To not appreciate the way the dentist spoke to me?

(59 Posts)
littlemisssunny Thu 24-Jan-13 12:24:59

I do have pmt at the moment so it might be me who is being unreasonable!

I changed to an nhs dentist last year, and the dentist I saw was lovely, talked things through etc. I had a temporary crown in December and booked an appt for jan to have the crown fitted.

I had to rearrange twice as I had flu and then vertigo (rang up in time and explained, no problem) then I rang on the day of my next appt to check the time as I hadn't had a text reminder, to be told the new dentist (same surgery, but dentist i saw first time had left) doesn't work that day and I should of had a letter to arrange, so I just rebooked, a bit annoyed but didn't complain as I get nervous about the dentist and was glad to get out of it!!

Anyway I went today and told them I hadn't been brushing my teeth as much as I should as I was laid up with flu and vertigo and struggled to get up to even go to the toilet.

She had a right go at me when she had finished saying I need to brush my teeth even when I'm ill otherwise I could get gum disease. It wasn't what she said it was the way she said it. I know I need to brush my teeth and again explained why I hadn't.

I left then as I didn't want to say anything as I was upset.

I have to go back for a filling in a couple of weeks and an dreading it already. The dental nurse was lovely and I think a bit embarassed for me.

I am thinking about asking to change dentists after my filling as they have lots there.

So do I need to get a grip or was she being unreasonable?

tigerdriverII Fri 25-Jan-13 22:39:24

My dentist is lovely, but he looks about 12 (must be about 30 really) and he wears rather nice converse so I am vaguely thinking how nice and cool he is and how I am old enough to be his mum rather than worrying about him patronising me or hiw much it hurts. I rather suspect the patronising is the other way round....

CalamityJ Fri 25-Jan-13 22:34:12

YANBU. I "confessed" to my dentist and hygienist that when really sick in the first 4 months of pregnancy I neglected my toothbrushing and flossing because mint made (and still makes) me feel sick. They were sympathetic (one male, one female) and made suggestions of what I could do to get through it (mouthwash instead, non mint floss). Judgemental dentists are why people are scared to go in the first place, leave it so long and end up in bother! You've had a bad experience and shouldn't have to put up with it. Choose a new dentist. You'll feel much more comfortable about going once you do.

pigletmania Fri 25-Jan-13 22:31:42

Oh yes the mouth police grin. They are all cut from te same cloth, I have had many run in with them

Well, I would dread to think what a dentist would say to me about my teeth.

I have three teeth with about half missing each. The reason for my tooth loss is the reason I am petrified of going to the dentist. I had three fillings when I was 13/14 all without pain relief sad aka the reason I will not go to the dentist. These three teeth have all chipped to the point I am missing about half of each tooth.

I need to register with the dentist that sedates you, when I can afford it. If I could get all my teeth taken out and dentures in place I would.

FeltOverlooked Fri 25-Jan-13 22:03:35

Why does going straight from work mean you haven't brushed? If I know I'll be going straight from somewhere to the dentist, I just get there five minutes early and brush in their loos. I thought everyone did - this thread is an eye opener!

sleepyhead Fri 25-Jan-13 21:57:25

She might want to brush up on her skills with nervous patients. Dental phobia is often caused by fear that the patient will be told off/given a row by the dentist or shock them with the state of their teeth/gums. It's a very common reason for people not to attend for years and therefore the antithesis of preventative care.

Maybe she doesn't care, or was just having an off day though...

There are ways of saying these things re: oral hygiene (and they do have to be said). I'm lucky that my dentist specialises in nervous patients, and despite me not having visited for over 6 years before finally getting up the courage a couple of years ago was very matter of fact and lovely, and got me sorted out without making me feel like a complete reprobate.

wink MrsMorton I am definately not 2 out of the 4 things on your list...

stephrick Fri 25-Jan-13 19:51:38

I'm a dentist phob but had to go when registered my children at a new surgery after a move, I hadn't been for 15 years. She was fairly impressed, one small filling. When you have a phobia you take better care of them, brush and floss twice a day.

DressMe Fri 25-Jan-13 19:32:42

I hate the dentist and very very rarely go. Thankfully I've never had to have a filling (or worse) but do have a scale and polish. I moved to a new dentist last year while 6 months pregnant and she was very rough, so much so that I cried from the pain. Did she stop, or offer pain relief? No. She laughed at me and said I was very silly and asked how on earth I expected to have a baby if I couldn't cope with this! (I ended up with an EMCS and coped fine, thank you very much!).

My new dentist offers the numbing injection and is lovely. For some reason I just find things poking in my mouth so very painful.

KurriKurri Fri 25-Jan-13 19:31:31

You don't need to apologise to the dentist, it's your mouth, your teeth, your choice. You don't have to agree to treatment you don't want, and you don't have to put up with rudeness.

I've got a lovely dentist, but I've come across rudeness in other health professionals (although the vast majority are lovely and totally professional).
My policy with rudeness is always to call people on it, - so I would say 'thank you for the advice, I appreciate it and I'll do my best to follow it. But it isn't necessary for you to be rude to get your message across.'

