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Aibu to think men never truly Grow Up?!!!

(129 Posts)

Having a dh that must have what HE wants, when HE wants and if HE doesn't get it he stomps his feets & sulks for days!!!
HE has to have the latest game/console/chair etc, etc even before i have finished my christmas shopping and then today he's told me HE expects a £300 gaming chair if he gets a job!!-WTAF is wrong with his self entitled arse?
Apparently i have welshed on 'OUR' deal as i said he could have it 'ages' ago apparently-(not realising he meant a £300 one, i thought he meant a cheapo one)!
So he is basing his enthusiasium on maybe getting a job for a fucking gaming chair.
Aibu to think he should grow the fuck up?, especially as it will be a mw job and we won't be able to afford it?

Fairenuff Fri 16-Nov-12 19:55:25

I think that's it really MORCAP. Kindness. Thoughtful actions. Showing that you actually want to be with each other through what you say and do. It becomes so ingrained in daily life that it's no effort at all really, just to do something nice for someone else.

I think it helps if you look at it this way. Are you only excusing his behaviour because he is male? If so, that is something that has been doctrined into you probably all your life. If a woman behaved like this to her husband would it seem worse, inexcusable?

Girls are often trained, by observing their parents relationship, to believe that men need 'mothering' by their wives. Boys are trained to think the same. I have a colleague who has been married for 25 years and her dh has never, ever cooked a single meal. If she is not around he eats out or gets takeaway.

This is acceptable to her. It would not be acceptable to me. I would resent doing all the cooking for the family every day, without any of them ever cooking for me. So it's up to each individual to decide what is acceptable to them and what isn't.

Hope you're ok and not too overwhelmed by all the responses. There is a lot of help and good advice here if you ask for it.

TiggyD Fri 16-Nov-12 16:41:43

Men are fandabbydozy!

Apart from some, such as the OPs. Get rid of him, or hope that a passing millionaire will suddenly need the services of a great video gamer and offer him loads of money for his gaming skills.

DontmindifIdo Fri 16-Nov-12 15:01:35

Check out the financial situation if you throw him out. Then do it.

Thing is with these sweeping generalisations, is while the OP might agree that not all men are big children, a lot of woman think that a large enough percentage are so they have to put up with this sort of shit. OP, your DH is in the minority. You can execpt adult behaviour from an adult male as well as from an adult female. Do'nt bother with ones that need you to be the 'grown up'.

paulrn Fri 16-Nov-12 14:27:24

iWeb do grow up eventually, we'll mostly I have finally understood the difference between being childish and the occasional endearing childlike

Trills Fri 16-Nov-12 13:08:47

It's not just the OP, plenty of people seem to have a very biased view of "men".

I agree with AnyFucker - what are you getting out of this relationship?

AnyFucker Fri 16-Nov-12 12:44:47

Give op a break now guys, eh?

givemeaclue Fri 16-Nov-12 12:42:01

It is the op who made the sweeping generalisations in her thread title

AnyFucker Fri 16-Nov-12 12:37:05

Op, I hope you are ok
You are having a proper shitty time of it. Sounds like this man-child doesn't add much to your life.

Have you considered that your life would probably improve without this dead weight dragging you down?

RebeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 16-Nov-12 12:24:53

Hi all,

We have no problem with folks venting but can we please ask folks to avoid OTT sweeping insulting generalisations about all men as group.

peace and love

MakeItALarge Fri 16-Nov-12 10:52:33

Op my dh and I both work, so no major money problems. If I spent £300 on him so close to xmas he would be pissed off Id spent money that could have been used for our dc to give them a lovely xmas day, not just presents but days out and treats.

I take it your oh is spending that much on each of your dc this xmas? Or does he put his own wants first?

RubyGates Fri 16-Nov-12 10:51:09

Hang on, is this the same OH whose mummy didn't want to let him go, and who thought he you'd be better living with her?

Archetypal Mummy's Boy behaviour. I'd delover him back to his Mother, and tell her you only want him back when she's turned him into an adult.

Chandon Fri 16-Nov-12 10:28:56

Yabu,

Hate to tell you this but lots of men are NOT like this.

The problem is not with " men", the problem is this specific one man.

steppemum Fri 16-Nov-12 10:23:48

I am pretty annoyed by this thread title and the whole premises of this thread actually

I treat the men in my life as adults,and they treat me as an adult. This whole 'men never grow up' is like saying 'all women like cooking and cleaning'

I choose male and female friends based on their character not their gender.

OTOH I feel very sorry for you op with this man, he is obviously not taking his responsibilities seriously. Yes he can change if he wants to. He needs a wake up call
Show him this thread

givemeaclue Fri 16-Nov-12 10:00:43

An unemployed gamer...what a catch

givemeaclue Fri 16-Nov-12 09:59:24

Some men don't grow up. My advice is, don't marry those ones. Marry the capable, caring unselfis ones who are great partners, dads and husbands. Why would you marry a child?

All the men I know are very much grown ups. Sounds like you picked a loser.

Trills Fri 16-Nov-12 09:55:34

Fair enough.

niceguy2 Fri 16-Nov-12 09:50:33

I'm not seeking to excuse his behaviour. Just wondered how he's picked up such a spoilt attitude that's all. We are all to a certain extent the product of our upbringing. If he's been treated like a teenager all his life then you can't be surprised when he acts like one.

He's still responsible for his own appalling behaviour though.

Trills Fri 16-Nov-12 09:45:27

He is an adult.

No matter how rubbish his parents were or how much he was indulged he should be able to realise that the universe does not revolve around him.

niceguy2 Fri 16-Nov-12 09:44:10

Genuine question here. But what is his relationship like with his parents? Did they completely fail to teach him the concept of personal responsibility?

Men like this piss me off no end. He needs to fucking grow a set of balls and MAN THE FUCK UP.

£300 on a gaming chair!?!?! Seriously!?! I used to be a serious gamer and never once felt the need to spend that much on a chair.....a computer maybe....not a damn chair!

He sounds like a goddamn toddler. Personally i'd sit him on the naughty step.

I don't think my 11yr old DS would behave like that. Come to think of it, don't think my 5yr would either if I told him we couldn't afford it.

Trills Fri 16-Nov-12 09:44:09

YABU to think "men never truly grow up" unless you agree that the same is true of women.

Why not post in Relationships for advice, rather than making sweeping generalisations about half of the human race?

Does it make you feel better to think that all men are like this, because then your relationship is normal? Well sorry, they aren't, and it isn't. But this is actually GOOD NEWS because you don't have to put up with this shit if you don't want to.

I said upthread that i realise not all men are like this, just having a hard time and needed a rant.
I'm sorry if the thread title upset anyone.

Narked Fri 16-Nov-12 09:39:26

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this at such an awful time for you.

It's not men generally though, as I think you know. It's him.

diddl Fri 16-Nov-12 09:32:18

TPF-that´s fine. Just don´t stamp your feetwink

MoreBeta Fri 16-Nov-12 09:22:46

Its true. Some men never grow up. They are very annoying to be around - even to other men.

Having a tantrum and a sulk over a gaming chair!!!? hmm

ihavenofuckingclue Fri 16-Nov-12 09:19:44

OP your dh is a spolit selfish twat. Not all dhs are like that.

doesn't mean all men are.
TPF please di. Would love someone to join me.

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