what do you remember most about weddings

(72 Posts)
Bumblequeen Mon 05-Nov-12 09:42:48

My friend is planning her wedding and due to inviting a large number of guests is planning a hot buffet rather than a sit down meal. She is worried guests will comment that it is not classy enough.

I have assured her that guests care about food, drink and how beautiful the bride looks.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Wed 07-Nov-12 00:42:19

Do most people really enjoy attending weddings, judging by the threads on here so many people feel they have to attend out of 'duty'

Absolutely love'em (great chance to catch up with people I haven't seen for ages and meet interesting new ones- yes, I am that person who is slightly disappointed if I'm seated next to DH at dinner as it reduces my chat with "random" quota grin), However, I usually go to ones that meet the criteria you mention later.

Jusfloatingby Tue 06-Nov-12 12:39:31

Don't try and be creative with the seating plan. People like to be put sitting with people they know well; not spend the entire meal making small talk with the groom's parents' next door neighbours.

Personally I hate the 'stagey' parts of weddings eg everyone standing up and clapping when the bride and groom enter the dining room or doves being released or all that stuff.

MoetEtPantsOn Tue 06-Nov-12 08:59:15

I hate a dress code. We had to go to one once where it was 35 degrees, entirely standard for that location in that season and the dress code was black tie

I don't mind a buffet so long as it's refreshed and the last table doesn't end up with a couple of spoonfuls of cold potatoes each. I do think it's a bit difficult in a big wedding, eg where the top table are off to get their main course as you are just sitting down for your starter. Wouldn't say I've thought about that after a wedding though. Just didn't like it much during.

Also not great to do a playlist on an iPod IMO. Means there's no one to judge the mood. Have seen a few parties crash and burn that way.

FreudianLisp Tue 06-Nov-12 08:38:45

Things I remember in a good way:-
Anything quirky and original or home-made that clearly hasn't been inspired by a wedding magazine.
An original venue.

I love a wedding! May change my tune by this time next year though - dh and I have been invited to five confused

Ragwort Tue 06-Nov-12 08:24:25

Do most people really enjoy attending weddings, judging by the threads on here so many people feel they have to attend out of 'duty' grin.

I think hot buffets are a great idea - providing they are 'managed' properly and the food is plentiful (and hot) - so much better than the dreary three course meal with bland chicken and tasteless vegetables. As someone else said, so many weddings are so 'similar'.

Please don't keep your guests hanging around whilst you take zillions of photographs, don't charge for drinks, don't ask for money, don't say 'no children' and then put me on the table with relatives' children that were invited angry, don't have a tedious evening disco with the 'B list guest invited' - if fact why do weddings drag on for so long these days.

Actually, I never want to be invited to another wedding in my life grin.

Great idea to have a buffet, as long as the quality of the food is good.

Just a tip - get her to ask the venue to call a table up at a time, much nicer than a loooooooonnng queue.

CMOTDibbler Tue 06-Nov-12 08:15:56

I'm happy with a buffet - but hate queuing (have at least two lines), and if you have elderly/frail relatives you do have to make sure that someone sorts them out, and that dishes are clearly labelled.

If there will be a big gap between when people could have reasonably eaten (think about travel time and where they are coming from) and the meal, then canapes are a must - but please don't forget those with food requirements and children in those, as often the canapes are all gluten and dairy, many times all meat/fish.

Plenty of chairs during waiting around times.

TwitchyTail Tue 06-Nov-12 07:29:10

Things I care about:

Food
Drink (not necessarily alcoholic - just enough soft drinks and not having to pay for water!)
Easy parking
Warm and comfortable, somewhere to sit
Not being made to wait around endlessly
The music not being so loud I can't hear myself think

Things I don't care about:

How beautiful or otherwise the bride looks
Favours
Flowers
Decorations

Buffets are great, love them. But then I love any food as long as it's plentiful and good.

lovebunny Tue 06-Nov-12 06:44:37

memories of other people's (ie not mine, or daughter's) weddings:

wearing uncomfortable clothes
waiting around for hours while other people do something of no interest to me
having to endure a mock-social event afterwards.

what can people do to promote happy memories?

watch the pace - no delays
good food and a comfortable environment

justbogoffnow Tue 06-Nov-12 03:25:30

Ones where children invited more relaxed and informal, however formal the surroundings.
Plenty of food, drinks (soft and alcoholic).

