to expect children to put their own toys away?

[lauraandeve]

aibu to expect my kids (2+4) to put their toys in the toy box? They are having a day out tomorrow and have been told that if they don't start put some of the toys away they cannot go yet they have made no attempt to put anything away? i am pretty sure i am speaking the same language as them but am starting to doubt myself now!

[BackforGood]

YABU to expect them to know this if it isn't what always happens, everyday, and alsways have.
At that age, I would expect to have to tidy with children, not give instructions from afar.

[ZhenThereWereTwo]

YANBU, but being so young they need direction and supervision.

Give the the 2 year old on going instruction i.e. now get the red block. Your 4 year old can be given less detailed instruction such as tidy the blocks.

Lots of encouragement, well dones etc.. and I always find the tidy up song works:

Tidy up, tidy up
How many toys can you put away
Pick them up put them back
Come on everybody let's be today

Repeat

[lauraandeve]

yeah sorry should have explained a bit better. they are expected to put toys away themselves every day but for some reason they have started refusing, i am with them putting bits away just really want them to at least make an attempt to do it. Really feel chucking everything away - every time i ask them to put stuff away they are getting more out!

[MrsMangoBiscuit]

My DD has to help tidy away (nearly) every day too. She too decided she didn't want to bother tidying away her jigsaw the other day. I told her she could help me tidy it away, or I would take it away. She didn't help. The jigsaw is now put away out of reach. She's back to tidying up with me.

I feel for you OP, it's bloody frustrating with one, must be twice as hard with two of them at it. :(

[EndoplasmicReticulum]

Mine are a bit older, but the five year old has "lost" various things in the past when he refuses to put them away. At least that way I only have to pick them up once more. And the charity shop is doing well!

[Thumbwitch]

YANBU on the whole - especially where the 4yo is concerned - the 2yo, possibly a little hopeful but should be able to grasp the idea!

DS learnt when he was 3 that I meant what I said, when I took 2 bagfuls of toys off him and put them in the garage when he refused to tidy them up. He got them back steadily over the next 3w, after a week without them - but since then he's always either immediately started to tidy them up, or responds to the threat of them being bagged and garaged again.

One piece of advice though - don't threaten to bin things unless you really mean it. :)

[NoComet]

My Mum made us tidy, it wasn't worth getting things out if your elaborate worlds had to go away. So I massively resented tidying.

I don't make my DDs tidy everyday and they still massively resent tidying even though I ask less than once a week.

I think DCs instinctively resent tidying and refuse to learn how to do it.

They fuss, fluster and do absolutely nothing until you help, i.e. do it for them.

I don't think there is a magic answer, children just don't see mess as we do and they know full well it's not I their advantage to learn.

[NoComet]

I couldn't possibly bin perfectly good toys (or even send them to the charity shop).

Toys belong to the DDs and many are presents from GPs without a huge amount of money.

If you take toys away they just watch more TV, climb on the sofa, run up and down the stairs or attention seek continuously. Which in DD2s case means whine.

It's easier to live with the mess.

[lauraandeve]

I have given in and done most of it myself with help from the youngest whilst the oldest was in time out to think about why it is that answering your mum back and wagging your finger in her face when asked to tidy up is not a good idea! Normally only ask them to pick up a couple of bits - more of a token effort than actual tidying but feel that if they want a day out then they need to help out a little the day before! Actually surprised that youngest understood and tidyed cos "i wanna go out"!

[Sirzy]

DS is 2.8 but knows he has to 'help' put toys away. We make it a game most of the time

[civilfawlty]

I put a transparent (important) plastic box on top of the fridge. Anything not tidied away (with age appropriate help) after two requests goes in there for a period of time (usually a week). I also put toys confiscated following bad behaviour there. I find that they forget about the toy if they can't see it. But if it is visit and out of reach, the lesson is learned very fast...

[Thumbwitch]

Should point out, I don't make DS tidy every day - he can leave toys out if they're on his play mat (and then it's up to me to make sure I look out for them and don't step on them) but he's been warned that he'll lose anything left elsewhere on the floor.
I can cope with 2 sets of things out at once, but if he wants another thing then one or both of the previous sets have to go away first. E.g. - he can have his plastic animals and cars out, but if he wants trains as well, the animals and/or cars have to go away first.

I'm not particularly tidy myself, and I'm not bothered how tidily he puts them away in his corner - but I can't bear the middle of the floor to be cluttered up, drives me crazy.

[lauraandeve]

oh civil that is a brilliant idea, I think I will have to pinch that one - the main reason I don't often take toys is I find that they just forget about it but a transparent box is excellent.

[civilfawlty]

Thank you!