To want to work, actually?

[BrittaPerry]

So, we are pretty poor. Dh studies and works part time (20 hours over 4 or 6 days, an hour away) as there was no other permanent work going. I study and do a direct sales job (think catalogues, recruiting, etc). He brings in about £120 a week after costs, I bring in about £70 a week, although mine is obviously more variable. We also both do ad hoc work like bars, programme selling at events, odd jobs, etc. We have a 2yo and a 5yo, who I take on the selling part of my job but not the recruiting, so over summer I will need to fit that part of my work around dh because of child care and studying and housework need to be fitted in somewhere as well. It will be hard, but we need to work (till recently I was off sick with a serious illness) and we will be stuck being poor if we don't study.

Anyway, so yesterday dh came back from working at a big event, and I had been watching the kids and studying. We were chatting, and I said that I wouldn't be staying up late as I was so tired and I had orders to deliver in the morning, so ideally he would watch the kids. DH said.... 'well it's not like I MAKE you work...' and was really annoyed that I was annoyed.

Aibu to think that, actually, even though it was a choice to work in a way, as we were just about covering bills before, wanting to earn money isn't a massive demand? And, I know it isn't hi fault as he is looking for permanent full time work, we are actually quite skint, and would be even if he had full time minimum wage work.

I think he sees me working as some kind of comment on his ability to provide. His mum was able to be a sahm, whereas mine worked long hours to pay the bills, so maybe we have different expectations, but then his mum had her last child in the mid seventies, where my mum had hers in the mid nineties. He seems to think his family were poor when, actually, they owned their own house and car and both had management jobs.

Grrrrrr.

[SoleSource]

YANBU :)

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

YANBU. He'd have to be very insecure to think that you working made him look bad in any way.

[hairytale]

Yanbu. I think the idea that the default position is that women don't work is bizarre, bizarre and three times bizarre.

[nailak]

i think invalidating someones feelings, because of a perception of what the right way to feel should be is bizzare.

[BrittaPerry]

This is it - I have been a sahm in the past, and I have worked more hours in the past too. Just like he has. I know I had to be the breast feeder and actually be pregnant, but after that I don't think it is militant to expect that we would both work...