Actually, I think my sis is being selfish and unreasonable

(142 Posts)
BerylStreep Mon 19-Nov-12 18:29:05

My Mum who is retired and lives on her own is really unwell. She has been hospitalised, and has since been discharged, but still very poorly, while she waits for a procedure which she will be in about 3 or 4 months time.

Me and 2 other siblings have been caring for Mum since she became ill about 6 weeks ago - calling every day to prepare meals, do dishes, laundry, shopping, make cups of tea, have a chat etc. Even when she was in hospital there was a fair amount in terms of laundry, visits etc. We all have DC, jobs etc, but it is no problem to do it as we are all really worried about Mum. Another sibling has even flown home from abroad to help out.

Mum is finding it really hard to get up and down stairs - thank goodness she installed a downstairs bathroom a couple of years ago. Yesterday she said she was thinking of buying a 3 seater sofa so that if she is too unwell to go up to bed, she can stretch out on a longer sofa and sleep on it (she only has a 2 seater sofa at the moment).

We have a further sibling, the baby of the family, who works abroad - let's call her Barbara. She is single with no DC. She moved out of her flat here about 8 years ago, and moved abroad to study, and now works abroad - it is unlikely she will ever return to live here. She has used 2 of the bedrooms in my Mum's house to store her furniture and possessions since then, making these 2 rooms unusable, but Mum doesn't mind.

When Mum said yesterday about buying a sofa, I immediately thought of Barbara's 3 seater sofa which has been in one of the bedrooms for the last 8 years. This would be a perfect solution, as Mum isn't even well enough to go shopping for a sofa, doesn't really have the income to be able to afford it (would be using savings), and probably only needs to use it for about 6 months until she has had her procedure and recovered. I suggested this to Mum, who said she would ask Barbara.

So today I was speaking to one of my siblings, who told me Mum had asked Barbara if she would be able to use her sofa. Mum had given assurances that she would care for it, use throws etc. Barbara has said no, she doesn't want Mum to use it.

[Mouth hangs open] Un-fucking-believable. So, is she being unreasonable?

nilbyname Tue 20-Nov-12 07:41:17

Good for you! Move that sofa!!

Isityouorme Tue 20-Nov-12 08:18:30

Move that sofa ..... Move that sofa ......!!!!

AmberLeaf Tue 20-Nov-12 08:26:18

I echo what Frumpet said, are you sure your Mum actually asked Barbara?

IvanaHumpalotCountDracula Tue 20-Nov-12 10:13:05

Send Babs an email, copying in your other siblings. That way you can control what you say (no flustered arguments) and as you've copied in the others no one can claim "he said, she said".

cees Tue 20-Nov-12 10:27:11

If this were my sister then I would have rang and fucked her off from a height if she dare be so cruel to my sick mum, who is storing her crap for the last 8 yrs.

Your mum is sick what is wrong with your sister, that is just so mean of her.

AlienRefluxLooksLikeSnow Tue 20-Nov-12 10:31:12

Sorry your Mum is so ill beryl does your sister even give a flying one?
You must speak to her, (after you've moved the fucking sofa BTW) fair enough she is abroad, so doesn't care for your Mum, but this is the one thing she has been asked to do, and she has refused, you need to tell her how out of order she's being.
Your poor Mum must have been gutted when she said no to her?

SlightlySuperiorPeasant Tue 20-Nov-12 10:46:22

I'd just use it anyway.

sleepyhead Tue 20-Nov-12 10:57:52

Wow. Just wow.

To be honest, it wouldn't have occurred to me to ask in that situation.

lisianthus Tue 20-Nov-12 11:18:11

Completely incredible. Deffo call her to make it absolutely clear how sick your mother is. Your mother could quite possibly have completely understated how she is to avoid worrying Barbara, if your mother is anything like mine. Although even then, Barbara would STILL ve massively U after having stored it with your mother for 8 years.

Then read her the riot act.

scarletforya Tue 20-Nov-12 11:27:04

Oh my God, what a selfish b**ch !!!! shock

I would go to some storage companies and get quotes for the cost of storing however many cubic metres of stuff is in your Mothers rooms. Then I would email the brat with those quotes and a strongly worded mail tearing a few strips off her explaining what a bloody disgrace she is.

Unbelievable.

shesariver Tue 20-Nov-12 11:47:58

I second all these suggestions but realistically if your Mum is the way she is then you wont will you, although I would just go ahead and use it anyway. Barbara sounds as if she is used to getting her own way and has little if any thought to others feelings. There is no need for you to feel bad but your sister sounds like a real nasty piece of work, its horrible really.

