to think it's inconsiderate to do CIO in a very narrow terrace

[OhdearNigel]

We live in a terrace of 7 houses. They are all 3 storey and the houses are 10ft (1 room) wide. We all have a small bedroom and bathroom on our middle floor - bedroom at the front and bathroom at the back. 3 of us in a row have children under 3. Our NDN have 2 under 2. They leave them to CIO every night. Bearing in mind they have been doing that with their eldest who is nearly 2 since she was born it is clearly not working. I know that there is nobody in there with them because our walls are thin and I can hear them when they eventually go in as if they were coming into my room. And NDN freely talks about it. Last night it went on for nearly 45 minutes with both babies crying - I couldn't get my DD to sleep because of the racket from next door.

AIBU to think that if you live in a terraced house with paper-thin walls and your neighbours also have babies that you do not leave 2 babies to CIO every night, if for no other reason than for simple courtesy to the people that live around you ?

[mirry2]

I get NDN but what does CIO mean?

[LaurieFairyCake]

Well, I think it's simply about noise. I expect noise up til 9pm and then I don't want to hear anything really (unless a child wakes in the night).

So if they're crying at 11 at night and no one is going to them then I'd be pissed off but if it's happening at 8pm and only for 45 minutes then I wouldn't be.

[OhdearNigel]

When you know that your neighbour is also trying to get their child to sleep at the same time ? In the neighbouring room ?

[Tamisara]

mirry2 I think CIO means 'crying it out'.

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

45 minutes feels like a long time, but it's not really. Isn't it one of the hassles of living in a terrace with paper-thin walls?

I get why you're really fed up but what do you want them to do? Maybe they know it won't be any better if they do go in.

[carabos]

I feel your pain. My NDN did this with both of hers. We had broken nights for 5 years as they never "learned" and just cried for more than an hour in the early hours, every night. Similar situation in that we're in a terrace house. Drove me demented.

She didn't seem to learn cause and effect either. She was clearly exhausted with being woken at night and this made her bad tempered and very shouty during the day. So we would be kept awake by the crying, and disturbed during the day by the shouting (I work from home) . Don't know what her excuse now is, though. She's still very shouty and they've grown out of the night time screaming do it early in the morning instead.

[bugster]

What is 'NDN'?

[Tamisara]

OP I don't the answer really, I still suffer with DD1. I like the crying method (obviously not to the point of hysterics), but my neighbours bang on the wall (when DD1 wakes & refuses to sleep after midnight). This scares her, so she cries more frantically.

I've spent many a night (with disastrous consequences) trying to appease DD1, and staying awake ALL night, so the neighbours don't get pissy. It resulted in me slipping on the stairs, when heavily pregnant last year, and having a bleed, although DD2 was seemingly OK - she died just over a week later. I have no idea if the slip contributed to it (probably not), but the fact remains - I was so bloody scared of my neighbours that I was exhausted (DD1 was up from 2am - 6am some nights).

DD1 can still be a pain at night, but if I leave her she does settle (obviously I check her, soothe her, change nappy etc first), but if she's fine, I want her to go back to sleep before she wakes properly (which she does if I stay with her).

To be honest though - my neighbours can be funny anyway - during school hols/weekends - they are up till 3am, banging, so now I don't care if DD1 wakes as much.

In your situation it's hard. It's not fair on you obviously, but I guess it's up to them how to parent. Sorry no use :(

[Tamisara]

bugster next door neighbour

[Treblesallround]

I think the trouble with terraces is that you will always hear your neighbours and if you've all got young children it's going to be noisy at times. I would imagine that everyone in your row has to be a bit tolerant sometimes.

You've got 3 options that I can see: 1) talk to her to see if she'll do things differently, 2) try to adjust your routines so you're less inconvenienced by it 3) move to a house where you don't hear the neighbours

[AliveSheCried]

Our neighbours came down and complained when we tried.

hes 2 and still does not go through the night - we have resorted to cosleeping.

im very resentful about living in such a badly built flat which affects how i am raising my son. feel like i never got a chance to train him but at some point you have to give in and respect ur neighbours.

[OhdearNigel]

I wouldn't mind if it wasn't every single night for around an hour between 7.30 and 8.30. Also if the children wake in the night they will leave them to cry then as well. Their baby's screaming has woken DD up in the night on more than one occassion. The only break we get from it is when they go on holiday

[maddening]

there's parenting styles and parenting styles but 2 year of it is a bit much!

[thatisall]

I tried the CIO method for one night...couldn't bear it. Each to their own though.

The time of night is not unreasonable but...if they are using CIO as a method of teaching them to sleep alone...IT IS NOT WORKING and after 2 years is no longer a teaching method and is just a case of leaving them to cry.

I thought that with the crying method, you were supposed to go to them, but leave it or longer periods each time?

There's little you can do I'm afraid op It isn't 'late' so the noise can't be complained about, but it is inconsiderate considering your dd is trying to sleep too. What do their other neighbours say?

[RabbitsMakeBrownEggs]

Poor babies, crying it out is horrible anyway. Much preferred rapid return if I had to do anything at all.

However, you need to expect some level of noise from your neighbours. I can't always get my DD to be quiet at night if she wakes, and sometimes have to leave her to have a tantrum (she's nearly four now). I do worry about neighbours, and always apologise, but sometimes we can't control our children's noise level and it's just tough and has to be endured.

[EdlessAllenPoe]

you might get this level of noise with any settling method TBH.

i have been lying in bed with baby alternately suckling and screaming, and a toddler crying in sympathy (when baby wound down!) with neighbours banging on the wall...

i also did CIO which worked, though now they share a room there is often playing noise late at night....

you can't switch them off, and there is no volume control.

[TrollopDollop]

So sorry to hear about your DD Tamisara

[blackeyedsusan]

are you sure they are not there with them?

dd used to cry like she as being murdered when having a nappy change/change of clothes.

ds screams blue murder in the bath sometimes... (cries as he is undedressed, put in, hair wash, face wash, washed... seems to go on for ever and is very embarressing. I am there comforting him.. butit doesn't sound like it.

[fedupofnamechanging]

My dd is 4 years and still sometimes cries for ages before dropping off to sleep, even though I am sitting next to her on the bed and stroking her hair and trying to comfort her. Other nights, she will drop off to sleep without any problem. I think she gets overtired and just can't drop off, even though she is desperate for sleep.

[fedupofnamechanging]

Sent too soon - my point is that the noise is often beyond parents control. I do think they should be with their children though, not leaving them too it.