Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

AIBU?

to start believing in 'love at first sight'?

17 replies

ItWasABoojum · 26/04/2012 23:38

I?ve always believed that relationships work best if they?re slow burners, beginning with friendship and getting to know one another really thoroughly before the romantic bit kicks in. I?m also painfully shy ? love spending time with my close friends but I?m not a socialiser really, hate parties where I don?t know many people and that sort of thing. As a result, I?ve had only one serious relationship in my life ? lost my virginity to him aged 23, we were together for 4 years and he?s still one of my best friends. I haven?t dated anyone since we split and have been quite happily single for a couple of years now. I always imagined that when I next fell for someone it would be like it was last time ? friendship, then more ? and was quite happy with that.

Then I met Him ? a barman at one of my favourite pubs. At first there was just a magnetic physical attraction ? I?ve never had any interest in one night stands (no moral or religious objections, they?ve just never appealed), but this man I just wanted to sleep with then and there, something I?m not used to. So I start flirting, he flirts back, we start talking, we get on, he seems to be working up to asking me out ? and suddenly I?m thinking about him non-stop, having dreams about him, planning our fantasy future. And I don?t bloody know the guy! Seriously, his first name, his job, a few shared laughs ? that?s all I have to go on. This is NOT me. At all. And I?m pissed off with myself because it?s like all my rationality has buggered off in the space of a couple of months.

What I want to hear is lots of nice stories about how you knew the moment you met ?the one?, that sometimes you just know someone is going to figure hugely in your life without reason coming into play. What I probably need to hear is that I?m being a twat, hence why I?m posting in AIBU rather than one of the other less scary boards.

So go on. Is ?love at first sight? a thing ? and if so, is this it? Or do I just need a boot up the arse and a cold shower?

OP posts:

Report

ItWasABoojum · 26/04/2012 23:38

Sorry about the question-mark weirdness . . .

OP posts:

racingheart · 26/04/2012 23:41

Well it can happen. I knew DH was the one within a few minutes of meeting him. But it wasn't what you describe at all. What you're describing is lust at first sight, and nowt wrong with that. Enjoy what happens but don't take it too seriously. Don't set yourself up to get hurt or disappointed. If you are flirting he may think you're up for some fun and have no idea you feel so strongly.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 26/04/2012 23:42

So are you actually seeing this guy or just flirting?

ItWasABoojum · 26/04/2012 23:45

At the moment just chatting really - he's made it clear he likes me but he's always working when I see him so we never get more than a few minutes. If I were a bit bolder I'd ask for his number but atm I'm letting him do the chasing. I just wish he'd hurry up so I can start behaving like a normal person again!

OP posts:

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 26/04/2012 23:51

Sounds exciting! I used to love that bit of new relationships, before I got married to my wonderful dh of course!

When I first met dh, I thought nothing. Then he shook my hand and it was wierd! I felt something but Im not sure what, and I can remember it really clearly. We didn't get together for four years though and I was never remotely interested until something just changed one day and I suddenly saw him really differently. The first time we kissed I knew he would be the one.

Aribura · 26/04/2012 23:55

Would you die for someone in a bar because they're attractive?? Yeah...no. YABU, no such thing unless it's LOVE of their APPEARANCE, but enjoy it anyway.

ItWasABoojum · 26/04/2012 23:59

That's lovely. :) Thank you both for your nice sensible answers - I feel a bit less like a silly 13-year-old now.

OP posts:

dictionarydiva · 27/04/2012 00:04

I very much fell in love or lust or something with my husband at first sight. I didn't know why I was compelled to know more about him but I was. Within weeks we were together and living together. Knew it was love the first time we held hands. Totally unexpected and not like any other relationship I had been in.

Kladdkaka · 27/04/2012 00:05

I knew my husband was the man I would marry the day I met him. It wasn't fireworks and lust. If anything it was the opposite. After all this is a guy who is surgically attached to his anorak. Even so, I knew. I just had to come to terms with it. :o

NagooIsBuildingAnArk · 27/04/2012 00:08

I think you have lust :)

work with it. It'll be fun. Don't call it love though, eh?

mayaswell · 27/04/2012 08:26

kladdkaka that's lovely. You know when you've found 'the one', anorak or not.
Enjoy it OP, whatever it is it's a great feeling!

Longtalljosie · 27/04/2012 08:44

Without wishing to pour cold water on this (sorry) the fact that you're thinking out a future with him means you're projecting "ideal man" qualities onto his face, voice and body. You fall in love with someone's personality and you don't really know very much about his. But then I've been stung by this quite badly - I ended up in an abusive relationship with someone who claimed to have fallen in love with me at first sight and among his wierd qualities was a refusal to see I wasn't actually the person he had decided I was while he only knew what I looked like.

Birdsgottafly · 27/04/2012 08:44

I have fell in 'love at first sight' twice. With my DH, who i was married to for 22 years and then widowed.

Then with my DP, who i have been with for 5 years.

I have had many casual relationships, mainly for sex and fell in lust quite a few times, in between, so i know the difference.

It might not exsist for everyone, but it does for some.

Birdsgottafly · 27/04/2012 08:50

"you're projecting "ideal man" qualities onto his face, voice and body."

Not necessarily, it is a different bodily reaction that makes you 'click in' to the person. When it hits there isn't a rational thought behind it. Getting to know the person comes later. I think that you can fall out of love, all the same, though.

I fell in love inbetween, but ended it, because i wouldn't be treated the way that he was treating me, as you get older you find it easier to walk away rather than settle for less,in the name of love.

Having finished having my children and having my own house, also helped, less issues to consider.

ImperialBlether · 27/04/2012 08:54

I think it's lust at work, tbh. Get to know him slowly and don't think you 'know' him now, because you really don't!

IvantaOuiOui · 27/04/2012 09:22

I saw my husband sitting by a fire at a rock festival and instantly knew he was the one before we'd even spoken. And I am a cynical type who didn't believe in love at first sight. We're still together 14 years later.

DucketyDuckDuck · 27/04/2012 11:42

Met my DH at someones house, I can remember the first time I saw him, and then we got talking over the washing up....

It wasn't love at first sight. It was more interest at first sight. He wasn't at all what I would call "my type". We talked about books, started texting. It went from there. A good six months of friendship at least. But I was older (thirties) and probably more cynical! He is most definitely the only type for me now!

I have done the "lust" at first sight though. It was fun!!

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.