Plomino Tue 20-Nov-12 12:46:31

Personally , I would ring Barbara myself , just to hear her say the words from her own mouth . Then , if she still refused , I'd be telling her her fortune .

And at Xmas , her card would have a picture of all her belongings on the drive . Decked in tinsel .

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Tue 20-Nov-12 12:53:30

Please tell you've spoken to Barbara and it was a misunderstanding and your mum is comfy on your sister's sofa.

Wow .... just, wow. I cannot imagine why anyone would be so unkind. I second the idea of a blunt and frank email explaining exactly how ill your dmum is, and how much difference the use of the sofa would make to her. Plus pointing out how much your sister has saved over the years because your mother has kindly stored all her furniture, and how letting her use the sofa is the least your sister can do in return. And letting her know how much she will be expected to do over christmas - no 'Mum's Hotel'.

shesariver Tue 20-Nov-12 16:28:42

I like plominos suggestion grin

MistressIggi Tue 20-Nov-12 17:38:06

I pay over £80 a month for a storage room the size of a box bedroom.
Would be sad if there was a flood in the OP's DM's house this winter, wouldn't it..

Nux Tue 20-Nov-12 17:52:16

I am so keen for an update - any news OP?

pointythings Tue 20-Nov-12 18:06:35

£80/month, multiplied by 12, multiplied by 10 = £9200.

Send Barbara a sodding bill. Charge interest. Get your mum a fabulous sofa and a private doc. Bloody hell!

hygienequeen Tue 20-Nov-12 19:30:59

thanks for your Mum and wine for you !

BerylStreep Tue 20-Nov-12 20:00:43

Well I spent the day round at Mum's today, and I discussed it with my other sister who was there when the phone call was made. She had actually already phoned Barbara the day before and had asked, and Barbara sounded quite hungover and grumpy, and she said she would phone Mum and discuss it directly.

So apparently the conversation went along the lines of Barbara saying to Mum that the sofa reminded her of a particular era in her life, and because of that she didn't want it used. She offered to make a contribution towards a new sofa for mum (although that wouldn't be likely to be more than £100 or so).

My sister has said she will speak to Barbara and tell her how disappointed she is at her behaviour, but thinks there is no point getting annoyed about it because it will only upset Mum, especially when she is unwell. There's no way Mum will tell her to clear her stuff, or charge her for storage.

She's such a selfish arse.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Tue 20-Nov-12 20:22:04

FFA it's an eight year old sofa! Your sister is a twat and I hope you tel her so! She has filled two rooms of your mothers house with shite for EIGHT YEARS, just because she can't part with old memories??!! Your mum could rent those rooms out I exchange for help in the house!

ivanapoo Tue 20-Nov-12 20:23:10

The sofa reminded her of a particular era of her life?

Was that the era when she wasn't being a total arsewipe of a daughter?

So angry on your behalf OP...

catsmother Tue 20-Nov-12 20:23:16

Oh FFS. What bloody difference would it make to Beastly Babs if your mum used her sofa ?!

The one that's been gathering dust for 8 years ...

If that selfish spoilt brat had any sort of heart she'd tell your mum she couldn't use the wretched thing because sleeping on a sofa that isn't a sofa bed probably wouldn't be very comfortable long term, but "tell you what mum, I'll order you a brand new sofa bed online so you have something decent and supportive to rest on when you need to" and "no, don't try to talk me out of it, I want to do it to say thanks for storing all my things all this time".

Quite obviously she's not going to do anything like that and frankly, after 8 years I think she's relinquished any "rights" over the thing. I personally think you and your sister should move the sofa regardless (unless you can get a decent sofa bed ?) - it is absolutely ridiculous and spitefully petty that Brattish Barb is vetoing this. It seems your mum is nervous of "upsetting" her ..... maybe it's time the rest of you put a verbal rocket up Barbie's bum and told her this is what's happening - for the sake of your mum's health. I think you'd be justified in laying on the emotional blackmail very thickly indeed and telling this brat that if she had any compassion she'd call your mum up and apologise for her pathetic attitude and allow the sofa's use. Don't pussy foot around her - she deserves to be blasted.

nilbyname Tue 20-Nov-12 20:32:07

Oh dear, look at that, red wine spilt all over the sofa, and I didn't even notice, no for ages....

Oh bugger, I left a manky old clothe on the sofa, I think it might have gone mouldy, oh no....

Shit! That bloody dog got in there after a wet muddy walk and has been asleep on the sofa for ages!

Tee hee hee....I would for shiz!

FromEsme Tue 20-Nov-12 20:42:23

What a shit excuse.

I am furious on your and your mother's behalf.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now