to be feeling blackmailed, or that a page of the instructions are missing?

[Mandy2003]

A couple of months ago my Dad announced that he was "having a party on 3rd June." No word of can you come, I need help with the food or anything like that. He's not asked my opinion on food or shopping or anything.

I told him that as it was Jubilee party day I was involved in something in the village (which is going to be blocked off due to street party) and although I'd try and make it to his house at some point, not to count on us being there as it could be awkward. He seems to have invited 12 Jubilee refusniks, so that's fine I thought.

Also, he's moving house 10 days after that, so under those circumstances his friend offered to have the party at his house. Having spoken to an organiser of the village thing, it turns out that the streets will be blocked from 9am, and I'm at work till 11.00 anyway.

Today it turns out that he's going ahead with the party at his house and IS EXPECTING ME TO HELP! When I told him it was looking less likely than ever that we'd be able to go, he went into one saying he couldn't cope with the catering on his own and he might as well cancel the party.

Well, er, like how about having asked me if I could help a couple of months ago so I could have arranged time off work? As I suffer from CFS, once I have been to work I am not able to move out of bed or do anything else physical for the rest of the day.

So do I tell him No is a complete sentence? Or should I treat him to caterers (err, no kitchen not suitable) or a delivery of party food? I know I should not be feeling blackmailed by this but I am.

[TidyDancer]

Could you help him with food prep the day before? Most parties have that kind of thing done in advance.

[Snowboarder]

You DID tell him that you had prior commitments so I wouldn't feel blackmailed. I'd say something like "I'm sorry you feel unable to cope with the catering by yourself but I DID tell you I was busy for part of that day. I will try and make it to your house by x o'clock and will help out when I get there."

I definitely wouldn't be treating him to caterers! Is there no one else who could help? Maybe you could pop over the night before and help him make some of the food ready for the party so he has less to do on the day?

[Mandy2003]

Thanks, sounds like good ideas. Sorry, this is a bit of a drip feed - when I said that I'd have problems getting out of the village he only went and rang the council to check!! Not listening to me, see. But the scale of the road closures and timing has increased since when he checked.

[CMOTDibbler]

'Dad, I did tell you that I couldn't come, and thats still the case. Hope you work something out'. Its not your party, and you didn't say you would help, so don't feel like you have to sort something out

[WhereYouLeftIt]

Er, sorry if I'm missing something - but didn't he say HE was having a party? So he can fecking well get on with it can't he? He can expect all he wants, he's had plenty of time to make his arrangements for HIS party. In fact, he still has plenty of time to do so.

And, "No" is indeed a complete sentence.

[TidyDancer]

I don't think you should be rude about rejecting helping him, but you do have the right to say no you aren't able to.

He's probably just upset you aren't going.