To hope my Ladybits recover? :(

(95 Posts)
Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 19:00:01

It's been nearly 9 weeks since I had my baby - I had a second degree tear and stitches. Am doing pelvic floor exercises because my GP said the internal wall of my vagina is quite weak.

DH and I had sex for the first time post-birth the other day. I am very very loose, not really enjoyable for either of us. TMI sorry - It was only enjoyable for him (or me) a bit more from behind (and annoyingly, that position is most ouchy on my stitches).

The term "vagine like sleeve of wizard" comes to mind. sad

Does it get better!?! Will it get tighter over time? I seriously did not expect to be this loose - my baby was inly 7lb 4oz!

FFS for the next one I want a c-section sad

AIBU unreasonable to hope my fanny recovers? sad What timeframe for improvement should I expect? I was thinking if after a year it wasn't better I'd very seriously look into reconstructive surgery.

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 19:48:51

Thanks EMS I am a bit shock of course to read that - but honesty is good! Ok, 2 years to reconstructive surgery....

You lot are great, I googled the problem and got stupid BabyCentre threads saying "ohhhhh I was tighter and it felt better than ever at 3 weeks"! Bah. And WTF aren't many women still bleeding heavily at 3 weeks?? I only stopped bleeding at 7 weeks.... Then got my period a week later. Fuck you biology...

IAmNotAReindeer Thu 27-Dec-12 19:58:10

Don't be so hard on yourself. It takes quite a while to recover from a tear like that plus I am sure what your doctor meant by improvement isn't anywhere near as high as the bar you are setting yourself.
If you are worried at the 9 week mark pop along to your doctors and find out what else you can be doing to help recovery.

as far as C-sections go I was very lucky to have had 2. That sounds strange but I count myself lucky in that the first was a horrendous crash section under a general anesthetic and it left me with no sensation in my genitals at all. I would experience the physical sensation of orgasm, the contractions of muscle but had absolutely no warning it was approaching as I had no feelings of arousal whatsoever. Believe me when I say that lack of arousal can kill anyones sex life scarily easily.

My second section is where the luck comes in. It was a blessing in disguise for my sex life as afterwards somehow all the familliar sensations where restored but I count my blessings that it could have made the situation a whole lot worse.

You are feeling low right now and unsupported and setting yourself impossile goals will make you feel worse. Relax and take things slowly work on intimacy and worry about mechanics later.

It does get better. Eventually. I had a 4th degree tear with firstborn and the students all got a go at practicing stitches on my poor nether regions. They sewed me up too tight so sex hurt for a year afterwards. But it did eventually improve. Hopefully yours won't take so long because it really put us off sex....

BunFagFreddie Thu 27-Dec-12 20:38:18

"a C section isn't necessarily going to mean you don't have any other problems with a second baby. "

My midwife told me the same, and she also told me to do my PF from our first meeting. In fact, she said all women should do them every day, as even childless women can end up weeing when they cough or having vagine like sleeve of wizard. DP has confirmed this and there are indeed childless women he has slept with who have flappy vagines.

It took about a year for my vagine to get back to normal. You should do your PF exercises as much as possible and many times a day.

Are you sure it's actually looser, or just a bit numb and desensitised? The latter was certainly true for me

HoneyMurcott Thu 27-Dec-12 20:48:08

Zara, don't worry, honey, it will get better. Time heals all (fanjo) wounds. Had second degree tear and stitches too. It will be OK.

DIddled Thu 27-Dec-12 20:48:37

Don't worry I felt like I had a bucket biff early doors, it does improve with time - and I only had a 5 pounder! Keep up with the sqeeeeeeeezes and it will all come right ( if you pardon the innuendo! smile )

DIddled Thu 27-Dec-12 20:49:38

Btw Wizards sleeve- always made me laugh!!!!!

BinksToEnlightenment Thu 27-Dec-12 20:49:42

Yes it does get better. Much, much better. Mine got noticeably better after my periods started again and my hormones were back to normal - pregnancy and breastfeeding softens your ligaments, which makes things generally looser.

The pelvic floor is full of muscles. You can definitely work to build them back up. That's science fact!

dizzy77 Thu 27-Dec-12 20:55:59

It is rubbish op but it does get better - pf exercises all the way. Like you I also had trouble bf. I did a post natal course and at about 10 weeks, was handed a outline drawing of a woman and was asked to mark my feelings about my body graphically on it. I drew a tunnel in the fanjo area and two big crosses over the boobs plus a saggy tummy, massive eye bags and crazy hair. Things really did improve.

BinksToEnlightenment Thu 27-Dec-12 21:06:25

Actually, I was just thinking about this. Mine IS better than it used to be.

The first few months, I wanted to run outside and collapse to my knees, screaming I'm ruined!!! Ruined!!!!!!!

But I wouldn't swap back to my old lady area if you paid me.

Fairylea Thu 27-Dec-12 21:11:15

Ermm a c section for whatever reason is fine if that reason is causing you enough discomfort or worry.... I think people are being a bit harsh about that aspect of your post. However, yes it is early days and things will improve.

