For explaining 'where babies come from' like this?(80 Posts)
To make a baby, you need a seed from a man, an egg from a woman and the special bit in a woman's tummy called a womb.
Usually, the baby's daddy gives the seed and the babys mummy gives the egg and womb, and they all live together as a family.
Sometimes the mummy and daddy don't live together and so the baby can have two houses! Sometimes the baby only lives with one parent. Sometimes the people who first made the baby can't be a mummy and daddy so the baby gets new parents.
Sometimes two ladies are in love and so a kind man gives them a seed, or maybe two men find a kind lady to give them an egg and let them use her womb.
Sometimes the mummy or daddy need a kind person to give eggs or seeds or let them use their womb because the mummy or daddy have a problem with theirs.
Sometimes a woman and a man even make a baby by accident! When you grow big enough o make a baby, you can get medicine that stops ou havin a baby until you want one.
All sorts of different things happen, and babies end up in all sorts of families, isn't that lovely!
No matter what, there always needs to be an egg, a seed, a womb and someone to love the baby, but there are lots of ways to do that, just like there are lots of different families.
Because this is the way I tell it to my dds when they ask, and people seem to think it hilarious... Obviously I didn't just spout all that when they were 2, but that is pretty much what emerged. Dd1 has quite a probing mind so keeps asking 'what if...' Questions, and has asked in great detail about childbirth and breastfeeding, but not about how the seed and egg meet for some reason.
(Although she got the impression from somewhere that god gives seeds out, and only if you are married to a man. Sigh.)
She wants to be a doctor or vet (or an olympic diver, despite the fact she can't swim...) so she loves a bit of gore and is asking for a model of the pregnant pelvis to go with the other models that she demands I make, then ignores...
I think you've explained it perfectly for a little person.
I do think 'front bottom' is very misleading tbh. As most children understand the 'bottom' to be for dealing with poo, couldn't it even potentially lead to disgust?
I talk about 'private bits' as a catch-all term for genitals - less out of shame than to reinforce the fact that everyone's genitals are private to them -, but I use the proper name for individual parts of the anatomy within that. One of my children once saw me on the loo and wanted to know what the flaps of skin were. I said they were my labia and help keep my vagina clean. I don't think there's anything inappropriate about that.
The first bit is pretty much what exs Mum told him.
I'm apparently never ever ever to mention what this led to - As afterwards he questioned her further, to make sure that he had heard right - That she, being a woman, has a 'special place' that he, being male, does not have. Once he had made absolutely sure of this he demanded she let him have a look at hers I might actually say something next time i see him. He would be mortified.
Okay-I'm an adult who has taught sex ed, had three babies and plenty of medical interventions "down there". I have managed to explain donor conception to my children. So why do my toes curl when considering using the word "vulva" with my dd's as the term for their external genitalia? Don't know really. So we're sticking with "bits and bobs" or front bottom for now. Quite often simply "bottom" suffices.
Haha I agree chubby, I've just expained the same to my 6yr old DS, he's still trying to get his head around the fact that girls don't have winkys (explained it's a penis but he's sticking with winky).
I agree about the use of the correct terminology, I found the original explanation toe curling tbh, it's like great aunt mavis trying her best to be broad minded - the 'usually' kind of gave it away
He's just turned 3!!!! I'll deal with female urethras when is is a bit older . . . We're still at the 'establishing boys are different from girls, boys have a willy girls don't' stage!
You do know you don't pee from your vagina?
I've only used the word 'flower' once when DS asked me where my willy was and I said mummy's and girls don't have wills they have flowers (was kinda put on the spot as it was in a public toilet cubicle!) he's never asked again & it's never been mentioned again. Would do mums of little girls use for the word vagina?
OTOH willy is a recognised term for a penis and less confusing (unless your name is Willy).
And I totally agree with your post above Cailin
I just wouldn't use the word flower for something that isn't a flower. Confusing
Sometimes the people who first made the baby can't be a mummy and daddy so the baby gets new parents.
I'd be a little worried that the child is being taught to deny its biological parents who may still be in contact.
