About nursery re potty training

[amatuermummy]

We have just started potty training DD (2.5) and she has done really well at home. 3 accidents on the first day, 2 on the second (including a party in a play area) and none at home since. The thing is, on her first day at nursery she had 5 accidents and they said that she wouldn't go on the toilet and went as soon as she'd got off. I had to tell them that she wasn't yet used to the toilet and asked them to just put her on the potty at regular intervals.

When I collected her from nursery on the second day, this is what happened;

DD comes running over to me, excited to see me. I picked her up and her key worker immediately said 'We've had a few accidents today, haven't we' to DD who replied 'Yes'. I asked if it was less than yesterday to which she said, 'About the same'. She said all this whilst looking at DD with a disappointed look on her face. On looking at her sheet, she had only had 2 accidents, which I think was quite good for her second day at nursery. She told me DD had only weed on the potty once, however another nursery worker told me she had been more than once with her. I just don't think they communicate or take DD as often as necessary. I know nursery is more interesting than being at home and DD is likely to forget whilst she is there, however she hasn't had any accidents at all at home and we take her out and about every day. I also know they have a room full of children and we only have DD to potty train (I worked in a nursery for 6 years) however I don't think it's unreasonable at the prices we pay for them to take her to the potty regularly during the start of potty training.

The thing that has annoyed me the most is a 'story' that her key worker told me. She said that when DD had wet herself, she took her to change her and said to DD 'You're a silly moo aren't you?' to which DD replied, No, I'm a silly girl'. Her key worker then said, 'No, you're a silly moo' and DD said, 'No, Daddy's a silly moo'. She thought this was funny and told me in that context, however I'm not happy with her calling DD a 'silly moo' at all, especially just because she had an accident whilst potty training. I'm also not happy that DD said she was a silly girl for having an accident.

So, do you think I am unreasonable for being annoyed that a) the first thing key worker said to me, in front of DD, was that she had had some accidents today in a disappointed tone. DD appeared to be upset by this as she would not look at me whilst this was being said b) they don't appear to be taking DD to the potty enough and therefore she is having more accidents and c) calling DD a silly moo when she did have an accident. I know 'silly moo' was said in a joking fashion, but still.

I haven't said anything to the nursery as I may just be over thinking things as we tend to do with our own children, but just wanted some opinions on here.

Thanks

[amatuermummy]

Sorry that was so long! I'm doing night feeds and rambled on a bit!

[BouncyPenguin]

No you are not being unreasonable. I would be livid at this!! It's really basic child psychology that children should NEVER be made to feel guilty about having 'accidents' as this can lead to potty training taking much longer or even lead to them being anally retentive and holding onto poos for days. I would tell the member of staff at the nursery and her manager that it is not ok to make any comment to your DD when she wets/poos herself other than, "Oh well, try and do wee on a the potty/toilet next time. They should be taking her to the potty/toilet every 20 mins. This is what they did at my Mum's school nursery (for 3 and 4 year olds who were not yet potty trained). I really wouldn't be worried about how many accidents she is having. It is totallt normal for her to have loads and loads of accidents in the first few weeks. She will gradually get the hang of it but a fuss must not be made. She should not be made to feel guilty. It should not be talked about overtly in front of her. And as for the member of staff calling her silly moo. That is absolutely awful Tell them this is not appropriate. I know your daughter saw it as funny but children should not be labelled by their carers as silly anything. It may damage them long term and gives them the impression that it is ok to call others silly so-an-sos. Will potty training it is all about PRAISE. Ignore the accidents and praise praise praise when they do get it in the potty. Teall the nursery this and monitor it. If this happens again I would seriously consider changing her to another nursery.

[Sirzy]

Yanbu on points a and c

However how often are you expecting her to be put on the potty? If every. 20mind that would be unreasonable to expect from a nursery. Once an hour less so.

[BouncyPenguin]

Sirzy you are probably right about that 20mins may be too difficult for a private nursery with lots of young ones. The 20 min thing is what my Mum did in a school nursery which is a ratio of 3 adults to 40 children. But this is different age group where most children are potty trained by 3 and there was usually a group of few children who were not quite there and they would just take these kids every 20min. Obviously this was only over a 2-3 hour period that they were at the school nursery so not a whole day. They should be taking her regularly, an hour would be ok, but the shocking thing is that they should be experts at potty training and they sound clueless!

