to not want to pay for my friend to have a party!?

(85 Posts)
charlmarascoxo Thu 06-Dec-12 19:16:34

Good friend of mine is having her first dc in less than 2 months. She has two older sisters who have decided to throw her party/baby shower as a surprise.

One good friend (who is also invited, she is going to Godmother) has forwarded on to me a text saying that the sister is asking for donations towards the food and decorations for the shower.

I found it rude that I wasn't asked by the sister herself and that I'm expected to contribute too as it sounds like its compulsory. If its not paid before the party then we should give her the money when we get there (shes hosting it at her house).

We were told that we didn't have to bring gifts if we didn't want to, but obviously I am going to get her a gift.

She is a good friend and I want her to have a good baby shower but why should I and all the guests be expected to pay for it?

AIBU?

simplesusan Thu 06-Dec-12 20:42:47

I think asking for £10 is too greedy.
Surely it is not a full 3 course meal?
The sister shouldn't be hosting if she isn't prepared to put up a few nibbles. I do think guests should take something to drink but the whole "baby shower" thing makes my toes curl tbh.

charlmarascoxo Thu 06-Dec-12 20:54:47

icclebabyjesusheave grow up much?

I am going to pay. I just think its rude to ask for money for an event. If you had friends over to your house for your birthday would you charge them for coming? No.

I also never once said I would refuse to go.

expatinscotland Thu 06-Dec-12 20:55:52

Decline the invite.

StickEmUp Thu 06-Dec-12 20:58:06

It is rude and very tasteless.
I had a party this year, i paid the whole £700 myself!
Ha

WelshMaenad Thu 06-Dec-12 20:58:24

Fucking hell, if the MN jury say pay-to-party is ok, I missed a fucking trick with my wedding! £100 per guest would have covered it all. [damnation]

kennyp Thu 06-Dec-12 21:01:57

i think it is bloody rude. it sounds like something the real housewives of ny would do ... but not the real housewives/mutha to be wives of england.

if you host you pay. if you attend you enjoy. etiquette a go go at high noon

musttidyupBeforeSantaComes Thu 06-Dec-12 21:04:15

YANBU. Rude rude rude. Bloody cheek of the woman.

expatinscotland Thu 06-Dec-12 21:06:02

'My other friend did not pay as she had no money on her but she got a text the next day reminding her that she owed a fiver! '

I'd have ignored it and if she texted again I'd have told her to quit piss taking.

expatinscotland Thu 06-Dec-12 21:07:23

Why are you going to pay? Do you have the word 'Mug' tattoo'd across your forehead? You're surrounded by rude, grabby people because you don't tell them to go boil their heads in one way or another. Just say, 'No, thanks.'

LaCiccolina Thu 06-Dec-12 21:07:49

Lost here! Surely a baby shower is very similar to a hen do? The bride pays for herself but hens treat/pay for selves....

Therefore at a baby shower whys it weird to chip in for a buffet? Decorations?

Yabvu. And not a little blinkered.

charlmarascoxo Thu 06-Dec-12 21:14:07

LaCiccolina yes but a hen do would typically be a dinner, drinks, day at a spar etc so yes obviously if you attended a hen do you would pay.

If someone had a hen do at their house then I would at the very least bring a bottle, I wouldn't give them money for it.

This is a baby shower and it's hosted at someones house, where you are suppose to 'shower' the new mum to be with gifts.

I think you are the one that is blinkered.

Lavenderhoney Thu 06-Dec-12 21:15:08

Say you can't make ( siffle, cough) but you will pop round next week with the gift. Have a great time, ladies!!

Don't do this to yourself.

vigglewiggle Thu 06-Dec-12 21:20:24

I think the problem is that Babyshowers are a crass American import new thing - so we don't really know how to do them!

I am presuming from watching Friends that it is a daytime affair with a few sandwiches, tea and perhaps a piece of cake. Why on earth would that cost £10?

MummytoKatie Thu 06-Dec-12 21:23:03

Could you reply and say

"Actually I was planning on bringing a bottle and making some yummy chocolate brownie. Much nicer that we all bring a bit than give you the money and you get stuck with all the work! Let me know if any probs."

Personally I'd just think "cheapskate" and pay the £10 and be pleased I didn't have the hassle of baking but that is me being a lazy (comfortably off) slattern!

ArtexTheHallWithBoughsOfMonkey Thu 06-Dec-12 21:23:52

Oh it's you with the wedding dress and the rude restaurant woman and the old woman who gave you the finger and the friend who told you not to call your dh baby and the weird Facebook woman.

I'd been wondering how you'd been getting on. How are you? Ready for Christmas?

GoldQuintessenceAndMyhrr Thu 06-Dec-12 21:26:11

Does not this defeat the entire purpose of a baby shower?

Invite people to a baby shower, saying pay me entrance, never mind about a present for baby? confused The mind boggles.

This woman have NO interest in the baby, she just wants her sisters friends to pay for a party, and "forget the baby".

I would decline for this reason, and bring my friend a generous baby gift later.

LaCiccolina Thu 06-Dec-12 21:26:53

Nope still doesn't make sense. I really don't think u get baby showers, an American invention.... Can't stand them myself, i just had friends visit once dd was born, but have been to a few and us as friends chipped in for balloons, decs, small Iceland type buffet/cakes (nothing fancy) and brought a gift each.

Pretty much same as hen do's, I've bought decs, food, wine, a gift and chipped in for 'entertainment'.

Same principle it strikes me if a bit US, treating a mate entering a new phase in life?

LaCiccolina Thu 06-Dec-12 21:28:43

Essentially gold, that's the closest description! smile

vigglewiggle Thu 06-Dec-12 21:28:52

Artex are you implying the Op is a curmudgeon? wink

charlmarascoxo Thu 06-Dec-12 21:30:51

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LaCiccolina Thu 06-Dec-12 21:33:23

Quite a few of our crowd are US which might explain different views?

Best hen we had was just in a hotel room we paid for and decorated very camply. Cost me £100, room and decs and in room entertainment (ahem!) was 8 of us and it was wonderfully debauched.

Showers are similar, just touch cleaner.

Viviennemary Thu 06-Dec-12 21:37:58

I'd feel that it was a bit cheeky asking you for money. I think the family should arrange the party and pay for it. Don't know what I'd do in this situation. I might just pay up but if I felt strongly I'd say I couldn't make the party and just give a present.

ArtexTheHallWithBoughsOfMonkey Thu 06-Dec-12 21:39:02

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charlmarascoxo Thu 06-Dec-12 21:40:34

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stifnstav Thu 06-Dec-12 21:42:25

Oh dear. Bitter sad people with no lives, but you want their advice anyway.

Ahem!

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