FIL has always been a hoarder but for most of his younger life it appears to have been restrained by MIL and a full time occupation. Since he retired 9 years ago it has become significantly worse and in the last two years utterly uncontrolled as MIl has developed some dementia.
We have always tried to respect their privacy and choices but other agencies are becoming involved and complaints from their neighbours are piling up. A recent visit by a community mental health nurse to MIL led to visits from social services who have also met with us and raised concerns about his ability to support/care for MIL and himself.
To give you an idea of scale - there are only three rooms in a 12 room house accessible. The garden is mostly covered and a very large barn in the garden is also totally full. There are two sailing boats and three cars disintegrating on the drive and they have a very severe rodent problem.
He doesn't just collect - his view is that these are items he needs for work in progress to the house - he took the kitchen to pieces earlier in the year in order to 'restore' it. He is certain he has some of the original tiles stored somewhere and is looking for them (the kitchen is thirty years old).
They are financially secure and we have attempted to encourage them to pay for house clearers, pest control and even basic services to be fitted. All are refused - FIL won't hear of it.
We became a bit desperate last year when FIL was hospitalised for knee surgery and with SIL and other family we booked skips and cleared a bedrrom and a clear path through the garden. We also paid for pest control. It took five skips and FIL was furious. It was awful but we have tried so much persuasion, help, support, encouragement. We don't really know what else to try.
He is 78 now and becoming more frail. We are torn between perhaps causing a huge rift by just taking action and having him assessed etc and tackling the house or accepting that we should just butt out and respect that this is his life and we don't have a right to interfere.
AIBU?
AIBU?
To want to do something about FIL being a hoarder.
Momdeguerre · 27/08/2012 16:34
The trouble is that it's not just his life - but also your MIL's and the nearby community (re rat and other possible infestations, fire etc etc.)
I lived with a hoarder (who was only restrained in later years by illness and the inability to get out and collect) and there's nothing really to do but - at his age - get professional help, if needs be having him assessed and action taken with regard to the hoard and conditions in the house. It's hateful and you would feel like a heel but from what you've said, I don't see that you have any other option now.
I feel for you - and I do know what it's like.
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