That's fair enough Kytti, I don't object to doing it like that, I'm just saying it's not how I would approach it. The concept of "innocence" implies that simply knowing sex exists makes a child less innocent, guilty somehow, of what? Sex isn't dirty or wrong, and I think it's unfair to project adult ideas onto something that, to children, is something people just do, like eating or going to the toilet.
This is totally my own hang up too, but I honestly believe that informing children about sexual matters is very important for keeping them safe. "Innocence" often equals ignorance - a child who is clueless is an easier target for someone who wants to abuse them because they just don't know what's going on. A child who is clued up, knows about the body, knows about sexual things (at an age appropriate level of course) will be able to identify when something unacceptable is going on much more easily than a child is who is kept "innocent," ie in the dark. Denying a child knowledge is never a good thing in my book - most adults would hate not to be told something important, yet they do it to children all the time for no good reason.
BTW I don't advocate sitting a bored and uninterested 3 year old down and foisting a load of facts on them. I am in favour of answering questions honestly when they come up and then introducing knowledge gently at an age appropriate level. Hiding things from a curious child is a total no no in my book - it's unnecessary and unfair IMO.
my kids use the proper words and made up words for their bits,they say penis and vagina (gina!!!) and willy and minnie.
thats prettymuch what i told my dcs but not all in one go,just gradually as they asked,they know where the babies come out(notout my tummy button!) too and they have seen me breastfeed,im glad they know all the facts and theres no shame attatched to it.(athough they dont know how the seed gets in yet either!)
Thank you so much for posting this, it's lovely!
My husband and I are currently trying to conceive through donor sperm and have been thinking a lot about how to explain this to our future baby.
I hadn't realised people used the word "flower" for vulva/vagina - doesn't it cause complications with real flowers? (Picking flowers, smelling flowers, dried flowers, artificial flowers).
"Giving the impression that it's embarrassing or "dirty" won't encourage the child to be open in the long run."
Well I'm sorry, CailinDana but I'm with chubbychipmonk on this one. I have told my older dd the 'proper' words for her bits, but I hardly think having my 3yr old twins running around talking about vaginas and penis's in public is a great idea. Calling them flower / tuppence / fanny / willy whatever isn't making it embarrassing or dirty at all, just .... I dunno, I'm not ready for my dcs to understand all the mechanics of sex yet. I simply don't think they need to know. I always answer all their questions honestly (dd1 already knows all about periods & ds (5) knows a bit about them too) what's the rush in telling them it all? When the time is right I will explain it. People are in too much of a rush to remove some innocence and mystery from children.
And as for being embarrassed about body parts, I'd be much more worried about another thread on here about pooing and weeing in front of people. (sorry about the digression but... ) I find it amazing the number of mnetters who preach about teaching preschoolers about sex and the correct sexual terminology, but can't have a shit in front of anyone because it's too disgusting!
Dd1 knows all the proper names for the bits of her genitals, but has taken to saying 'fanny' and 'bum', which is fair enough.
They both know that babies usually come out between a woman's legs, and that the seed gets in that way too. They know that dd1 got stuck and so the doctors gave me medicine so it wouldn't hurt and cut a hole in my belly and womb to get her out, and that things went a bit wrong so the same happened with dd2 and that went a bit wrong too, so I can't grow any more babies.
Sorry, I was making a point but did go a bit overboard. The way I see it, there's no point in giving children hang-ups about body parts and sex. To them it's all just normal natural stuff, and hiding behind silly words and twee explanations doesn't do them any favours. The mechanics of sex aren't really that complicated, small children can understand pretty easily, so if they're interested, just tell them, and use the proper words! Giving the impression that it's embarrassing or "dirty" won't encourage the child to be open in the long run.
Yeah obviously I use the word arm for arm. Just thought it was better using age appropriate words for genitals. . . Looking for advice here, no need to be quite so harsh!
Chubby, why wouldn't you use the words penis and vagina? That's what they're called! I presume you call your arms "arms" and your head "head" or is he too young for those words too?
Lovely OP, a brilliant way to explain how babies are conceived. Our son was conceived using donor sperm and we have the 'My Story' book from donor conception network to read with him.
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