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to be concerned over DS' dads partner ? - Witchcraft

(105 Posts)
Katie08 Wed 05-Dec-12 16:01:46

H and I divorced 5 years ago, amicable split and he had our DS 50:50 split with me.

He works full time and his mum will collect DS on a Monday from school however he has now informed me that his new gf will be collecting DS. He has met her online and she's been staying with them for about 2 week now but has pretty much moved in full time. My DS has come back twice this week now saying "He'll cast a spell on people he doesn't like" hmm

I thought nothing more off it until he asked me this afternoon for a set of robes. I asked a few more questions about why he wants this and was told XW has said I need some if I am join in with her ceremonies.

I'm a active member of the Methodist church and DS is christened, we attend each week. H used to attend but his faith is his business.

I've spoken to him this afternoon to find out what's been going on, he's told me his New gf is a witch, is an active member and he's interested in it a bit now as well. When I asked what DS has been involved in he said he thinks his gf ha probably done a few ceremonies and spells with him and what's the harm ?

Am I being unreasonable to ask that DS is NOT to be involved in this ? It makes me really uncomfortable. DS is 8 and very impressionable.

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Thu 06-Dec-12 20:17:25

Big Bird is right in that there is not much that can be done legally to put the brakes on this woman's behaviour unless there is evidence of it being harmful (eg, she wanted to extend her 'religious instruction' to the point of giving him drugs or something). That's why I asked, as well, whether the child's father is at all likely to listen to the OP's concerns.

EldritchCleavage Thu 06-Dec-12 13:47:42

That her religion is Wicca isn't the issue.

The fact that she has only been on the scene 30 seconds and is already trying to influence DS's beliefs (as well as, let's face it, in all probability engaging in a power struggle with his observant Christian mother), is the issue.

And telling an 8 year old you barely know to call you 'Mama' is bonkers and irresponsible.

Is there any prospect of meeting your ex, just the two of you, to ask him gently to put the brakes on what this woman is doing with your DS?

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 12:32:47

I certainly would find a way

AndABigBirdInaPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 10:36:01

How can you limit contact if the child is in dad's care during that time? They have a 50:50 split.

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 10:24:33

I think that she can, this woman sounds quite dangerous, not te witchcraft but trying to influence a chid she bearly knows. Would be limiting contact then I this continues. Noway would I be happy with that, and allow a stranger who does not sound quite right to be so influential

AndABigBirdInaPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 09:46:59

Concerned yes, but you can't dictate how the other parent parents. Well you can try, but unless there is a good amount of goodwill between you and the other parent thinks you are being reasonable then the only thing that is likely to have the effect you want is take it to the courts and I doubt very much that the courts would do anything unless this women is a known and proven danger. A parent is allowed to make a judgement about who spends time with their child, a parent is allowed to expose their child to religious education (which this could be argued it is and no different in some ways to a sunday school teacher a child has met five times)

Yeah I would be quite mad, but honestly what is she going to do about it except make demands that the OP is not legally obliged to follow or shout a bunch.

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 08:24:13

AndAbig wong! It is op concern that her child is being looked after by a stranger that her ex has inly known 5 mind at times, and that this stronger is encouraging her ds to call her mamma wft! It is concerning that a stranger is given by her ex such a big influence on her child and responsibility. Od course it's ops business, that's her chid too. What op sould justout up and shut uo then, as ex is looking after their child. What if te partner has abusive tenspdencies, should op just be quiet. Op has every right to be concerned that a stranger which her ex has known dp for incredibly short times is given a lot of responsibility for their child

AndABigBirdInaPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 06:16:42

sorry, not sure if I was completely clear on what I meant.

Do you want to have to clear it with your ex if you decide that your best friend is going to collect DS from school? If DS makes a new friend and wants to go home for tea with him do you want to have to introduce his mum or dad to your ex before you are allowed to pick him up? Or if you are stuck at work and your friend offers to grab your son from school. Because that is what you are saying if you want veto power over ex's girlfriend picking him up.

Do you want to have to have ex's approval in order to take him to church? Do you want ex to have a say in when you decide to move in with a new partner. I mean seriously, not knee jerk, do you really want to let ex have veto over you moving in with someone and let him decide if he thinks it has been long enough?

