To want another baby at 41

(134 Posts)
raceorama Tue 22-Jan-13 10:19:08

I have 3 dcs and would really like a forth. My DH is not so keen though to go through the baby stage again not sure if I should try to change his mind. Anyone else in similar situation.

FreudianLisp Tue 22-Jan-13 14:17:12

Eggsy, we're not all over the hill at 40! Maybe your friends just had babies who didn't sleep, and that's why they were knackered. I wouldn't leap all over soft play equipment either (and I can't imagine ever going to a soft play place at all) but it's got nothing to do with my age!

Piggychunk Tue 22-Jan-13 14:22:25

I have had children ant 17, 24, 27 and at no stage could I be arsed to jump on the softplay equipment, I'm not sure that's an age thing

carmenelectra Tue 22-Jan-13 14:25:11

I am 42 and have 3 ds's. Baby number 4 is almost certainly on the radar for me.

I always wanted 4 but then after (intentionally) leaving a big gap I kind of decided 3ed would be my last as I wanted to stop by 40. Then of course I had dc3 and the feeling of wanting another child didn't go away. The idea had been on the backburner.

I feel really mixed, in the sense that I'm not overjoyed at doing it all again but also sad at the thought of not doing it. I am the kibnd of person that would regret not having another when the time has passed. Also, I'm very much a believer of the idea that you never regret having a child. No matter how hard it is.

My dp is happy with what we have doesn't really want another but he also knows how I feel and would agree reluctantly!

I don't relish the stress and the expense(though its as expensive as you make it) and I could not give up work or even cut my hours. However, I've managed so far I guess.

I would say definitely go for it if you dh agrees. In my case I need to decide within the year I think.

WileyRoadRunner Tue 22-Jan-13 14:31:13

* When I was on mat leave at baby groups, it was so obvious who the older mums were. They never ran round on the play equipment at soft play like me and DP did, and always were so much more tired all the time.*

Oh dear that did make me snort ^

40 is not too old to have a baby. If it is what you want and your DH is with you then go for it.

I am 32 and desperately want to go for DC3 but my husband is not keen at all. I think finances would be stretched and we only have 3 bedrooms and my DH says they cannot share as not fair on older ones. I find the thought of no more so upsetting but am hoping the broodiness will pass.

scampadoodle Tue 22-Jan-13 14:34:30

How fabulous for you eggsy that you managed to find someone to settle down with so young. Not all of us are so lucky. I was more or less single going out with f***wits til I was 32. Had kids at 36 & 40.

carmenelectra Tue 22-Jan-13 14:38:35

As for older mums not running around, that's hilarious!

Some young parents are lazy snobs.

I am soo active. As well as working almost full time. I do loads with kids. Park as often as poss, library taking them softplay. Indoor activities.
Sorry I meant lazy slobs lol
That's rubbish. My dp is the same and he is even oldersmile

jellybeans Tue 22-Jan-13 14:43:52

'* When I was on mat leave at baby groups, it was so obvious who the older mums were. They never ran round on the play equipment at soft play like me and DP did, and always were so much more tired all the time.*'

Don't agree with this. BUT (embarrassingly) I was a teen mum with my DD1 and my friend and I used to think mums over 30 were ancient! However I have now had children in my teens, 20s and 30s! I can also confirm that I have ran about at playgroups etc just as much at early-mid 30s than in my 20s! You can get lazy and unfit mums at any age.

Bue Tue 22-Jan-13 14:46:04

Gosh, I'm nearly 33 and haven't even started yet. Perhaps I ought not to bother. I am liable to be so exhausted all the time due to my extreme agedness that I'll end up doing my back in at the soft play!

ExpatAl Tue 22-Jan-13 14:53:51

Eggsy seriously? All the young parents were running around interacting enthusisastically and athletically with their little ones but the 40 year old mums were sitting, having a little nap? Your post is hilarious! Good parents are good parents. I don't think having one at 60 is a great idea <yikes> but early 40s isn't exactly over the hill.

Eggsy, hilarious! yet somehow patronising and offensive. 42 with a four year old (and 18yo) and am tempted for one last one.

NymphadoraTonks Tue 22-Jan-13 15:18:57

My Mum had me when she was 40 and my little sister when she was 44, so as someone who grew up with older parents I would say I see no issue with it. I do think that id your husband really doesn't want to though you should respect that. Its his decision too.

For me it would be my worst nightmare.
Hitting late 50's still having a teenager to worry about when I should be holidaying around the world - no thanks very much.
Really! 60 with a teenager - no way Jose!
But, there are plenty of 'older' parents out there and if it's what you BOTH want and agree on, then there's nothing wrong with it at all.
Don't just do it though - your husband has to be on board too, and willingly so!

