to not want to pay for my friend to have a party!?

(85 Posts)
charlmarascoxo Thu 06-Dec-12 19:16:34

Good friend of mine is having her first dc in less than 2 months. She has two older sisters who have decided to throw her party/baby shower as a surprise.

One good friend (who is also invited, she is going to Godmother) has forwarded on to me a text saying that the sister is asking for donations towards the food and decorations for the shower.

I found it rude that I wasn't asked by the sister herself and that I'm expected to contribute too as it sounds like its compulsory. If its not paid before the party then we should give her the money when we get there (shes hosting it at her house).

We were told that we didn't have to bring gifts if we didn't want to, but obviously I am going to get her a gift.

She is a good friend and I want her to have a good baby shower but why should I and all the guests be expected to pay for it?

AIBU?

DingDongErrorlyOnHigh Thu 06-Dec-12 23:15:23

I helped organise a baby shower with 2 friends and we shared the cost. 4 of the non-contributing invitees turned up (after already going to the pub first), ate loads of our prepared food, didn't seem that arsed about games, or getting to know anyone they didn't already know, and then left after an hour ish... to go on a night out. I'd say the person organising the one you're going to wants a bit of cash as a deposit, to ensure you that if you do this kind of thing as above, then you've at least invested some effort into it.

Me and me organiser friends felt quite disappointed that they saw the event as a halfway house between pubs, just for the free food. If it's a reasonable amount, say up to £5, I would pay up. But if you really feel uncomfortable doing this (as they want £10), then why not offer to help out in some other way, like setting up on the night.

Some of the women at the shower I was at didn't even bring presents, which I think defeats the object of the term 'shower', but that's none of my business, they might be waiting until baby arrives.

I remember your wedding dress thread OP, you sure do hang out with some weirdos... do you really want to go to this party?

VicarInaTutuDrankSantasSherry Thu 06-Dec-12 23:19:44

i wouldnt get so uptight about it OP - i dont get baby showers - i was invited to one recently and i declined, i didnt want to go.

i put into a collection for a gift.and was then asked to contribute a further £10 for vouchers for the shower. i just simply declined and said i had put in for the gift and couldnt really afford it. no biggie.

can you just not say "no thank you"? and forget it?

DingDongErrorlyOnHigh Thu 06-Dec-12 23:25:18

Reading back as well, maybe it was a mistakenly forwarded text like someone else said. To clarify about my situation, the 3 of us were perfectly happy to foot the entire cost, and we didn't want to ask anyone else for money (especially as we didn't know them), but if we'd known how they were going to behave, then we might have suggested it.

My last comment about the wedding dress thread wasn't meant to be sarcastic. Just think you should definitely consider whether or not you want to be in the company of people who have such warped ideas, I know you want to be there for your pregnant friend though so it's tricky. Also, how many people are going to the party? Say if it's 15, is it really going to cost £150 to put together? I'd want to enjoy the company of my friends, not bankrupt them. Think perhaps you should text back to clarify if this info is correct. Though somehow do it without sounding arsey!

expatinscotland Fri 07-Dec-12 18:06:21

'I helped organise a baby shower with 2 friends and we shared the cost. 4 of the non-contributing invitees turned up (after already going to the pub first), ate loads of our prepared food, didn't seem that arsed about games, or getting to know anyone they didn't already know, and then left after an hour ish... to go on a night out. I'd say the person organising the one you're going to wants a bit of cash as a deposit, to ensure you that if you do this kind of thing as above, then you've at least invested some effort into it.'

A deposit. For a party? For the love of Pete!

What next? Come to a dinner party, but I'm charging for it.

If the organisers can't afford to throw this lady a party then don't.

The cheek of people just gets worse and worse.

Pantofino Fri 07-Dec-12 19:05:55

I cannot imagine asking someone to my house for food or whatever, and then text them asking for a financial contribution. That being said Op said "sister is asking for donations towards the food and decorations for the shower. " Well the donation does not have to be cash does it. You could offer to buy a helium balloon or bake something and be polite, rather than causing a huge hoohah and drama about it,

SantaWearsGreen Fri 07-Dec-12 19:46:31

Its a bit weird asking imo.. I can't even imagine deciding to throw a surprise party for someone but only if the guests all chip in. Its just weird and rude too. I've never heard of anything like it. Your contribution is the gift for the mum and baby!

Baby showers suck anyway.

stifnstav Fri 07-Dec-12 22:04:14

So have you checked with the godmother or the organiser directly OP to see if every guest is expected to contribute?

DingDongErrorlyOnHigh Fri 07-Dec-12 23:13:44

expat I don't agree with organisers making guests put down a 'deposit' for a party they're hosting. It is pretty ridiculous and I hate asking people for money (especially if I don't know them.) Was just speculating that this could be the case in this situation.

Doitnicelyplease Sat 08-Dec-12 06:50:40

A common way to host baby showers in North America is to do them pot luck style so everyone brings a different dish to contribute to food, they are not really drinking occasions so just a few bottles of sparkling wine should do it.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to 'spoil ' the mum to be with a get together and a few gifts ( you just get them something now rather than later)

There is no reason for it too be grabby or particularly cost a lot, the hostess is out of order asking for money

Ponyinthepool Sat 08-Dec-12 09:30:45

If they'd set their stall out from the start ie. 'we're having a party and it's £10 per head' that would've been fine but to invite you first and hijack you for money later is completely off.

Suggest you go hungry and take a doggy bag for leftovers.. Please let us know what they feed you (anything less than a 10oz steak and you've been ripped off).

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