Callmedoe Fri 25-Jan-13 19:09:40

Now usually I'm one for peace, harmony at discord on Mum's net and The World Wide Web at large but in this case I agree with littlemissunny. Going to the dentist is never a particularly nice experience in my experience and I can only imagine that it is made much worse by the presence of Vertigo, PMT, flu and rudeness!

LifeofPo Fri 25-Jan-13 19:00:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory Fri 25-Jan-13 18:57:32

I wonder how my GP can manage to get through a discussion about my blood pressure etc etc and never manage to make me feel inadequate and my dentist can't do it. My physical health is no better than my teeth, but he doesn't indulge in sharply indrawn breaths and headshakes.

But then my GP can manage to read my medical notes and remember what he is supposed to be doing, whereas my dentist has repeatedly tried to X-ray the wrong side of the mouth and puts things on the charge sheet for next time and then changes her mind about doing them.

bumperella Fri 25-Jan-13 18:49:05

I absolutely hate my teeth. I can't really listen to conversations about teeth, toothpaste, etc without getting upset, and if anyone mentions my teeth I find it hard not to imagine killing them and burying them under the patio.

Dentists are dentists; they're not therapists and to be blunt I would never consider discussing with anyone how often I brush my teeth/floss/whatever. Whyever would you say "IO don't brush as often as I should" to a stranger???

MrsMorton Fri 25-Jan-13 18:27:45

needathickerskin oh absolfrickinlutely true. But then I'm a nob or arrogant or rich or over paid or something. Can't remember which one it is today.

complexnumber Thu 24-Jan-13 17:32:13

I went to my hygienist straight from work and hadn't had time to brush after my porridge breakfast

Gross! Poor dentist, was all that stuff in your mouth since your breakfast?

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 24-Jan-13 17:15:59

Yeah lucky old me.confused.
I'll await the poster with no hands to come on next, just so I'll feel even more guilty.
Sheesh.

LaQueen Thu 24-Jan-13 17:10:47

I work for a private dentist...time and time and time again we have patients who don't attend appointments or check-ups, who don't listen to advice...and then months down the line expect us to bend over backwards to give them an emergency appointment because they're in agony with toothache hmm

Don't agree with your dentist sounding stroppy, though. Not very professional.

phantomnamechanger Thu 24-Jan-13 17:04:36

No matter how ill I am, even when I've been in hospital I've managed to brush my teeth.

well, lucky old you! try having severe hyperemesis, the very thought of brushing your teeth makes you heave! the taste of toothpaste makes you gag

thre is no need for medical professionals, or any other person involved in serving the public, to be rude.
soem people are rude by nature anyway, others have an off day. other times it depends on the mood of the hearer how a comment is taken.

fluffyraggies Thu 24-Jan-13 16:32:55

I am petrified of having dental work. So much so that i will only go when in extreme pain. I look after my teeth in the hope that i don't end up in extreme pain very often.

However about 10 years ago i was having hellish pain with my wisdom teeth and had to go. The dentist i saw told me off like a child for not going to the dentist regularly. I explained my phobia, and told him i was frightened and found it hard to even be in the treatment room, let alone the chair, but he harangued me all over again.

I had the work done and haven't been back since sad

He was recommended to me as being good with nervous patients too!

emsyj Thu 24-Jan-13 16:00:50

I had a dentist be very rude to me once, so I changed to another one at the same surgery but not before getting a dressing-down from the practice manager. She was utterly obnoxious but she picked the wrong day to be nasty to me and soon backtracked. The same dentist that I refused to see again extracted one of my DMum's teeth a couple of months later and made a botch job of it - he was rude to her too until she went in with DBro (also a dentist) who stood up to him and pointed out that DMum needed further treatment (which he did agree with and perform - then she found a new dentist too).

I have to say though that NHS dentists are not raking in megabucks unless they do a lot of private work on the side. My DBro is NHS and far from rich and he works bloody hard. If you're in the north west OP, go to him instead!

AngryGnome Thu 24-Jan-13 15:42:42

Having had zero problems with my teeth in 32 years, in the year following birth of ds I had to have 2 root canal treatments which both failed and the teeth were subsequently extracted.

Needless to say, I am slightly shocked about this sudden deterioration in the health of my teeth, when my dental hygiene and diet haven't changed. When I asked my dentist what was happening, and what could I do to prevent it, his response, word for word, was 'bad diet, innit'. That is apparently the sum total of his wealth of knowledge and communication skills.

Needless to say I am now hunting out a new dentist.

dippywhentired Thu 24-Jan-13 14:15:56

grin very true Needathickerskin!

McBalls Thu 24-Jan-13 13:59:10

I sympathise, I always feel like I going to the headmasters office when I have a dental appt.

In all honesty though I think it's pretty bad not to brush your teeth, I honestly can't think of any situation when I would not brush twice a day. I don't say that to pick on you when you feel bad already but sometimes I wonder if I do/ don't do things that other people would be hmm about and I'd probably rather know iykwim.

Having said that, they are your teeth and its up to you what you do with them.

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