But....I don't particularly enjoy attending them unless very close family. Much prefer birthday parties.

sashh Tue 06-Nov-12 02:50:32

Buffet when 100 people have to queue one by one, so by the time you get there it's cold and there's nothing much left.

I've just remembered the last wedding buffet I went to the staff announced the buffet would be available table by table and then they told you when it was your turn. It worked really well.

VenetiaLanyon Mon 05-Nov-12 13:08:03

Prefer a sit-down do myself - feels like more of a treat, and also more of an opportunity to chat and drink smile. And wedding queues can be very long, especially if you've already queued for a line-up.

But as long as the food is good, then that's what really matters. Would rather have lovely buffet than rubbish sit-down affair.

Can be gutting, however, when the most popular pudding has already gone by the time you finally get to the front of the queue...

Jusfloatingby Mon 05-Nov-12 12:51:35

A lot of it LRDthefeministdragon is part of the 'bridezilla' culture that's sprung up in recent years.

'Its our special day so it all revolves around us and the guests are just there to ooh and aah and admire our specialness and make us feel soo special'.

I know its nice to be asked to weddings but the guests are often doing you a favour as well. The reality often is:

Your cousin's husband keeps giving out and asking if they have to go because he hates weddings.

Your next door neighbour has spent her last four lunch hours traipsing around the shops looking for an outfit she knows she will never wear again.

Your mother's best friend is only going because she's known your mother for 30 years, but would secretly rather be at home in her slippers watching Strictly Come Dancing

Your Aunt Doris and Uncle Joe spend the car journey debating whether it would look 'odd' if they disappeared after the meal because they can't stand the thought of 4 hours of shouting over loud music.

An awful lot of the guests really put themselves out to attend the wedding so a bit of consideration from the bride and groom wouldn't go amiss.

ENormaSnob Mon 05-Nov-12 12:47:21

Bad bits of recent weddings...

Too little food.
Appalling evening buffet.
No pudding/sweet option on the buffet.
No drinks at all, not even to toast.
Freezing cold room.
Too much waiting about.
Cash requests, especially when presented as a poem.
Reception miles from the ceremony.

Good experiences...

Great food, not posh but hot decent tasty food.
Wine with the meal.
No waiting about for food.
Decent pudding.
Great evening buffet with plenty for everyone.
Cheap drinks at the bar.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Mon 05-Nov-12 12:39:23

I dont mind paying for drinks if the wedding is low key- ie. it's in proportion to the rest of the wedding. What I object to is where they've spent £5k on the dress and I'm buying my own drinks

MrsCantSayAnything Mon 05-Nov-12 12:39:09

I remember the dress and the food! I love hot buffets! I do hate wwaiting too long though!

MaureenLove Mon 05-Nov-12 12:36:45

Food. And if they' make you pay for drinks.

Tight gits

mluddy Mon 05-Nov-12 12:35:56

Yes I'd agree with the point about remote locations. I'd rather be in an easily accessible place than travel 5 hours to the middle of nowhere, then have to travel again to the reception venue, then travel again to get to accommodation.

I think a buffet is fine. The only one I didn't enjoy was where there wasn't enough food for all the guests so those at the end of the queue didn't get any. But that was an evening buffet after a sit down meal at lunchtime.

Tableware and favours - yes completely unnecessary. Colouring or a few toys in a corner for dc, good.