But... just to add my own story I had a terrible first birth and had a 3 day labour ending in an episiotomy and ventouse delivery. A lot of women might think that was quite ok but for me the whole thing was absolutely traumatic and I suffered with awful pnd and ptsd because of it all. To this day I hate the scar of my episiotomy and I had sensitivity along the scar for a long time. Sex also felt very different and reminded me of the whole birth experience.

9 years later (7 months ago) for all those reasons I chose to have an elective c section on the nhs with dc number 2. The experience for me personally was amazing and I found the recovery both mentally and physically much easier thanmy first birth.

I would opt for a c section again without hesitation.

bigkidsdidit Thu 27-Dec-12 21:12:07

I had an 8-13er and second degree tear with stitches also and felt exactly the same. I hated it. Did t want to have sex at all for ages.

I don't really do my pf exercises often blush only when I remember, but two years later it is all back to normal AND I've started being able to have orgasms at the drop of a hat shock

I'm pg again so I promise it does all get better!

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 21:16:15

shock flyingspaghetti that must have been dreadful, all those students having a go! My confidence was not improved by the fact that they wouldn't let DH look downstairs during stitching in case he fainted (he passed out in shock when DS was having CPR performed on the baby table 2 mins after birth). I was like errr what on earth does it look like down there!

dizzy that drawing sounds like what I'd sketch right now...!

macaroni it's definitely looser. I can't really feel DH and he told me its way way looser. He's being very supportive though and went with me to buy exercise clothes that fit me yesterday so I can start trying to get the rest of my body looking better and my confidence up even if my insides are like a bucket for a while confused

It's hard to feel excited about sex when you know the main course is going to be flappy confused time to get inventive I suppose!

LOL my DS looked beautiful from the moment he was born. People all commented how nice it was that his head wasn't squished and I yelled at them all "MY FANNY LOOKS LIKE IT'S HAD A GOLF DRIVEN THROUGH IT!!!"

Feeling better now for my poor worn out fanjo...

Elkieb Thu 27-Dec-12 21:21:14

I've been seeing a physio who deals with pelvic floor exercises to help me. It's hard to explain, but try to pull your rectum towards your bladder for 10 quick squeezes as quickly as you can. And, then pull it in as hard as you can and hold it for up to 10 seconds. Repeat this at least 4 times a day forever, and you will feel tighter and hopefully you won't end up peeing yourself when you laugh/sneeze. I'm off for corrective surgery but that's a whole new thread!

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 21:25:14

fairylea a friend of mine had an elective for her second and said it was marvellous. Yeah I don't get why people are so judgey about sections, if you don't like one don't have one.

If I get gestational hypertension or are suggested an induction next time I'm requesting a section, DH and I are in agreement.

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 21:27:20

Thanks elkie that does make sense.... Going to do a set of those now as I burp DS!!!

BinksToEnlightenment Thu 27-Dec-12 21:30:49

Bigkids - that's the reason why I won't swap back!

I don't know if it's a common thing because I haven't asked around. But it's like someone knocked my house down - but then built me my dream home in its place.

Allonsy Thu 27-Dec-12 21:32:48

Op ignore baby centre I read those posts to when I was freaking out at 12 weeks post partum I was convinced it wasn't going to get better and id need surgery and never enjoy sex again I kept saying to dh it's been 3 months!! But honestly all in time, ds is 15 months now and all is fine

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 21:36:39

Am feeling encouraged binks and bigkids in particular by your posts!!! A friend said the same but that her clitoris felt (terrifyingly) like it had vanished for a few months after birth...! shock

I swear to god if men had babies you'd get pelvic exercise machines and elective reconstructive surgety free on the NHS...

Fakebook Thu 27-Dec-12 21:39:37

9 weeks?! Holy crap. First baby I didn't have sex for 10 months. That was with a 2nd degree tear and stitches. Second baby (another 2nd degree tear), we did it once after 4 months and then started having regular sex after 6 months. It'll definitely get better. Just keep doing the exercises for a few months.

IAmNotAReindeer Thu 27-Dec-12 21:41:55

I'm not against C-sections. I have had both natural deliveries and sections just wanted you to be aware that both can have their drawbacks. That said I have a friend who hade a 3rd degree tear who is now having the same problems I had with my first section, so I suppose it can happen to anyone no matter which option you go with.

Zara1984 Thu 27-Dec-12 21:53:45

Definitely reindeer - that's why, as I said I reckon it's not a case I think of natural birth vs section - rather "pick your poison, both options suck.."

I didn't even post about my saggy deflated boobs... I hope they get better too! confused

Iatemyskinnyperson Thu 27-Dec-12 21:54:50

Don't you get free fanjo physio in France after childbirth?

I was in bits after ds1...episiotomy, ventouse etc. Scar was agony for a year. Ds2 was better, even tho I had 3rd degree tear, fanjo to bum. shock All told, it's like a patchwork quilt down there...

Anyway, recovery after ds2 was much easier, and I'm definately not left with residual looseness. Upshot is- take heart!! Things will improve!!

bigkidsdidit Thu 27-Dec-12 21:56:08

Binks - I think it is fairly common. Not unusual, anyway!

I bet this baby pushes it all back to the way it was hmm

Good luck OP. just keep on doing the exercises and relax about it.

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