I get that you are pissed and ex is acting like a lust-sick plonker and girlfriend seems to seriously have some issues about taking over, but legally don't expect something that you would not be ok with doing in reverse and frankly if I were divorced (no matter how amicably) I would not want my ex having a relevant opinion on such matters.

AndABigBirdInaPearTree Thu 06-Dec-12 06:04:09

YABU WRT who your ex is seeing and what he exposes DS to (so long as it isn't considered abusive or illegal). You gave up control of those things when he became your ex. If you want to be able to meet people, have people to stay, allow others to collect DS from school and share things that are important to you then you have to allow his father to do the same.

YANBU to disapprove or refuse to enable it in any way such as buying robes. If they want him to have robes then they should buy them.

sashh Thu 06-Dec-12 05:37:15

What if her beliefs involve child sacrifice? Sorry - had to put that out there!

Like Abraham?

pigletmania Thu 06-Dec-12 00:24:15

YANBU your ex has barely known this woman 5 mins and she is picking your dd up from school, doing ceremonies, trying to get your ddto call her mummy. Sorry that would not be right with me and I would be livid at my Ex, fr allowing a stranger so close to my child

SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh Thu 06-Dec-12 00:16:31

Anyone who starts introducing their own brand of superstition so evangelically into the life of an 8-year-old they barely know is a bit of a nutjob. But it fits in with someone who seems to be trying to introduce herself very forcibly into her partner's child's life - another nutjob indicator.

How reasonable is your child's father? Is he the sort who will allow anything from a woman he's shaghappy about, is he a superstitious dingbat who's likely to consider some dippy woo-peddler to be Really Special?

Though, to be fair, if it was him who had suddenly discovered a new superstition and was madly keen to inflict it on the child, the courts would probably regard it as permissible given that he's DS' father and therefore entitled to give him 'religious instruction' at least up to the point of harm.

StuntGirl Thu 06-Dec-12 00:04:46

The religion aspect is completely irrelevant.

The interjecting herself in your son's life is wholly relevant.

Sort that bit out.

interesting link you put there nipersvest grin

QuacksForDoughnuts Wed 05-Dec-12 22:37:19

YWBU to worry purely about the gf's religion. But the difference between a pagan or wiccan who acts responsibly and sticks with the threefold rule and a woman who threatens to cast spells on her enemies in front of her boyfriend's child who she hardly knows could be the difference between you/any other average Christian and a member of Children of God or the Branch Davidians. Ok, I'm exaggerating a bit, but YANBU to object to the malicious casting of spells, let alone an adult introducing someone else's child to the concept. Are you sure, however, that he hasn't picked it up somewhere else? Does he read Harry Potter or the Worst Witch books?

nipersvest Wed 05-Dec-12 21:54:57

i'm confused. in your op, it says you are a practicing methodist, but here you say you're an atheist?

Pantofino Wed 05-Dec-12 21:52:47

Also op, you mention new GF then it is XW who is doing the ceremonies? As I said, I have an 8 yo - they are very switched on. I am surprised that yours did not ask any questions about it all. Mine never shuts up - what is a womb? what happens when you die? who discovered the great white shark? who is your favourite member of One Direction?

lovebunny Wed 05-Dec-12 21:38:57

i do think this is potential harmful. put a stop to access visits other than supervised in your home. go to court if necessary. when he's an adult he can choose to take part in non-orthodox ceremonies if he wishes but right now you are responsible for him and a watch or love-feast should be the extent of his excitement in religious matters.

Hi Olivia smile

OliviaPeaceOnMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 05-Dec-12 21:23:00

ahem
Peace on Earth

bradyismyfavouritewiseman Wed 05-Dec-12 21:15:59

Iam Christian as is OP

Actually, turns out that the OP isn't

NolittleBuddahsorTigerMomshere Wed 05-Dec-12 21:13:17

Iam Christian as is OP Welshmeanad That is very offensive:

As a religion, it's far less harmful than any strain of Christianity. YABU. Feel free to educate yourself before being judgemental.

You are entiltled to your view but you need to explain why you think this, as OP has.

bradyismyfavouritewiseman Wed 05-Dec-12 21:11:50

Best go get my hat out too!

ArtexTheHallWithBoughsOfMonkey Wed 05-Dec-12 21:10:28

Is like a Gandalf type hat Hearts?

FrankincenseWippery Wed 05-Dec-12 21:07:16

Yes Hearts, I'd pop it on now. School hols coming up so there'll be plenty more!

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