To be upset with dp over this

[PleaseChooseAnotherNN]

Right I am asking this here because I know you will tell me straight.

I am 5 months pregnant and our sex life has disappeared, going from 4/5 times a week to once a week at most. My sex drive is very high and I would happily have it daily, intact I dont think I have ever said no thanks not tonight. So the lack of sex is down to dp not being up for it.

My phone has broken and dp has lent me his. Being the nosy madam I am I had a look at his browser history. He has been using a lot of porn.

The porn doesnt bother me I use it myself, but I use it because oh doesn't want to have sex.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset that he doesn't want me but is happy to crack one out over porn?

[pictish]

Maybe.
This needs discussing with each other. Calmly.

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

YANBU, but you need to talk to him. It's quite common for men to be freaked out by having sex with their pregnant partners. I think if I was a man I would be put off by it tbh, not because it makes a woman less attractive, but just because.

[knowitallstrikesagain]

If the porn doesn't bother you and he just doesn't feel like full sex at the moment, I can see why it would be upsetting but I have seen enough comments on here about never ever having sex with someone just to please them, no matter what the circumstances, that I think that you need to find out why he does not want sex with you. Maybe he is worried about hurting the baby, maybe he feels that you are delicate at the moment, there could be many reasons.

YANBU to be upset but he should not have to have sex with you if he doesn't want to. Find out his reasons.

[PleaseChooseAnotherNN]

I will talk it over with dp tonight, I didnt want to bring it up if you all thought I was being unreasonable.

Know it all - I would never expect dp to have sex if he didnt want to, hence why I use porn myself, I wouldnt pressure him. I am just upset because fair enough if he's not in the mood hes not in the mood but if he is using porn he is obviously still getting the urge but relieving himself when he has a perfectly willing dp.

[AutumnSummers]

If he's replacing sex with you for porn, taht' a definate issue. Good luck peaking to him tonight.

I had to have this chat with DH when pg with DS2. In my case, he had "gone off" me, which was fair enough. Can't make someone fancy you if they dont fancy you but he wasn't discreet about it at all (leaving it in history, which he knows I use a lot to look for previously viwed pages in the forums I use)

If it had gone on longer after the birth I'd have probably left him over it but our sex life recovered fine just before the baby was born. In the meantime he was discreet about it and actually lusted more for me toward the end of the pregnancy because I was starting to lose interest in him over it!

I've also had times where I found him less than sexy but these things happen and we try to work around it and deal with it if it crops up. Peaks and troughs and all that.

[tigermoll]

Personally, I think that the urge for 'self love' is very different from the urge for sex with a partner.

I find it odd when people say 'why would he/she have a wank when they could have sex with me?' It's a very different thing, - sex with a partner involves communication and shared pleasure and desire and reciprocity, and all sorts of other things which require an effort. Whereas just having a wank is entirely self-serving and luxurious and private. There is space for both in a relationship, - but I can't imagine having a relationship where I didn't want to wank, no matter how much sex I was having.

[AutumnSummers]

tigermoll the problem isn't that he has a wank. it's that he's showing by wanking that he obviously still has desires, yet shuns OP's advances. I don't think anyone here has said that a bit of time with Pam and her 5 sisters is out of order.

[tigermoll]

he's showing by wanking that he obviously still has desires, yet shuns OP's advances

But what I'm saying is that they aren't necessarily the same thing, - the 'desire ' for a wank is different from the 'desire' for a partner.

If he has gone off sex with the OP, then that is something they should address calmly and sensitively together. But one shouldn't leap in and wail 'he still wanks, so he still wants sex. JUST NOT WITH ME.'

[AutumnSummers]

I'm not suggesting that she leaps in and wails anything. Merely sharing my own experience with the subject.

[PleaseChooseAnotherNN]

Thanks for sharing your experience autumn I hope we can work through this as you did. I would be devastated if he had just gone off me.

Tiger, I see where your coming from self love requires no effort it is just a means to an end so its totally different to sex it just feels like a personal slight maybe I Am just taking it the wrong way.