The only other one I didn't enjoy was where we were sat with an awful couple who kept arguing. I tried to make conversation with them (as you do) and the dw thought I was chatting up her dh and got really nasty with me. I think seating plans need careful thought is my point there. If you have an awful bil/sil - sit them with family who know what to expect and don't inflict them on friends.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief Mon 05-Nov-12 12:31:27

Polyethyl Most of them get left on the table. At least if they cost 5p you dont really care, plus I am a freakoid who loves sugar almonds so I didnt mind scoffing all the leftovers.

aufaniae Mon 05-Nov-12 12:30:57

Remote weddings can be lovely if done well though.

I went to an amazing wedding in a remote Welsh manor house. Guests were invited to arrive Friday night, the wedding took place all day on Saturday, and people stayed Saturday night as well, leaving on Sunday.

I can't remember if we had to pay for the accommodation, but if we did it must have been very reasonable as I don't remember it being an issue.

Pretty much everything else was laid on (except late night drinks) and the whole event was just lovely.

The venue was stunning, inside and out. The speeches were heartfelt.

Four details which made the wedding easy to enjoy, were that children were very much welcome - there was a kids room for them, which they could escape to at any point if they got bored. Also the bar stayed open late for those who chose to stay up! And - importantly - breakfast was available from some early time till 10am for those who aren't very good at early mornings (can you guess which one I am?! grin) Very importantly, the staff were very competent and laid back, so while the venue was fabulous, it wasn't not at all stuffy.

I think the all-weekend wedding probably worked well as so many of the guests already knew each other (but some hadn't seen each other in years so great to catch up) and the ones who didn't were a very friendly bunch of people anyway. If it had been a random assortment of work mates it might not have worked so well I guess.

2madboys Mon 05-Nov-12 12:30:37

I remember the wedding where we waited for hours in a long queue for food (bride and groom have a massive, lovely and very sociable family/circle of friends!) and then there was hardly anything left because there was no-one serving the food /supervising portion control. Complete disaster for us as had two small dsss with us sad.
Drinks and nibbles when photos are being done is good.
Also, if you have a help-yourself type buffet, please put aside plate of food for anyone with allergies/food issues. DH is gluten free and it's not enough to mark food with 'gluten free' as things tend to get contaminated as people help themselves.
Another thing to remember is be very clear on the invite whether it includes children or not (sometimes not children due to numbers, not 'child-free wedding'). I always check, but some friends of ours turned up to a reception (they'd been to the ceremony) with their three kids only to find two places at the table. They were so mortified that they just went home.

Amyo83 Mon 05-Nov-12 12:28:24

Sit down buffet/carvary (sp?) weddings have been my favourite by far. Although make sure there is enough of everything and that the queues flow quickly. There was one large carvary wedding I went to where the first table were finished well before the last table had gone up to get their food. Their complaint was that they had to wait ages for pudding (which was brought to the tables). On the plus side, there was loads of hot food and the last table didn't end up with just the dregs.

Totally agree with other posters about sit down dinners being so-so. I admit, if the wedding is in a posh 'looking' venue, I'd like the the food to reflect the price that its obviously costing the bride and groom.

Waiting around for photos or if the wedding ceremony and reception are in the same venue, having to wait ages whilst the rooms are changed from one purpose to another is annoying, especially if its cold. If there's going to be a wait then some sort of entertainment would be good - giant games such as jenga, pick up sticks, connect 4?

Cheap flip flops for the end of the night sounds like a genius idea. Also like the idea of a few chairs and tables outside with cheap fleecy blankets for the smokers/energetic dancers trying to get a bit of air before heading back on to the dance floor.

Polyethyl Mon 05-Nov-12 12:19:34

I agree about favours, such a waste of effort and money. No one remembers a wedding because of its favours.

Oh, my god yes.

Or some location you can only drive to, then being surprised when all the guests choose to head off around 11 instead of shelling out for rooms in the poncey hotel that's the only building for miles.

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