DH spending our joint money on his DCs

(451 Posts)

I just want to post here to see if IABU before i tackle this with DH. I'm on mat leave atm receiving stat mat pay so things are tighter than usual. DH and I have a joint acc which we use for our DDs things (although if i'm buying her something not necessarily needed eg a new dress I'll use my own account. We put in an equal amount of money to the joint acc and i like to keep a buffer in there.

Xmas is coming and bearing in mind things are tight this year I've been so careful with buying for our dd. It's her first xmas and wont even notice that she has n't got stacks of gifts so i'm not bothered really but if i could i would have got her a few extra toys etc. I've bought her things with money from my own account and DH hasn't contributed to this.

Today i was checking our joint account online and its ALOT lower than I had expected. It turns out DH has been using the our joint account to buy his DDs bits and pieces eg among other things £30 spent in New Look and cash withdrawn here and there when he's been with them and almost £25 in mcds, all of which he told me about but I assumed it would be him paying out of his account, not ours. I know he's bought his DDs big xmas gifts this year that he said has left him short of money but now i'm stuck with hardly any money in the account to buy dd nappies and milk etc. and we were going to buy an xmas tree and a dd's first stocking.

It's not fair that he knows I'm not earning what I was and i'm going back to work in the new year but i was so careful and not done alot of things with dd that i would have liked to while ive been on mat leave and felt guilty about taking money from the joint account for 'fun' things and not bought any clothes for myself (I wouldn't spend £30 in New Look on myself atm as i wouldn't be able to justify it) and it just seems a bit unfair that just because he's low in his account he can just use our money to treat his dds which i would have no problem with if we could afford it but we can't.

So that was long! I guess i'm ranting and ordinarily i wouldn't mind him using our joint acc to pay for stuff for his dds as long as our dd was stocked in nappies and formula which i think are more important than a 10yo getting some leggings!

riverboat Sun 16-Dec-12 11:28:27

I was/am an only child who had/has parents who argue regularly in a very unpleasant way. As a child I thought that my parents getting divorced would be the worst thing in the world, and I wasnt keen on the idea of a sibling either. Now, as an adult my perspective is completely different. As I face another Xmas being constantly on edge waiting for the next argument to erupt from my parents...

My DSS of course sometimes wishes his parents were still together. But when he realises that means he wouldnt have his two sisters (really step sister and half sister but to him they are both just sisters) he concedes maybe its not such a perfect picture after all. He adores them both.

In brief, in my admitedly narrow experience, seperation and the creation of blended families can lead to a multiplication of love and loving relationships. And staying doggedly together in the name of what the child deserves can lead to that love constantly being chipped away at, narrowing instead of growing...

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