WaynettaSlobsLover Tue 22-Jan-13 15:31:30

Eggsy....not sure firstly why you mention having a degree.. hmm but your post IMO was pretty thoughtless and a total generalisation. I had my first dc in my teens and was absolutely knackered. I am now 23 and expecting my third...not as knackered as last time but still pretty knackered. I don't enjoy jumping on soft play either. If I was someone sitting here who hadnt met their dh until they were late thirties, had a bit of trouble conceiving and then had a baby around 40, I would be very unimpressed at your comments.

crikeybill Tue 22-Jan-13 15:39:50

I had DC3 at 38. It was my hardest pg I won't lie. He's now nearly 2 and I'm nearly 40. I'm not over the hill and I do jump and play thank you eggsy ...
......however as a pp said it has dawned on us lately that we won't be child free till were over 60!!!!! So although I'm fine NOW it has come into my mind recently that Dh and I won't be able to do as we please for quite a while longer sad

Its that that I would consider now.

GeorginaWorsley Tue 22-Jan-13 15:39:51

Had dc4 at 38,DH 40.
Seven year gap between DC4 and DC3,16 yrs between DC1 and DC4 with DC2 10 years ifyswim.
I always wanted 4,DH not so keen.
In some ways it has been hard,more to do with the gaps than our age though.
Feel like school run gone on for ever,plus swimming lessons etc.
Having said that I would not have felt our family was complete without DC4.

TheCatInTheHairnet Tue 22-Jan-13 15:47:58

I don't think your age is an issue. But your DH being dead against it IS an issue. Personally, I think women who get pg "accidentally on purpose," in the hope that their DH will eventually come round to the idea, are thoughtless and pretty selfish.

EmpressMaud Tue 22-Jan-13 15:54:32

Cripes, Eggsy. Offensive much!

crikeybill Tue 22-Jan-13 15:55:27

Oh and having an accidental baby is wrong for everyone involved, including the baby.
What a stupid idea !!!

Fluffy1234 Tue 22-Jan-13 16:03:16

I had Ds1 In my teens, ds2 in my 20's and ds3 in my 30's and I was knackered with all of them!

OP does NOT mention having an accidental baby BTW!!!!
Just maybe talking her DH round.
I may have put that in peoples heads but it's not what was said at all!!!

crikeybill Tue 22-Jan-13 16:11:53

No op doesn't suggest having an accidental baby but mumsknitter did and it was her I was addressing.

Such a ridiculous and wrong idea.

41 isn't old, and despite the rather patronising comment earlier in the thread by a mum in her 20s, people in their 40s are perfectly able and willing to run round and play with their kids. I know plenty of lazy arse 20 odd year olds who never move a muscle, so her experience is down to the people she knows not their age.

I'm 40 and due DC1 in the next few weeks. It has been an incredibly easy pregnancy, and I am still going to the gym, walking for up to two hours at a time, and very fit. I've had the scans and my baby is perfect. Older does not automatically mean genetic abnormalities etc. The risk goes up, but it is still only a tiny percentage. If all goes well with the birth I will be planning dc2 asap afterwards.

Astley Tue 22-Jan-13 16:54:47

I would do it. There is nothing like regret. The older 3 will help out too.

raceorama Tue 22-Jan-13 18:36:16

Hi everyone thanks for your replies there is so much to consider one minute you think yeah why not go for it and then you think of different reasons why it might not be a great idea to go ahead I think that's why DH isn't 100% keen because he thinks of the "bigger picture" as he calls it whereas I'm probably just extremely broody. My dcs are 8, 6 & 4 so used to a night or two of disrupted sleep and used to never getting a lie in.
I'm healthy (touch wood) and am able to run around with the kids no bother I would just be concerned about feeling really tired during pregnancy (if it happened).

eggsy11 Tue 22-Jan-13 20:58:58

I didn't mean to offend anyone! I said it generally, because this is an internet forum, I don't know this woman. Therefore i'm saying based on what I know.

I said I have a degree because i've had a lot of critisism in the past for being a young mum. One of the biggest things I have said to me is that having children before you've lived yourself or had time alone with your partner is the biggest mistake. Me and DP have been together for 3 years pre-DS and it is just as much fun living our lives and tackling new challenges whilst having a child, you can achieve stuff and have a baby.

OP asked for opinions. I said I think 40+ is too old. Because of lack of energy and not being as in touch with your children as a young parent would be. I don't see how any of that is offensive?

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