[amatuermummy]

Thank you for the replies. I was trying to decide whether to mention it to the nursery manager or not. I don't expect them to take her every 20 mins, more like every hour. At home, we put her on around once an hour or if she looks like she needs it. 9 times out of 10 she will wee on the potty, even if it's only a tiny bit.

I just wasn't happy about the way she first mentioned he accidents, as the first thing she told me when DD was so happy to see me. Also the 'silly moo' comment, like you said, I know she said it as a joke but even the fact that DD said 'No, I'm a silly girl' annoyed me. I don't think she is silly for having an accident.

I'll think about speaking to the manager about the language used.

[CatBumFaced]

YANBU

I'm annoyed at the silly moo comment. A child should never be told they are silly or stupid. It's damaging. A child should never be made to feel bad about accidents when potty training.
Years ago I worked in a toddler room in a nursery and we were able to do toilet trips every half an hour for our trainees. It's not difficult to do and it's easier than mopping up and changing 20 children!

Btw isn't silly moo a 'nicer' way of saying stupid cow

[fourfingerkitkat]

You're not BU. She shouldn't be calling your wee girl a silly anything. I don't even like calling it "an accident" to be honest though I've yet to find a suitable alternative....DS used to say his winkle had leaked ! We had a terrible time toilet training DS as around the time we started he caught a really bad bug and had a terrible tummy bug. On a day out to the local park the poor wee soul soiled himself, it was absolutely everywhere, thought I would have to hose him down. After that he was terrified when he needed a poo which led to him holding it in for days on end. Whilst the nursery were as supportive as they could be I couldn't help but feel they thought we weren't trying hard enough with DS to get him on the toilet. After a couple of months we eventually got him on the pan through a combination of bribery with toys and chocolate.

Btw, our nursery don't encourage potties at all and just go straight to the toilet so we never bothered with a potty for DS. Trying to get DD (3 in March) on the pan at the moment but she thinks it's all a game.

[BabsAndTheRu]

YANBU, I changed nurseries for this exact reason, my wee boy had a problem with going to the lou,,fine for wees but not poo, he would withhold and could make himself constipated for up to 10 days. He saw GP regularly and was on medication. The nursery new all this, he would get leakage due to the medication and would therefore need changed. The nursery started telling me he wouldn't use the toilet for wees and most days I was picking him up soiled. Discovered through son that whoever took him to the toilet made him say sorry for being naughty. Enrolled him the next day in new nursery and told old nursery why. Also letter of complaint sent. At new nursery and using their toilet for poo and wee within a week.

[Pilgit]

YANBU! Accidents happen. It's what happens when anyone is practising a new skill. The only time a child should be called silly is when they are intentionally being silly to amuse themselves or others and even then it's what they are doing that is silly not them!

our nursery were wonderful and took DD to the potty/toilet every 20 mins until it was clear she knew what she was doing.

[amatuermummy]

Thanks for all of the comments so far, at least I know I'm not being PFB about this. I don't really know how to approach it because the comment 'silly moo' was said as a joke, but I really don't like it. Would you speak to the manager, send an email or speak to the key worker?
Thanks

[MammaTJ]

I am the most laid back person ever and I would be telling them that this is not acceptable.

It doesn't matter that an adult meant Silly Moo as a joke, your DD may not take it as such, it is a negative comment and flies in the face of child care and parenting advice.

[amatuermummy]

Thanks again, nursery was closed today but I'm going to speak to the manager about the language used with DD. She called herself a silly moo today, so I'm not very happy about it. I'm not looking to get the key worker in trouble, but hopefully it will stop her saying similar to DD and others.

[RedHelenB]

I think if you are having to put her on every hour then she is not ready for potty training so I think YABU to expect nursery to do it.

[BouncyPenguin]

It's not about "having" to put them on every hour. It's about get them into the habit of going, getting them used to sitting on the potty/toilet, giving them a fair chance of doing something on the potty so you can praise them for getting it in there. At the start they have no control, no concept of what they need to do. Sitting them on regularly starts the ball rolling (as it were). Why shouldn't nursery be expected to do it? They are being paid to do it. It is a basic part of a child's development.

[MummytoMog]

I do think every hour is a bit much tbh, but they shouldn't be saying anything negative to her at all. My DD isn't potty trained properly yet, but her school nursery have been very supportive, and just change her calmly and without comment. She only gets upset if she has a poo accident, which given she has a lot of wee accidents at school, is pretty good going on their part. They take DD to the potty once in the three hour session and that generally does it for her, but she's a fair bit older at 3.4.