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Help - found bank letter re challenging over 1k spend in gentlemans club

(277 Posts)
Letstryagain Wed 16-Jan-13 20:43:04

Looked in h pocket when moving jackets and found a bank letter re his challenge over 1k spend in 'gentlemans' club - looked at dates and it was a weekend I was away, he was out but never mentioned going there. I have no issues with these places but wonder why he didn't say he was there & also how could anyone spend over 1,000 at a place like that? What do I do - say I saw it? Am raging? He had told me he was disputing a spend in debenhams!! Help!!!

Maybe someone has cloned/stolen his bank details and run uo the debt. Or maybe he has been there and they've diddled him - those places are notorious for fleecing money from unsuspecting punters, thinking they are less likely to complain because they don't want anyone to know they were there.
Why are you raging? Because he went to a what? strip club? lap dance club? brothel? what is this place exactly, and what do you think he did there?
Does him just being there enrage you? or that he didn't tell you, or if he had a lap dance, saw a stripper, had sex with someone he paid for it?
Don't you trust him?
Why not just ask him right out what he was doing there. OR, if you really think it could end your marriage if he has done XYZ, then take a few days and give it some serious thought. Do you actually want to know what, if anything, he did? Is it worth your marriage? Will you believe what he says if he denies it all? Do you trust him?

polkadotsrock Wed 16-Jan-13 20:54:04

Well if he's disputing it then he didn't do it so the rage may be premature. Just ask him, it was in his pocket, you hardly had to go hunting to find it so no worries about being accused of snooping

If he's disputing it and he didn't do it then why did he lie to you and tell you or was a Debenhams spend?

HecateWhoopass Wed 16-Jan-13 21:01:02

If it was fraud, then he would have said to you bloody HELL! Someone's cloned my card or something and spent money in a bloody lap dancing club

(I am assuming that's what a 'gentlemans club' actually is?)

The fact he's challenging only the amount spent suggests to me that he's disputing the number of private dances he got or something.

Letstryagain Wed 16-Jan-13 21:03:39

Thanks for your replies - I suppose I am assuming he went there (it's local to us, a weekend I was away with children & he was out). My issue is not that he went there - it's that he didn't tell me (he has been to strip clubs before and I have no problem with it) and the amount in question is making me a little concerned. My rage is to do with the fact that I never thought he would lie to me & to make up a big story about an issue with his card and debenhams (buying my present apparently!) just makes me want to slap him! Do I haut say I found this in your pocket & ask him why / what etc. he knows I am big on honesty about everything so I can't understand this
I know these placed rip off customers, especially where drink is involved but the amount worries me, what would you get for that!

DonderandBlitzen Wed 16-Jan-13 21:05:49

Did it have the name of the gentleman's club on the letter? You could google it and find out what sort of place it is. It might just be somewhere he went with his mates after a pub, not really knowing what it was and he might have had a drink only but someone cloned his card. Surely if he had really been shagging around or something he would have kept it quiet not challenged the cost and made a big thing of it?

Letstryagain Wed 16-Jan-13 21:06:25

And yes - just read Hecate thread - if it was ffraud then he would have made a joke about it. Not double lied?

determinedma Wed 16-Jan-13 21:08:47

Why were you going through his pockets?

HecateWhoopass Wed 16-Jan-13 21:09:59

oh yes. If someone spent money in a club and it was nothing to do with me - I'd be shouting it from the rooftops!

He lied to you because he WAS there. He DID partake of whatever it is they offer there.

He just does not believe he had a grand's worth...

Letstryagain Wed 16-Jan-13 21:10:05

Donder - I googled it & it's not far from us - offering 'entertainment' for high class clientele, whatever that means. We actually walked past it about a year ago & laughed about whether we should pop in!

ArtsMumma Wed 16-Jan-13 21:10:52

Ask him, you haven't been snooping around, you just found the letter. So say, hey I found this, what's it all about. You're sure to know him well enough to be able to tell if he's avoiding an issue or lying. If you think he is then question more. Stay calm and don't let him see you are angry until he has explained himself.

Does he know your views? Just wonder why he lied

determinedma Wed 16-Jan-13 21:12:51

Going through someone's pockets is snooping in my book

Letstryagain Wed 16-Jan-13 21:19:16

Yes - determined - I shouldn't have looked in his pockets. I pulled out jackets to sort dry cleaning and it was there and I read it! I know I shouldn't have but I am glad that I did - now I am asking about what to do

Sallyingforth Wed 16-Jan-13 21:21:02

It's a lap dancing club. They charge extra fees for every additional service. Drinks are an extortionate price. They will rack up the bill at every opportunity and can probably justify the charge even if it sounds unreasonable to you.

He will have to pay, and you will have to decide whether or not to forgive him for being so stupid.

Sallyingforth Wed 16-Jan-13 21:22:09

It's a lap dancing club. They charge extra fees for every additional service. Drinks are an extortionate price. They will rack up the bill at every opportunity and can probably justify the charge even if it sounds unreasonable to you.

He will have to pay, and you will have to decide whether or not to forgive him for being so stupid.

thegreylady Wed 16-Jan-13 21:24:01

Just ask him-you went through the pockets for a valid reason [dry cleaning].

As Hecate said - he doesn't believe he got a grands worth. He thought he'd only spend five hundred quid of your family money to see some woman's fanny and is shocked it's double the price. That poor fella.

CheCazzo Wed 16-Jan-13 21:28:02

Well you yourself said you're big on honesty - so you're going to have to be honest with him about this aren't you?

suburbophobe Wed 16-Jan-13 21:33:57

Going through someone's pockets is snooping in my book

Not at all, I go through all of DS's pockets before throwing stuff in the washing machine - just as well as there have been lighters and all kinds of crap in there.....

I would be more pissed off at £1000 being chucked away in an evening, whatever his excuse.

Letstryagain Wed 16-Jan-13 21:36:41

I know - I'm just worried that he will immediately jump on a ''why did you look in my pockets' answer

Bloody hell - he will think/argue spending a grand on strippers and them lying massively about it, and accidentally reading a bank letter are equivalent? wow.

Lap dances are only about £30. He's done more than had a lap dance if he's spent anywhere near a grand.

Branleuse Wed 16-Jan-13 21:40:09

Tell him hes been rumbled, and what does he think hes doing blowing a grand on strippers ffs

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