Mumsnet Talk

we are not really hard up we are in comparison to some and others but I find certain things about money offensive usually I ignore the threads sometimes I can't

That would be country not outcry-damn you IPad.

Polka dot. I am offended by you boasting about your iPad. So tasteless! ;)

MN has really opened my eyes up to the number of people who manage on much lower incomes than I have, it's one of the good things about MN IMO. Of course there are also people on here with much higher incomes than mine.

I agree it's the way posts are worded that gets people's backs up. I've never experienced poverty myself but still feel annoyed when people use that term in jest when they are clearly minted.

Hully - staying with your analogy, yes it would be insensitive to discuss new cars, foreign holidays and the like with a group of moms, knowing that some may be on a low income or benefits.

It is another matter to say that my well off friend and I shouldn't discuss such matters if there are strangers within earshot that might overhear and feel bad about going to Butlins instead of the Maldives.

I see MN as the latter.

If a returning to work SAHM were to start a thread asking if salary x was reasonable then she and responding posters should be free to discuss it without being flamed for being insensitive to those on a low income

As a MNetter suggested above, OPs should include text in the subject to warn away people who might consider the subject to be 'sensitive'.

Everyone's problems are relative to their own situation. Telling someone they can't discuss money problems because some are worse off is ridiculous. By that way of thinking you could damn all the people who come on here moaning about problems with their ex's or oh's because it's terribly insensitive to widows. Or how dare anyone moan about the inconvenience of their kids having chickenpox when some people's children are living with life threatening conditions.
Some people may earn 60 k and still have financial difficulties. Who are you (general you) to tell them your problems are more valid?

The school fees thing is contentious and I agree, it IS a choice and for many people it means that other luxuries are out of the question. The fact does remain though, that schools are not equal in the quality of education they provide. If you are fortunate to live in a good catchment then that's great, if not then you have to look for other options and the independent route is a valid one if you can afford it. Whichever way you look at it, you make a decision and have to accept the consequences, be it a bigger mortgage for a better catchment or school fees. Some have the choice, others don't.

I wish I hadn't mentioned the Maldives now I really really want to go

I dont begrudge anybody nice things I do go all po faced if somebody has an ipad or a new car or whatever, I just think some people not all dont seem to see past their own nose about things and will not give up a lifestyle they can't afford they won't compromise

I don't go*

I think if you were a self employer person who hadn't been paid for some work and you needed to pay your full time nanny but had a cash flow problem I like to think most people would respond sympathetically. Although a reasonable comment would be that you should have had a contingency for this knowing the nature of self employment.

On the other had the I can see why people would be unsympathetic to "I can't afford a foreign holiday even though I earn £250k because I have to pay 4 lot of private school fees".

I see alot of empathy for posters regardless of income. I see threads where posters seek advice in which private school to send their child, largely left in peace.

It's interesting that some posters on higher incomes do not realise how wealthy they are; that private schooling, a large house, several cars are a necessity and are surprised that they cannot afford other things that constitute a good life.

i work with people on relatively average income - many of these people can afford new clothes and a couple of holidays a year, they have a nice car, a good social life.
But their housing costs are low, either council or very low mortgage, they do not have children or have one at the local state school, they work hard in tough jobs, they often have 2 jobs...and they do not complain. They have made their choices.

So it annoys me when people who have chosen to live in an expensive area, high mortgage, paying for education, several cars, putting away for pension/savings start complaining about it - we all make choices, what is it that makes you feel you are entitled to a certain lifestyle?

Blue don't be, I hope that was tongue in cheek. [Smile]If it wasn't Dp got given said I pad from work.We have no smart phones(Tesco £10 jobs),very old computer completely stuffed up that we can't afford to replace so he gave it to me.

You just can't see an entire picture from posts on here which the above illustrates.

I feel so sad for the oppressed rich people on MN

That said school fees are a choice which more and more people aren't going to have.

My kids go to a Satisfactory school,many kids go to similar and far worse because they have to.Said school,could slump even further but I'd sooner be able to pull a bunch of flowers out of my ears than stump up for school fees to send them elsewhere.

If you can afford school fees you are wealthy.

Pretty - I totally agree.

It's not just money talk that gets some people going. Apparently, if your (general your) bright kid isn't being challenged by the school then you are insensitive if you mention it on MN since many other DCs are struggling to achieve what your DC finds too easy.

I still don't really see that it is a problem except when a poster is being crass or someone on the thread is looking for a fight.

I have posted about loads of things. People don't get arsey when a post is in context. If someone posts 'have you booked your holiday yet. Are we going to fab places in 2013' then no one posting on that thread should get thir arse chewed and I never see it happening.
A woman was posting about damage to her weekend chalet - a gift from her dh - and ecause the problem was genuine and no boasting was involved she was universally supported and got helpful sympathetic advice.

The posts that get flamed are the ones (IMO) with gratuitous mentions of the price of things or stealth boasting.

I don't think it's a problem.

The threads you are talking about are threads where the op moans about her Carrara marble staircase having a chip in it.
When you consider the state of the country and the global economy, threads like that are at best ill thought out, at worst boastful and ignorant.

Still waiting for even ONE example of difficult problems people feel unable to broach...

Anyone?

Ubik many don't have a choice re the high mortgage area.If you only got on the mortgage ladder in the last few years,live in an expensive area and had no help with deposit you will have a big mortgage which is why more and more people are renting and youngsters find it impossible to get on the ladder at all.

mrsj for me - you have hit the nail on the head - I know a few people - (their income is irrelevant) and their lives revolve around their lifestyle and how they arre percieved. Getting into more debt - is a habit. When my children were very small - I was really, really skint, but I budgeted - to within an inch of my life. I was lucky - for me it paid off. I know thats not true for everyone, but some people - seriously need to lower their expectations. You could pick any random salary - and some will consider it high and others will consider it to be low - now -where is that holiday brochure

indeed, i live in a 'nice' area and our mortgage is higher than most people i work with who live in less desirable areas. But i understand this is a major reason why a colleague is off to Tenerife with her son for half term and i am will be spending it at home with my three children.

you make your choices

It was, hence the ;) wink!

I saw a thread where a woman was saying she couldnt afford the piano tuner.

I agree with everything ubik said.

I never begrudge someone success or wealth. But when posters are moaning that they earn so much and cannot afford quite simple things you really have to wonder how they have tied up all their income.

Its also the refusal to change anything because the £40 per week wine bill is absolutely necessary and little Johnny simply cannot live with his £20 a box breakfast cereal. I mean come on. Since when did having money mean someone should never ever have to budget or prioritise or sacrifice again?

It's very difficult to post that you earn a lot of money but are massively in debt hully - last time i did i got asked why i lived like that as i was putting myself in a precarious position. No shit sherlock.