you would eye roll and think ,'oh god...'. Ds has no speech at all (2.7) and a delayed level of understanding, so his SALT recommends talking simply, clearly and with quite exaggerated tones. Honestly if you saw the way she looks at a book with ds, you would think she was way OTT, but it is the only way to engage ds with looking at a book.
* Because nothing is worse than a child that can't converse and has no interest in doing so.* blimey, i hope that was a joke!
I do a running commentary in public with my teenage children.
what's the next thing on the list
how much is that? how much do you have? how much will you have left? Well done, fab
let's put this over here.
can you see the
say thank you
don't forget to
It is in a clear, wouldn't say loud but clear strong voice.
They have autism and it's about teaching them vital life skills.
Now they are older, I imagine it is clear that something is 'wrong' (wrong being outside perception ) but when they were younger I am sure I looked like the worst kind of performance parent, with questions and instructions and praise.
couldn't care less.
oh yes, and they were non verbal for quite some years! so it was very one sided, I would just talk on and on and on, asking questions and answering them too.
Anything to get them to absorb language and to understand the need for communication.
So yes, there would have been - point to the pears, (no pointing) where are the pears (no response) here are the pears, well done.
op is talking about a baby, this lady seems to be a little in over drive about it - cant switch off - baby will survive in a coffee morning without it but talking to baby should be encouraged not make people feel embarrased about it.
I was on eurostar a few years ago with DD1 and a lady sidled up to me after a while and asked dd age etc - and was she talking, I said yes but only a little.
She said to me - talk talk talk talk talk and the all the things it does -because her child had some sort of delay, I know she was projecting...but she was right.
NOT talking causes more problems than talking.
Hecate as long as you werent talking about middle class things like horatias pony lessons - you would be fine.
MN's dont like over hearing " middle class chat" alotugh it might simply be what thier life is - some find it offensive.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.